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This will be all over the place.. Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19010 posts
26th Feb '13

Ok so first I'm going to vent/talk
Today was different. I still didn't sleep and the little food I ate I puked back up but it wasn't as horrible.
My sister and I went to the mall to get dresses for tomorrow and for the funeral. And for the first time since it happened we were "normal". We realized finding dresses that willl fit over my boobs is next to impossible and at one point just fell on the floor together laughing until we cried together. It was almost like we could let all the stress from the last few days and all the people and questions and feeling just go for one second.
Then we went back to her step moms house and drank until we didn't care that people kept talking to us.
After that I really didn't want to go home so one of my friends came and took me out for coffee. He was amazing. He let me talk about it, he let me cry (again), he kept me occupied, and just didn't ask me questions.
I found out that literally everything for the baby has been taken care of. Literally every since penny that needs to be spent has been taken care of. It's amazing. Thousands of dollars that none of us have has been donated.
Not only that but family/friends from all over the country are coming tomorrow.
Our Grandpa and Uncle from my Mom's side that we haven't seen in almost 10 years are here from Washington and Iowa. The baby's Grandma from his Dad's side of the family is here with her sisters from Louisiana, there are people coming from florida, and virginia, and other places I can't remember.
The things that have been done in the last 3 days are amazing.



I was finally alone in my apartment today. At first it was ok. I was able to get around and do what was needed. But as soon as I needed to get my clothes it was like the world stopped again. I can't even think about that room without breaking down. I sat in my doorway right where they had him on the floor and cried and cried and cried. It's so cold in there.
At first I thought I could just replace all the sheets and pillows but then I decided I couldn't even touch the bed. But now I don't even know if I can go back in that room. I can't even set foot in there without my heart stopping, without seeing him like that, without hearing the screaming again.
That's all I hear in the silence. The screaming. Hearing people try to talk to me and I can't stop screaming. I talked to my neighbor about it today and I realized I don't even remember a good hour of my life. It's all just gone. All that's there for a memory is screaming.
I have to go see him tomorrow. I want to see him. But I don't either. When I saw him at the hospital it wasn't him. Even my sister agrees. It's his body but it's not him. It was like looking at one of those baby alive dolls. It was like he was fake.
I had a dream last night that woke me up. I swore I could hear him crying in my room. I actually jumped off the couch. I could hear him. It was his cry. But as soon as I turned for the door it stopped. And it hit me that he was gone again.



Sorry I know this probably made no sense I just need to get it all out. I can't really say exactly what's going on in my head to anyone I know right now. But I feel like I'm going to get sick again. So I guess I'm done lol.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
26th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" Ok so first I'm going to vent/talk Today was different. I still didn't sleep and the little food I ate ... [snip!] ... what's going on in my head to anyone I know right now. But I feel like I'm going to get sick again. So I guess I'm done lol."</blockquote>




Before I read this I just want to say... I died laughing at your avi

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
27th Feb '13

Many, many hugs. <3

nothing to see Due August 21 (boy); 2 kids; Japan 602 posts
27th Feb '13

I m truly sorry for your loss.

Jamie & Baby Aria 1 child; Ahmeek, Michigan 2665 posts
27th Feb '13

Oh hun I am so sorry <3 Prayers, thoughts, and hugs to you and yours.



My dad died November 5, 2011. My mom has had dreams my dad was in bed snoring, or just hugging her, etc that have woken her up too. When I first got pregnant with DD in January 2012, I was home alone dead asleep in the afternoon when the phone must have rang. Well I woke up to my dad yelling "Jame! Phone for you." Just like he did hundreds of times, only it wasn't him. He wasn't home, I was. I know that may not help, but just trying to help in any way I can. And to say, those things happen. I think its our minds trying to make things normal, trying to relive what we want to be real so badly.



Once again, hugs. You don't know me but PM me any time.

Hathor + A Due December 23 (girl); 16 kids; Spring, Texas 12834 posts
27th Feb '13

I am here if you need anything

*C-Ya* 143 kids; Charles City, Iowa 6768 posts
27th Feb '13

I just read back and I can't stop crying. I am so sorry.

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
27th Feb '13

I am sorry for your family's loss. I will be thinking of you of you guys while you try to get through this rough time...

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 61358 posts
27th Feb '13

*hugs* I'm thinking about you a lot, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19010 posts
27th Feb '13

I blacked out after I wrote this. Idk what happened. After I got sick I went to go get some water and just started shaking really bad. The next thing I know SO was on the floor with me begging me to get up.
I really don't want to do this today. I need to go shower and get dressed but I don't want to see him and I don't want to be surrounded by all those people.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
27th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I blacked out after I wrote this. Idk what happened. After I got sick I went to go get some water and ... [snip!] ... today. I need to go shower and get dressed but I don't want to see him and I don't want to be surrounded by all those people."</blockquote>



Stay strong, you can do this.

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
27th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rydicule91:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" Ok so first I'm going to vent/talk ... [snip!] ... again. So I guess I'm done lol."</blockquote> Before I read this I just want to say... I died laughing at your avi"</blockquote>




You should have read it first.



That comment is in the wrong post at the wrong time. Not appropriate.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
27th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rd.:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rydicule91:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's ... [snip!] ... You should have read it first. That comment is in the wrong post at the wrong time. Not appropriate."</blockquote>




:!:

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
27th Feb '13
Quoting Rd.:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rydicule91:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's ... [snip!] ... You should have read it first. That comment is in the wrong post at the wrong time. Not appropriate."


:!::!::!:
Definitely read the topic before posting....

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
27th Feb '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rd.:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rydicule91:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's ... [snip!] ... You should have read it first. That comment is in the wrong post at the wrong time. Not appropriate."</blockquote>




:!: