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Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
24th Feb '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" I don't really "hold it over her", not unless it's the hat thing. My mother is crazy, and I mean she ... [snip!] ... us at the last second or put in a situation that is uncomfortable. And she's put me in plenty of an uncomfortable situation."


I wasn't implying that you hold anything over her head. My parents do that stuff. They do stuff for me and then when they don't approve of something I do, they hold it over my head. Even though I never asked them to do stuff for me in the first place.



And I think it's petty of her to cancel play dates that she previously agreed to just because of your son. Total crap.



Good luck on phasing her out.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18794 posts
24th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" There is. It starts with our wedding day. We asked her to help with our wedding flowers, because ... [snip!] ... she doesn't want to pay for it, and says we HAVE to pitch in for it, because they can only pay $80. THere's so much more too."</blockquote>




I bet my SIL has similar bad things to say about me honestly. It boils down to the fact that we are different (very) and I know she envies our life. (Not saying you are).



In any case, not allowing yourself to be upset will do you much good. My sil thinks I'm a b***h and I let her, because ultimately she is a small t**t and I don't care what she thinks. I have no reason to win her over. Maybe since you can't win by "being better", you can win by being you and shrugging it all off.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
24th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" ehh...to each the own. If she was making your life a living hell, you'd be in my situation. Then you'd probably be singing a different tune"</blockquote>




Hell I think I'd love her as a SIL.



Amazing free wedding flowers. Sign me up.

Mrs. Sherwood *16Weeks* Due January 15; Mesa, AZ, United States 3731 posts
status 24th Feb '13
Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" ehh...to each the own. If she was ... [snip!] ... a different tune"</blockquote> Hell I think I'd love her as a SIL. Amazing free wedding flowers. Sign me up."


I was thinking the exact same thing. Wedding flowers are super expensive - I would love to get them free! Plus the fact that she cared enough to do that, I think that says a lot about the kind of person she is. I really don't think she sounds that awful, but sometimes it's hard to see things clearly when you're the one experiencing them. I buy gifts for my entire family, even when my siblings don't reciprocate. They're always very grateful. I think of all the people who deserve to be hurt in this situation, it's OP's SIL. She's the one who gave generously and had it come back to bite her in the ass. I know I'd be hurt.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
24th Feb '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" :arrow::arrow::arrow::arrow::arrow::arrow::arrow::arrow: I'm out crazy people. Trust me, if you had ... [snip!] ... if you had to live with her and her crazy antics, you'd be stressed, uncomfortable, and tired of her making you feel guilty."


Yeah, everyone's crazy but you. That's the only way to explain your ever evolving pity.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Feb '13

My husband explained it best.



They act like they are Holy, that they walk on water, that the river parts for them. And that we all should bow down to them



It's how they portray to others, it's how they project themselves onto others.



They see the "giving" as being caring and generous, they don't see that it can make people uncomfortable, uneasy and make them feel guilty, to them they are perfect, and can do no wrong, it's in her nature
.



I was grateful for the flowers, hurt that she had to see mine and waited until 2 weeks before the wedding to say that mine were crap and to do them.



I unfortunately is the one who is hurt, because life shouldn't be a competition. You shouldn't have to spend more, give more, to be "closer to God"



And so yeah, naturally this hurts me.



Dh is going to talk to his brother. Obviously my attempts to stand up to her was met with hostility so he's going to talk to his brother and just tell him how he's been making us feel, and what they've been doing.



Here's to hoping it will be successful.



night everyone.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
24th Feb '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" My husband explained it best. They act like they are Holy, that they walk on water, that the river parts ... [snip!] ... tell him how he's been making us feel, and what they've been doing. Here's to hoping it will be successful. night everyone."



your thought process is unhealthy and you need to see a therapist.

Devon and Kiara's mommy 2 kids; bremerton, wa, United States 1139 posts
24th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" your thought process is unhealthy and you need to see a therapist."


Lmao!! but.... so true!

Mrs. Sherwood *16Weeks* Due January 15; Mesa, AZ, United States 3731 posts
status 24th Feb '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" your thought process is unhealthy and you need to see a therapist."


I agree. I think it's quite possible your DH has some jealousy issues too, if that's what he really said about them. This is not a normal reaction to someone giving your children gifts. You are the only one making it a competition OP. Just because she gave your kids gifts doesn't mean she's trying to compete with you. She's probably just a generous person, at least that's how it seems.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
24th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" I agree. I think it's quite possible your DH has some jealousy issues too, if that's what he really ... [snip!] ... kids gifts doesn't mean she's trying to compete with you. She's probably just a generous person, at least that's how it seems."</blockquote>




You're really pretty!

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49254 posts
24th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Oh I've given her a real chance. And these things keep happening. And stealing 100 in merchandise from me? That's something I will never forgive, like ever. "</blockquote>



I'm still reading mostly but this is the one thing that has bugged me the most. I don't care if it was $10, $100, $200 I wouldn't be charging my sister in law to make things for my nieces and or nephews. That just seems greedy to me. I may be raised different but unless it's a MAJOR thing you don't charge family, or friends for items. If you couldn't afford the material I don't think you should have done it and if the material was handy you just give it because family gives freely without expectations.

Mrs. Sherwood *16Weeks* Due January 15; Mesa, AZ, United States 3731 posts
status 24th Feb '13
Quoting Onalee's Mummy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" I agree. I think it's quite possible your ... [snip!] ... with you. She's probably just a generous person, at least that's how it seems."</blockquote> You're really pretty!"


Thanks hun, you're so sweet! :)

CurlyDimpledLunatic! Due December 11 (girl); 2 kids; North Dakota 13716 posts
24th Feb '13

So I just sat here and read this whole thread and the one you posted the other day or whenever it was about your SIL.



To be honest with you, I don't care if they tried to make me feel guilty or anything along those lines, if it's that bad, I honestly wouldn't even go to the Easter thing/birthday cake event.
You have the right to pick up the phone or not pick it up if they choose to call you or make you feel guilty. You have the right to block their messages or them on facebook.
if you're really feeling that upset and uncomfortable about going and the whole gift situation, don't even go. Just say you have other plans and if they have a problem with it, f**k em.
If they make you feel the way you say they do, then nip it in the bud, and don't even go. YOU are the only one who can prevent you feeling that way. If it's really going to be that bad, and uncomfortable and hurtful and the like, don't go.



I have issues with family as well. I HAVE ignored their phone calls, texts and facebooks messages when they feel the need to make me feel badly for something. They eventually got over it. Because they are my FAMILY and they love me. If these people don't get over it and/or forgive you then obviously they aren't worth your time, especially someone who seems to outright dislike your son like you say your SIL does.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
24th Feb '13

Haha op edited the initial post

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Feb '13
Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" Oh I've given her a real chance. ... [snip!] ... think you should have done it and if the material was handy you just give it because family gives freely without expectations."


It wasn't one or 2. It was 10 hats. And she's the one who suggested the trade. Not me. I suggested it be a baby shower gift, she wanted to do the trade.