We had the viewing today.
My sister had me come early with her so that we could say goodbye to him one last time before they closed his casket.
And as scared as we were to see him we both agreed that it almost helped seeing him today since the last time we saw him was before we left the hospital, where he just looked... dead.
I broke down again but eventually gathered myself and was able to make it through the rest of the day. It was overwhelming at spots. There were lots of hugs and lots of questions.
I felt like I had a lot of people watching me when they should have been paying attention to my sister. So I quietly made an exit and hid in another part of the funeral home.
I still can't go in my room. The door has been closed since it happened. It's like it just doesn't exist unless I HAVE to go in there. I avoid the bed and step over the spot where the paramedics had him. I can't breathe in there.
But, as long as I'm not in there it's getting easier to deal with I guess. I'm still not sleeping and the only food I eat has been forced lol. But I am drinking fluids again which helped with the whole shaking/passing out thing.
Ugh, I'm at a loss for words. I have so much I want to say but it's stuff I've already said 19832x this week.
I can't stop thinking about it but I don't want to think about it either.
I want to go meet up with my sister and my babies and my nephew and go to the park. I want us all just to go and laugh about this like it was some nightmare. I want to see my sister smile again.
I don't know how life is supposed to ever be normal again.
I understand people die. But usually it's a grandparent, or someone who was sick. An adult that got to experience life. Not a f**king 8 month old. Not a baby that was just learning how to eat real food and crawl and be a little person. Not a child that never even got to celebrate his first birthday.
This isn't right.
omg im so sorry what happened?
I have been thinking about you and praying for your family.
It is tough now, it will get easier tho.
Eating and drinking is essential tho. You need to be healthy to take care of yourself, your sister and your children.
i found your thread and im in tears. i just cant imagine. im so sorry
Quoting I'm Marbles:" I have been thinking about you and praying for your family. It is tough now, it will get easier tho. ... [snip!] ... tho. Eating and drinking is essential tho. You need to be healthy to take care of yourself, your sister and your children."
The need for water has been kicking in :oops: So fluids have been pretty big today but I'm still not hungry. And every time I do eat I just get so sick to my stomach.
Quoting I love Kenzi:" i found your thread and im in tears. i just cant imagine. im so sorry"
I am so sorry for your loss!!!
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. There are no words I can say that will give you comfort, only time can do that. I will be praying for strength, comfort, and healing for you and your loved ones.
from what i read there was nothing you can do. if their brain forgets to tell them to breathe the can be gone in less than 5 minutes. there was no way for you to have known.
Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:" The need for water has been kicking in :oops: So fluids have been pretty big today but I'm still not hungry. And every time I do eat I just get so sick to my stomach."
What about a nutritional shake. (Totally forgot the name of it). At least that is something.
Quoting I love Kenzi:""
That isnt going to make her feel better, at all.
One of my friends baby died if sids at 3 months. This was back in 2002. My son was a month younger. And having to go through this with her i promise you that things will get better and even though life will never be back to the normal you knew life will go on and you will devolope strong coping skills, also u will eat and sleep again. Also i know everyone involved will be blessed again. My friend ended up having twins a year later when it never ran in her family. I just want you to know i been thinking of you and ur sister since i read your post. It put me in tears. So sending you my blessing and healing vibes and hugs.
Quoting I'm Marbles:" That isnt going to make her feel better, at all. "
nothing will. its just not her fault in any way
*hugs* I'm still thinking about you constantly. <3
<blockquote><b>Quoting I love Kenzi:</b>" nothing will. its just not her fault in any way"</blockquote>
It just sounds heartless of you to say IMO.