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BareFootBabyMaker Due May 30 (boy); 2 kids; Springfield, Missouri 850 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting SaucyPoppet:" You have serious fucking issues. My own sister has done far worse things to me in my life (chased me ... [snip!] ... about something EVERY ONE HERE has said is TRIVIAL. Ever stop to think that it isn't EVERY ONE ELSE that is wrong, but you??"


No, she hasn't ...because she can't get let her MIL get hurt, or we just don't understand, or we're the crazy ones because she knows 4 of her family members that agree with her....anything anyone says she has a ridiculous excuse for.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting BareFootBabyMaker:" No, she hasn't ...because she can't get let her MIL get hurt, or we just don't understand, or we're ... [snip!] ... ones because she knows 4 of her family members that agree with her....anything anyone says she has a ridiculous excuse for. "


It's because I live in the situation, and I know what's going on. And I know whats really going on. All you guys see is what you read here.



Yes she hasn't tried to kill me. I don't think she ever will. Killing with kindness because she thinks it's being nice and generous is her motive.



My MIL did get involved last night. She's trying to think up a plan to get out my SIL's newest plan too. It's like I told my husband if we all stand up to her. She'll stop this behavior. This might just be the year we all do it.



And if we do it will be so awesome. I know we all hate it when we have to do what she says, jump when she says jump.



And for everyone's information here. I have been in counseling, I AM medicated due to anxiety issues with my son. I'm most definitely not going to start up counseling again because my SIL is crazy, and that she drove me to it. Especially when this possibly could be resolved within the family.



And if my anti anxiety meds aren't help me with her situation how am I still crazy?



I guess I don't understand how people don't see it. But I guess it comes down to you guys aren't living the situation.



Like I mentioned, this year the MIL is getting involved. Hopefully this will be the final straw and we'll all stand up to her so we all don't have to be put in this difficult position because of her.



Only time will tell. My MIL has 2 weeks to come up with a manipulative excuse that my SIL might understand to get out of Easter. We'll just have to see.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13

I know I keep saying it but the things I say she does is true, and they may be trivial to you, but they make both me and my MIL especially very emotional, and just pisses off my husband, and apparently this has been going on for over 10 years..



If I make her angry, she will hold her kids hostage from my MIL, and MIL is one of those people who does what she says to see her grandkids. She knows if she pisses her off, that she won't allow her children over to grandmas. She's done this several times.



A lot of the time my MIL just doesn't know how to approach her. For fear that she might say the wrong things, that somehow she'll get upset and then everything will blow up.



I don't like having to watch my every move around her, I don't like having to filter my words to edit what I say to please her.. I don't like the emotional turmoil that she puts me through, and yes I don't want to tolerate it anymore. I don't want to deal with it period. I don't like having to do everything she says to please her. I don't like doing every thing she wants because she thinks it's the right thing without asking anyone first. I hate every minute of it. I most definitely wasn't raised to sit under someone else's thumb for the rest of my life. I'm my own person and my own being, I have my own family and my own rules. And I hate doing what she wants all the time. Even if "all the time" is like 6 times a year. I hate it that when she says something we all have to jump. It's an emotional rollercoaster. I definitely don't want that for my kids.



And if that makes me crazy enough to be medicated. Then at least I'm standing up for what I believe in, and at least I'm standing up for my family. I definitely don't want them growing up around a person like that.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13

So instead of defending myself further, I did some investigating.



I know in the past there's been talks about my SIL and how she might have a narcissistic personality disorder.



However, I've never really looked up what that means until now.



And here's the symptoms.



http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/



person with narcissistic personality disorder may:




  • React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation

  • Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals

  • Have excessive feelings of self-importance

  • Exaggerate achievements and talents

  • Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love

  • Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

  • Need constant attention and admiration

  • Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy

  • Have obsessive self-interest

  • Pursue mainly selfish goals


http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder\

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.



Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. However, narcissism is not the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed); narcissists can be aggressive. The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).




Here's a few excerpts on narcissism personality disorder.



Where as my SIL might not have it to the extreme level.



She does hit a lot of the points.




Many of you may take this as me projecting a disorder onto her. But if you had to live with her, you'd see that she does in fact hit a lot of these points on the symptoms. In fact just from knowing her the past 5 years, I see 7 points on that list that fits her to a T.



I guess it's something I'll just have to live with.



They says narcissism tends to stop at at about 30 years old. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. I have about 3 years to go!

Devon and Kiara's mommy 2 kids; bremerton, wa, United States 1139 posts
26th Feb '13

Omg!!! Get over it already!

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
26th Feb '13

I just think what everyone is trying to tell you is, that it's not that bad. Like she could be on meth, or steal money from you or ignore her kids and pawn them off into you all the time. Basically you are majorly allowing her to control your feelings and the way you live your life. That's great you are standing up for her, but you have brought much of this on yourself.




Like just say sorry we have Easter plans already. It's super simple.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting ILOVEWINE:" I just think what everyone is trying to tell you is, that it's not that bad. Like she could be on meth, ... [snip!] ... for her, but you have brought much of this on yourself. Like just say sorry we have Easter plans already. It's super simple."


It's not that bad. It's just an emotional roller coaster that she's put me on, and unfortunately I snapped. It gets hard to deal with a person like this and not occasionally have a melt. I know it could be far worse. That I know. I grew up in a really rough family. I know that it could be 100 time worse. I however thought that once I grew up and graduated and moved out, that the turmoil would stop. I didn't expect that something like this would happen, and that I'd be living my life according to some one else whenever she says.



I have brought none of this upon myself. She treats us this way, and we're supposed to go along with as if it's ok. And matter of fact, I've had enough, it's no longer ok with me to do whatever she wants at her every beck and call.



As far as Easter, my MIL is upset. She's going to try to play my SIL at her own game and get out of it. If she can, we'll go to my MILs for Easter, if my MIL is unsuccessful, we'll go out of respect for my MIL, and not for her.



That simple.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting Devon and Kiara's mommy:" Omg!!! Get over it already!"



you can always leave too you know.



I know what I have to deal with. I know it's not that bad. But I still don't see why everyone thinks that I have to live with this emotional roller coaster and that I'm supposed to be nice to her when she treats me like shit.

SaucyPoppet Due July 10 (girl); 1 child; Colorado Springs, Colorado 1172 posts
26th Feb '13

It's like a train wreck though, hard to look away.



It doesn't matter what you THINK she MIGHT have. You need to focus on what is wrong with YOU. It's not healthy dwelling on this shit so badly.



My sister has bipolar disorder. Woopty fucking doo.

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
26th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" It's not that bad. It's just an emotional roller coaster that she's put me on, and unfortunately I ... [snip!] ... we'll go to my MILs for Easter, if my MIL is unsuccessful, we'll go out of respect for my MIL, and not for her. That simple."</blockquote>



You are allowing her to treat you that way! From all your examples this is a long term thing that you have contained to let her do. And by going on Easter you are proving to her that she still is in control, your mother in law will understand why you are not going. Have a separate holiday with her.

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
26th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" you can always leave too you know. I know what I have to deal with. I know it's not that bad. But ... [snip!] ... that I have to live with this emotional roller coaster and that I'm supposed to be nice to her when she treats me like shit."</blockquote>



No one is saying that. But some of the examples you have were petty. Like you feeling like she outshined you at your wedding, and if people really paid more attention to flowers then you.... Then you have terrible friends and family.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting SaucyPoppet:" It's like a train wreck though, hard to look away. It doesn't matter what you THINK she MIGHT have. ... [snip!] ... what is wrong with YOU. It's not healthy dwelling on this shit so badly. My sister has bipolar disorder. Woopty fucking doo."


I already know what's wrong with me.



finding out what's wrong with her, helps me find a better healthier way to manage her.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting ILOVEWINE:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" It's not that bad. It's just an ... [snip!] ... her that she still is in control, your mother in law will understand why you are not going. Have a separate holiday with her."


And that's hard too. Because in DH's family it's supposed to be that way. We're supposed to allow her to treat us this way. And it's a pain in the ass.



Pretty much if one stands up to her, we ALL have to. Or else she'll lash out and "punish" someone to be in control of the situation again. No one wins if we don't agree and go along with it.



With that being said, I don't want to. I don't want to go, I don't want to have anything to do with her or their family.



But unfortunately I married in.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
26th Feb '13
Quoting ILOVEWINE:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" you can always leave too you know. ... [snip!] ... at your wedding, and if people really paid more attention to flowers then you.... Then you have terrible friends and family."


That's DH's family.



They were really pissed that he married me, a prior divorcee with a child. So we weren't given anything at our wedding for presents or anything(except the flowers). We were lucky any of his family members showed up at all.



My family on the other hand, totally different story. I did appreciate the flowers. I didn't appreciate her turning my wedding into a circus that revolved around her. Which she did. Not only did she do the flowers, but she also just had a baby(first grandchild for the family), and her friend did the photos.



So her friend, even though we paid her, did a terrible job on our photos, but took excellent family photos for them. It was over all a disaster thanks to her and DH's family.



I however don't want to dredge that up. It took a long time to get over that.



I want to say I'm mostly over the Easter thing, but I'm not. I don't think this is something I'll be able to forgive for this year.



But the kids want to go, and I can suck it up for them. And for my MIL. At least we can all sit in a corner, take some anxiety meds, and watch the kids play.:lol:

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
26th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" That's DH's family. They were really pissed that he married me, a prior divorcee with a child. So we ... [snip!] ... suck it up for them. And for my MIL. At least we can all sit in a corner, take some anxiety meds, and watch the kids play.:lol:"</blockquote>




And I'd be bringing a big ol bottle of wine.