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Two Options... lmeredi3 Due July 18; Jackson, Mississippi 5 posts
3rd Mar '13

I'm really torn between two decisions.. I am currently 20 weeks with my first child. My boyfriend and I don't live near any of our families for the moment. Yet we had planned to move to where his family is from this summer.. around my due date before we found out about my pregnancy. We both work "menial" jobs.. I am a server and he is a manager at a store. He was adopted and is "supportive" of either decision I make but I don't feel like he really will be if I make the "wrong one." I fear that I won't be able to have another child due to some issues I've had have with my body, previous cysts and bacterial infections, added to my family's issues with pregnancy, mother had several miscarriages and her mother passed away during child birth. I've made it so far already and have been excited about this new adventure in life. I've been looking up all these nursery ideas, what to expect, budgeting moms, etc the usual stuff. And I feel now that it was for nothing. We both have only a year left of school but my boyfriend feels that we will never be able to go back or do anything else that "we want to do" because now we have someone else to take care of. I just want someone to talk to who has been through this before or debating the same situation. I've been really down the past few days since we've had our main discussion on adoption/keeping the baby.

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49251 posts
3rd Mar '13

I haven't been there, but I can say that, yes, you life does change. It's more hectic but still not impossible to do things you want. My husband juggles full time work, full time school, and full time dad. It's exhausting but it is possible. There's also always the option, if you take adoption to do an open adoption.

Blair Nealey 2 kids; Darlington, South Carolina 312 posts
3rd Mar '13

I was 2 months away from graduating high school when I got pregnant with my first. At first, I thought my life was over. I was scared to death. But after I got over the initial shock I didn't let it stop me from doing things I wanted to to do. That same year, while pregnant, I started college. Today, I am still currently enrolled in college with a 3.40 GPA and a semester away from getting my Paralegal Degree. I am also expecting my second child in May. My DD's father and I have our own place and have been together 3 years. We still get to go out and do things we want to do. Yeah there are times when things get tough financially or whatever, but you learn to work through them. Just because you have a child, it doesn't mean your life is over. You can still do things you want to do, just may be not when you would want to.

Klaus 2 kids; Mississippi 23429 posts
3rd Mar '13

Going to school is hard with a baby, I'm not gonna lie. My son was born between my junior and senior year of college and I was able to finish, but I had a lot of support from my family. We weren't married at the time, but DH and I were both servers when we had our son and it was super difficult because babies are so expensive. We had financial help from both of our families, and we each lived at home. Honestly I don't know if we could have done it without family support from both sides, and even with that help it was hard. Our son is almost 5 now and we're married, but because of some unexpected medical situations we are still not doing well financially, even though we are stable and don't need help from family anymore. It's still really tight for us five years later.



So basically what I'm saying is that it is possible, but you already know that it's not an easy road. No one can tell you exactly how hard it will be for you. I totally understand your fear about doing adoption when medically you may not be able to have another child later on. If I was in that situation I would be terrified also. Adoption is a hard decision in any situation and it takes someone really strong to go through with it.



I know that pretty much nothing I just said was helpful to you, I'm sorry lol. But good luck with everything!

I like you. California 55 posts
3rd Mar '13

Be sure to do what makes you happy and be sure its a choice you can live with. If you do choose adoption, even of its open, be sure to accept that the adoptive parents may not follow through with it. Happened to a friend of mine. :(

Chelsie McKibben Due March 23; 1 child; La Grande, Oregon 66 posts
3rd Mar '13

I was 15 wen i got pregnant and the father dipped, so i did it alone. Its scarey and its hard but i managed to graduat high school nd find a career with a kid, alone for the first 2 1/2 years.. and im pregnant again (and still with the dad).... i think adoption is an insane idea, considering putting ur kid in the system is nuts. Your the one that got pregnant, so you shud own up to your responsibilities.... im really not trying to sound mean or judgmental at all, im just very strongly against putting children up for adoption. There are enough of them out there that need good homes. No more childen need to be added to that list.

s00nt0be04 4 kids; Louisville, Kentucky 543 posts
3rd Mar '13

With our 3rd we did think about adoption, we thought we couldn't afford another child and we thought we couldn't handle another one. In the end last minute we decided that we were going to keep her. I am going to school and so is DH but we make it work. We still get to go out and do things we did before kids came along. The conversation parts of our dinner have changed but that's okay. We both work. DH has more of a set schedule where I have a flexible one. It's just a matter of what you're comfortable with and what you think is best for you and your SO. Now, we're expecting baby #4 and we're still doing fine. We still go out and have "our time" and we have alone time. Some days were harder than others and some days it's a bit stressful but in the end we know we made all the right decisions for our lives.

lmeredi3 Due July 18; Jackson, Mississippi 5 posts
3rd Mar '13

Thanks ladies I really appreciate the quick responses! I apologize if my story was a little jumbled.
I know that adoption won't be easy.. I've explained that to my boyfriend and he understands that but I don't feel he fully 100% gets how I feel. I mean I am that feels the little kicks now, the one who has girlfriends coming up and asking me about my little fellow and the one who has already all this emotional attachment to my child. In addition I don't want to label of giving up my child for adoption. Yeah I know there are things I would like to do and with having a child would make it difficult but it isn't impossible. I just don't want to live with all the "what if's" I have several friends from high school that either had a child then or soon after and are doing okay. I mean it isn't ideal at all but it IS possible is the point I want my boyfriend to understand. I know that he just wants the absolute best for his son.
Then if I do go through adoption, I've asked my boyfriend would he like to do "open, semi or close" and he said he didn't know. So that's not really something I wanted to hear, because honestly I feel like if you are going to push what you feel is best on me then have a full opinion on it. I personally don't think I could do open because I feel that after every visit or picture I'll regret what I did.. but I also could be proud of my decision.

lmeredi3 Due July 18; Jackson, Mississippi 5 posts
3rd Mar '13
Quoting Chelsie McKibben:" I was 15 wen i got pregnant and the father dipped, so i did it alone. Its scarey and its hard but i managed ... [snip!] ... up for adoption. There are enough of them out there that need good homes. No more childen need to be added to that list."


I'll have you know that I've looked extensively into adoption with CHRISTIAN services that have set requirements for married couples wishing to adopt. I am not planning on just "throwing my child into the system." I understand you are not trying to be rude but... this is a forum I've created for my personal benefit and do not want to read such insulting comments.

Klaus 2 kids; Mississippi 23429 posts
3rd Mar '13
Quoting Chelsie McKibben:" I was 15 wen i got pregnant and the father dipped, so i did it alone. Its scarey and its hard but i managed ... [snip!] ... up for adoption. There are enough of them out there that need good homes. No more childen need to be added to that list."


I understand your concern, but infant adoptions aren't really the same as giving a child up for adoption. In private adoption the babies aren't "put into the system", they are placed with specific families that most of the time pay 20k+ in fees to adopt them and have been through A LOT in order to be able to even adopt a baby.

Chelsie McKibben Due March 23; 1 child; La Grande, Oregon 66 posts
3rd Mar '13

I wasnt tryin to be insulting, but why get pregnant if your not going to take care of ur child? There r lots of ways to not get pregnant. I guess i just cudnt ever imagine giving my son or daughter up for adoption knowing they would always wonder why i didnt want them. Especially if it was simply because i just wanted to do my own thing and not have children to take care of...

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
3rd Mar '13
Quoting Chelsie McKibben:" I wasnt tryin to be insulting, but why get pregnant if your not going to take care of ur child? There ... [snip!] ... didnt want them. Especially if it was simply because i just wanted to do my own thing and not have children to take care of..."



Seriously shut up. You are being really rude.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
3rd Mar '13
Quoting lmeredi3:" Thanks ladies I really appreciate the quick responses! I apologize if my story was a little jumbled. ... [snip!] ... do open because I feel that after every visit or picture I'll regret what I did.. but I also could be proud of my decision."

If you ever feel like you are going to regret this [meaning adoption], dont do it. I had the thought in my head that I was going to regret it. And I wish I had listened to my head.

Chelsie McKibben Due March 23; 1 child; La Grande, Oregon 66 posts
3rd Mar '13

Like i said im not meaning to. im just putting my opinion which is wat she wanted. im just not sugar coating it......

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
3rd Mar '13
Quoting Chelsie McKibben:" Like i said im not meaning to. im just putting my opinion which is wat she wanted. im just not sugar coating it......"


Do you realize how hard of a time she is having and you saying that to her could shatter her right now. Birth control isnt 100% effective. I purposly got pregnant and then had an abortion... [long story]. Then I got pregnant again on the pill and I did adoption.