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confused and very hurt sweetali Due October 26; 3 kids; Barnwell, South Carolina 5 posts
26th Feb '13

My boyfriend and I just found out we are expecting. However, the day before we found out a girl he had a one night stand with when we broke up a while back tells him she is pregnant. last night when I decided to go tell him I am not mad and I support him and blah blah blah the girl goes to the hospital and is in the middle of miscarrying. He refused to look at me, touch me, kiss me, ANYTHING. He woke up this morning and decided he wanted to have sex...in the middle of sex...he looks at me and stops. says he cant do this. goes to the shower and goes to aiken.to check on baby mama 2. I understand how painful a miscarriage is. I had two. one was quite recent and still weighs heavily since I am pregnant again. we have been ttc for some time. he didnt act like this when we lost our baby. why am I seemingly not good enough? What makes a one night stabd different than a two year relationship? What did I do wrong??? I am also hurting. Why doesnt he notice that I am in pain that this one night stand gets more attention than our baby? Am I missing something here????

sweetali Due October 26; 3 kids; Barnwell, South Carolina 5 posts
26th Feb '13

Btw-aiken is a town that is almost an hour frim where we live.

Alice. Due May 17; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Manchester, United Kingdom 1584 posts
26th Feb '13

He might feel something is wrong with him, since 2 people he has been with have had miscarriages. I know DH felt that way when I lost one, 2 of his previous girlfriends had miscarriages too and he had no kids at that point (we have DS now). I talked to him as he was pretty distant when I was miscarrying and it turned out he thought that it was his fault.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15001 posts
status 26th Feb '13

But he was never in a situation where one of his babies is dying while the other he just learned was created. Stop trying to compare the 2 and let the man grieve the loss of the Child. If he didn't care about you and the child you're carrying, he would leave altogether.

sweetali Due October 26; 3 kids; Barnwell, South Carolina 5 posts
26th Feb '13

I feel like he is leaving. I am leaving him alone. I havent said a thing to him. Just that Im here when he feels ready to talk. He has been with her since seven am! He even went so far as to find me a job...he has always told me not to work. Just to stay home with ny children from my previous relationship...Im not a cold hearted b***h or anything. Im actually very understanding and keep my distance when he asks me to. I havent even so much as texted him today. I am just sitting here waiting for him to return home. I wasnt even going to ask anything of him. I am actually at a friends house so he can have space.

Bri + One ♥ Due October 19; 1 child; Florida 4316 posts
26th Feb '13

I agree with Alice. He also may be worried that the same thing could happen to the LO you are carrying. Since it has happened twice with you & now with this other woman. Try to support him. It may be hard & you may feel like he resents you, but this may be his way of grieving.

Daesey 1 child; 2 angel babies; Kansas 1482 posts
26th Feb '13

He could also be feeling a tremendous amount of guilt --- guilt for the one-night-stand, guilt for hurting you, guilt for this girl having a miscarriage that he might feel responsible for, guilt that he was not a part of this baby before this happened. Guilt is a strong feeling and can make people do or say things they would not in other situations.



I think you're doing the right thing. Just give him space & be there for him. This is a LOT to take in emotionally. Even if this girl wasn't a 2yr relationship like you.... this was his child & it IS a loss for him. Stay strong, lil mama!

sweetali Due October 26; 3 kids; Barnwell, South Carolina 5 posts
26th Feb '13

His story about her is also really nessed up. He asked me to marry him a few months ago. Then we split up. He saw me with a guy I didnt know was his friend. I chose him over the friend. He tells me this girl was a one night stand but I recently found a LOT of messages on his phone frim someone called Shorty. it was all Im sorry. I want you. Youre my princess, Im here for you, she means nothing to me...he says it was his friends gf and his friend used his phone the night before. I wasnt snooping, it rang and showed the popup. I read it and THEN snooped. I believed him and let it go. When he told me the girl was pregnant, he said she is two months. a few mins later he says she tells him she will call in four months when the baby is born...I still let it slide. He was fine until last night. He asked if he could feel my belly because the doctor showed me where to feel the LO (apparently its a small lump???) Anywho we couldnt find it. when I found it I tried to let him feel and he jerked away from me like I was going to chop his hand off! He NEVER acts distant or refuses to hold me when we sleep. I understand he is grieving. I just feel there is more to.this story. I have a bad habit of reacting without thinking. Fingured I should get some perspective from y'all.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15001 posts
status 26th Feb '13
Quoting sweetali:" His story about her is also really nessed up. He asked me to marry him a few months ago. Then we split ... [snip!] ... is more to.this story. I have a bad habit of reacting without thinking. Fingured I should get some perspective from y'all."

So in reality, you weren't broken up at all when she got pregnant, he cheated on you. I can understand the feelings a little bit more now. I still wouldn't jump to conclusions though. Whenever he gets back, give him a little time to deal with whatever he's feeling and then talk about it.