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Long.. Need Advice Third Time Mommy 19 kids; Michigan 406 posts
24th Feb '13

He works with these beautiful women everyday, how can he be satisfied with me? With my 200lb flabby fat belly baby body. It was enough before... but what if he loses interest in me. What if I'm not his type anymore. What if he wishes I looked like the women he works with?
All these stupid thoughts in my head. :cry:



I was already feeling disconnected, our son is only 23 days old, SO works soo much, so I'm with all the kids all the time, I don't go anywhere or do anything, which for me, going from 1 to 2 kids was easy but going from 2 to 3 has been REALLY stressful.
And when he does get home, it's not his fault, but we don't get quality or intimate time together like we used to, not even at night, because I'm so preoccupied with DS.
I'm not feeling sexy or wanted or anything that I always have.



And it's not that I don't trust him, he's at work now, and I'm not concerned.
I know he would never cheat on me, I know while he might think they're pretty, he's not interested in anyone, he still comes home to me happy.
He is the sweetest, most loving, helpful, amazing man, he does EVERYTHING he can to make my life easier, he still brings me flowers for no reason, or picks up my favorite food or drink on the way home from work, always asks me if he can do anything or if I need anything.
He is the BEST dad, he is ALL about the kids and he is so in love with our son, he acts like he's the mommy most of the time, if he was able, I'm sure he'd breastfeed him for me too.



He is so good to me.
And I need help, because I keep wanting to say to him all these stupid thoughts that are in my head, but I know if I do, it will hurt him, and it will hurt our relationship. I don't want to cause problems when we have none, just because I've become insecure.



I don't know why, but since finding that stupid note or whatever it it, I just feel so inadequate. Like I'm just not good enough for him, like I'm losing him, like he can't really be happy with me how I am.
Even though I know nothing has changed.
I love him so much, and I miss him, if that makes sense, I miss cuddling at night, I miss all the time we used to spend together, I don't want to lose him, but I don't know what I need to do to overcome how I'm feeling.



If you actually read all that, BLESS YOUR SOUL, and any advice, even harsh advice, thoughts or feelings are appreciated.

brodyzmom Due December 18 (girl); 1 child; 3 angel babies; Huntsville, Alabama 2792 posts
24th Feb '13

I read it mama, and firstly I want to say *hugs*. You sound like truly a great person and you're DH sounds like he adores you. I wish I had advice, unfortunately I'm crazy, insecure all the time. I wish I could change too. For what it's worth it really doesn't sound like he has anything to hide, or else I guarantee he wouldn't have dumped his pockets in front of you with that note in there.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19455 posts
status 24th Feb '13

I caught my exhusband cheating when he changed his FB profile pic to just my daughter and him, from a pic of the three of us, and the girl he was cheating with commented "this pic is MUCH better".




Just keep an eye out. I never thought he would cheat either, but if you feel weird about something, don't just ignore your feelings.




About the note, he wouldn't have let you see it if it was something devious, unless he forgot it was in there.




Just be smart, stay alert to what you feel. I waffled with what I caught my ex with, then I actually saw hard proof, which made me say of course I'm not nuts..... sane people feel like that for a reason.



Good luck mamma.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46865 posts
24th Feb '13

Aw Mama, I'm sorry.
I understand how you feel, to a point.
When my husband deploys or was in basic I always felt insecure. I trusted him but I felt like all those women who he was deploying/training with were so in shape and fit, and here I was... as you put it... fat and flabby with a baby belly. I worried that I wouldn't be good enough for him. As stupid as that was... I still worried. It's all our own insecurities.



The best advice I can give is to express to him how you feel. I told my husband how I felt, and how badly I felt about myself. I told him I was jealous of the other women who were so in shape, and who he worked with... and I told him I worried he would wish I looked like that. It really helped. He made me feel better. I remember one thing he told me was that I was beautiful the way I was and that no other women had given me such beautiful kids and no other women could ever love him as much as I did. It really made me feel better. I'd suggest talking to him about your feelings. He's with you for a reason. He loves you. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you.



Try to turn your thoughts around.... if your husband was fat and flabby, and you had a bunch of studs around you, would you wish he was any different? Would you love him any less? I doubt it. The same goes for him. Appearance means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

CRSx2Mommy 18 kids; North Carolina 3475 posts
24th Feb '13
Quoting brodyzmom:" I read it mama, and firstly I want to say *hugs*. You sound like truly a great person and you're DH sounds ... [snip!] ... like he has anything to hide, or else I guarantee he wouldn't have dumped his pockets in front of you with that note in there."


:!::!:

nursemaya mom to 3! 3 kids; 5 angel babies; Minnesota 16003 posts
24th Feb '13

Honestly, if I've learned anything in 34 years, it's to pay attention to my feelings regarding men I'm seeing. Every time I've had thoughts like these I've tried to talk myself out of it. I mean it MUST be me being insecure, right? Wrong ! Everything I have had these sorts of feelings it's been because dude has been fucking around. Don't discount your feelings, they are based on something. I have had guys put evidence I plain sight because, why would he show it to me if he was cheating, right? Cheaters are smart that way. Watch out

Third Time Mommy 19 kids; Michigan 406 posts
24th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting brodyzmom:</b>" I read it mama, and firstly I want to say *hugs*. You sound like truly a great person and you're DH sounds ... [snip!] ... like he has anything to hide, or else I guarantee he wouldn't have dumped his pockets in front of you with that note in there."</blockquote>



Thank you and yeah he didn't act like I caught him, he seemed like he just didn't want me to be mad about it.

Third Time Mommy 19 kids; Michigan 406 posts
24th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting pilot Jess:</b>" I caught my exhusband cheating when he changed his FB profile pic to just my daughter and him, from a ... [snip!] ... saw hard proof, which made me say of course I'm not nuts..... sane people feel like that for a reason. Good luck mamma."</blockquote>




Thank you, I'll trust my gut feelings.