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3 and trying to explain siblings birthday Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[ATE] 3 kids; Hawaii 10340 posts
25th Feb '13

Yesterday was our youngest's first birthday and we have had a very difficult time explaining to our 3.5yr old that hers will come later. She remembers her birthday this past August but doesn't grasp that she will have another in the months to come.



DH said she was verrrry upset yesterday when we were picking up DS cake and cried saying "no on loves me" and "I will never have a birthday" of course DH comforted her and told her she would but she was still so upset yesterday. Also during the celebrating she acted out waaaay more than usual (jumping in front of everyone, being loud, being mean to her brother ect ect) and my only conclusion is jealousy?



We have let her be very involved with DS since his birth and we have special times each week that she gets to do something special with just one of us or the both of us while DS naps or Nana has him. She even picked out a special toy for his birthday just from her. We have shown her pictures of her first birthday and her others but she is so hung up on brother having one and hers not being now.



What would you do?

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
25th Feb '13
Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:" Yesterday was our youngest's first birthday and we have had a very difficult time explaining to our 3.5yr ... [snip!] ... of her first birthday and her others but she is so hung up on brother having one and hers not being now. What would you do?"


Honestly? I'd mostly ignore it. There is a point where kids have to learn that it isn't always their turn. This is with toys, and with birthdays.



my daughter just had her 3rd birthday and her brothers 2nd is coming up. She knows it will be his birthday. If she gets jealous, we just explain again that it will be brothers day, and that she gets her day on her birthday. There are times kids will get upset, but sometimes it just has to do with "wanting" and jealousy, which does IMO need to be addressed.



There is a difference IMO between feeling jealous because you want everything and feeling replaced or neglected. Do you think she honestly feels neglected, or, my bet woudl be she's using the no one loves me stuff just to get what she wants (which is to be the center of attention).

user banned 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
25th Feb '13

I'd ignore it. She will get over it.

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
25th Feb '13

DD (3 and a half) gets upset when it is someone elses birthday and asks when hers is I just keep telling her it isn't for a few months and leave it at that.
Their time perception is not accurate at this age, something that happened 3 months ago DD with say "Well Last week when..." and something a few weeks ago she says "Yesterday when..."



I just kind of name of everyone elses birthday that comes before hers, like a time line of holidays and birthdays and it kind of works.



"Well first it is Easter, Then it is auntie Jaz's birthday, then Auntie Summer's then Memorial day, Then Jeff's birthday then it is YOUR birthday. But there are people that have to wait longer than you do, because after your birthday comes Grandma's, then Margo's then Daddy's then Mommys, and Daphne and Luke have to wait until after Christmas for theirs. " We have this discussion every time someone besides her has a birthday.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
25th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:</b>" Yesterday was our youngest's first birthday and we have had a very difficult time explaining to our 3.5yr ... [snip!] ... of her first birthday and her others but she is so hung up on brother having one and hers not being now. What would you do?"</blockquote>




Wow! I am honestly thinking this isn't about the birthday as much as it is the insecurity of the younger sibling getting the attention. My twins are 2 yes older than my son. They understood the birthday thing when they were 3 and he turned 1.



I might approach this with a different point of view.

Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[ATE] 3 kids; Hawaii 10340 posts
25th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:</b>" Yesterday was our youngest's first ... [snip!] ... They understood the birthday thing when they were 3 and he turned 1. I might approach this with a different point of view."</blockquote>



Well most of the year we have had to explain to her why brother gets more attention right now. She started doing better when she realized we would say "no" to him and out him in "time out" (we have a play yard for him and when he's getting into everything we put him in there to crawl around) but then as we got to his birthday she started going back to not wanting to be nice.



When we moved to Hawaii we told her months to come we were moving to a big island so she would understand, same with when her birthday came we told her weeks prior and her brothers as well. She did fine waiting and adjusting to the first two just not brothers birthday.

Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[ATE] 3 kids; Hawaii 10340 posts
25th Feb '13

It might help if I do add DH is working nights this month and only sees her about 2hrs during the day (except days off) They had a nightly thing going where he would read her a story (he does them better than I can) but now he can't. When I tried to step in and do the nightly stories she didn't want anything to do with it.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
25th Feb '13

Can you do a mommy daughter date? Something just you and her that is "special". Even if it is painting her toes while brother sleeps and having a "conversation". Get up early for special "coffee" (we do chocolate milk warmed) and begals.



Something that diverts attention to just her and is special just for her.

Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[ATE] 3 kids; Hawaii 10340 posts
25th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Can you do a mommy daughter date? Something just you and her that is "special". Even if it is painting ... [snip!] ... "coffee" (we do chocolate milk warmed) and begals. Something that diverts attention to just her and is special just for her."</blockquote>




We usually try to do that but with daddy's schedule it's hard to get a routine sometimes. I will try the early morning coffee though that sounds like a good idea :)

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
25th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy Pwnt Pwnt[A&T]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Can you do a mommy daughter date? Something ... [snip!] ... schedule it's hard to get a routine sometimes. I will try the early morning coffee though that sounds like a good idea :)"</blockquote>




Good luck!!