My head hurts, my body hurts, my insides hurt, my eyes hurt. My heart is broken and I don't think it can be mended. It's broken for my poor sister who is having to deal with all of this, it's broken for my nephew who I can never see again, and a small selfish part of it is broken for me.
I haven't slept, I haven't eaten anything since before it happened accept a little bit of food SO forced me to eat and now I just want to puke it up.
My mind wont shut off and I feel that I can't even produce any more tears.
I can't even walk into my room. It's cold and dead in there. I'm looking for a new bed and got new sheets and pillows but I don't think that's going to fix it.
It's that whole room.
How am I ever supposed to go back in there?
They say it was SIDS but I can't accept it. He was fine. He was happy. I just checked on him.
I can't stop replaying it all in my head. No matter how much I try it all just keeps coming back.
People keep offering to talk and I am lost for words. So I sit here and just type it all out. But it wont help anything. It just helps me breathe for a minute.
It doesn't feel real. I just want to curl up in a ball and pretend it never happened. But I can't. I have to be a mother to my children, I have to be the support for my sister, and eventually I will have to look at him one last time.
How am I going to do that? To see his lifeless body? And to know that I was the last person to ever see him alive? I want him back. I want to hold him and to hear his laugh, to feel his cuddles as he plays with my hair. I want him back.
I'm so, so sorry for what your family is going through. I can't imagine the kind of pain you're feeling right now. You're in my thoughts :(
RIP little guy.
I am so sorry. I know those words seem meaningless. I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I was in tears reading this. *hugs*
I am so sorry for your and your family's loss.
Oh mamma. I'm so sorry. I know the pain is still very fresh but your probably going to need to get on some meds to get through this. Just try to distract your mind for now. Curl up with your los or dh on the couch and watch a funny movie maybe. Or try and sleep. Praying for you.
Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:" My head hurts, my body hurts, my insides hurt, my eyes hurt. My heart is broken and I don't think it ... [snip!] ... I want him back. I want to hold him and to hear his laugh, to feel his cuddles as he plays with my hair. I want him back."
Omg, nothing I say is going to make this any better, but I am so sorry.
:( No one deserves that.
I read your previous posts...he is a beautiful baby. Express your grief however feels right.
Grief cannot exist without love <3 It is okay to be broken.
Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine it... my heart aches for you & your sister :(
My heart is breaking for you...I cannot stop crying after reading your posts. I am so very sorry. Praying for you and your family. He was so beautiful.
Im so sorry. Im so sad for you :( Im Praying for you, your sister and your family. <3 Pm me if you ever want to talk. Im always here.
I am so incredibly sorry. He is a beautiful boy and very lucky to have you as his auntie. You, your sister, and everyone else affected by this tragedy will be in my thoughts.
Rest in peace little man.
Oh my, I'm so sorry!!! My heart hurts for you and your family. *hugs*
I'm so sorry. I know I've said it before, and I wish I had more I could do. We are all thinking and praying for you guys.
it sounds like you arent giving yourself a chance to grieve. you have been through and are going through something so traumatic most of us haven't even faced it in our worst nightmares. you need some time to yourself, or maybe with your sister if you think both of you would be okay with that. dont try to hold up the world, your kids, everything. dont try to belittle your greif because he was your sisters child. you need support just like she does.
I wish we could make it better, i wish we could take it back. I wish somehow all the replays in your head would somehow make the ending change.
Im so sorry :(