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How does that make me selfish? Addi's Momma Due January 23 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 5597 posts
status 4th Mar '13

I hate discussing finances with dh. It always turns into a fight and his telling me I am selfish and spoiled. I don't think it makes me selfish or spoiled to want a comfortable life. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck or have to choose which bills to pay. I want to be able to afford nice things and enjoy life instead of having this stress of never having money. He just bitches that I am spoiled and if I didn't have everything handed to me as a child then I wouldn't be so focused on money. I am really not that focused on money, I would like to make as much together as he did in the marine corps including insurance. Right now I have to pay $650 a month to cover the 3 of us for health insurance. That is half my check. Working full time between health insurance, day care and gas to get to and from work I take home zero dollars. I am so stressed constantly about money and he just has this whatever attitude and says it will work out. We are short $500 a month and neither of us ever see dd. He doesn't see this as a problem. I miss my baby and am angry that if nothing changes we will be broke and I will never see either of my children. I wish he would take this more seriously.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
4th Mar '13

Do you have a finance plan you want to implement or are you just mad he's not making more?

Naturally Alternative 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Lafayette, Louisiana 6299 posts
4th Mar '13

I feel your pain... I don't work because as you said, with everything I'd make no money so what's the use (not to mention I have no schooling thus would get min wage only)... but he's always saying I think too much about money. No, I dont' want a huge house and 5 cars and etcetc... but it'd be nice to have bills paid, groceries, money to put into savings in case, and a bit extra for fun... nothing wrong with wanting to live comfortably without that stress of money.

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
4th Mar '13

A lot of it depends on what your definition of "comfortable" is. You might not be able to buy the brand name food at the grocery store, but get the store brand instead, you'll get the same product without paying for the name. My SO is basically supporting two households on his ONE income. He pays our household expenses, plus $800 every month for child support for his other two kids.



You have to figure out where you can reasonably cut back, what you can do without.

Addi's Momma Due January 23 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 5597 posts
status 4th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting 3 little monsters:</b>" Do you have a finance plan you want to implement or are you just mad he's not making more? "</blockquote>




I want to try cutting some of our bills but I have no idea where to start cutting. We need things like car insurance, electric, gas and water. His big solution to bills was basically locking dd and I in the house. He wanted to cancel Internet, my cell phone and the cable. He would then take my car to work and I would have to find a ride to work or quit. So he would have the car and any outside form of communication when he left for the day, nothing is within walking distance here.



Yes, I am frustrated he is not making more. It was his huge thing to sell me on him getting out. I will be making so much more money babe. We will be better off in the real world. I told him he could get out if he could bring in what he was making in the marine corps. He told me that was easy since he made nothing and now we are $500 in the hole every month.

Addi's Momma Due January 23 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 5597 posts
status 4th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Naturally Alternative~19w:</b>" I feel your pain... I don't work because as you said, with everything I'd make no money so what's the ... [snip!] ... into savings in case, and a bit extra for fun... nothing wrong with wanting to live comfortably without that stress of money."</blockquote>




That's exactly how I feel. I just want bills paid and money in savings. I don't need the best of everything. I don't need the nicest cars or a giant house. I work because otherwise we would have no health insurance. We need to have that especially for dd and I need to go to my prenatal appointments.

PennyCharles Due March 30 (girl); 2 kids; Alabama 18 posts
4th Mar '13

A lot of couples that were raised with different financial situations run into this kind of problem. I assume, given his comments about you being raised with money, that he grew up with less than you did. Even though my husband's family was never "well off" when he was a child, he is more stressed about money than I am because I grew up only eating government-funded meals at school. From my perspective, things are going swimmingly! LOL But to him it feels like things are spirally out of control. The unifying element that made things better for us was me understanding his frame of reference and him understanding mine. That, and Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. If you have not researched it, look it up; it's beyond fantastic (if only for the benefits of my hubby and I always being on the same page where finances are concerned). I do suggest talking less about having nice things and focus on the more important aspect of the topic: your feeling of security. It is very important that you feel secure and that you have a promising financial future. He loves you. If you are honest about how you are feeling, and present it as a real problem for your stress level, I hope the two of you can see eye to eye. Remember that most men feel attacked when their wife/significant other is unhappy about money. Keep that in mind, because that could be another source of his opinion that you are spoiled. In truth, he may be feeling lousy about not being able to give you want you want/need. Men aren't notorious for sharing their feelings. ;)



Good luck!

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
4th Mar '13
Quoting Addi's Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 3 little monsters:</b>" Do you have a finance plan you want ... [snip!] ... he was making in the marine corps. He told me that was easy since he made nothing and now we are $500 in the hole every month."


Cutting the cable might not be a bad idea. You will pay at least 3x more if you have cable AND internet as opposed to just internet alone.

Addi's Momma Due January 23 (girl); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 5597 posts
status 4th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting PurpleBama582:</b>" Cutting the cable might not be a bad idea. You will pay at least 3x more if you have cable AND internet as opposed to just internet alone. "</blockquote>




It isn't costing that much. Our friend works there and we got everything for like $50 a month which includes Internet, cable and all the movie channels. I don't watch much cable. Dh is the one who watches it. I feel like agreeing to cancel it gives him motive to blame me when he is bored or something and we have no tv. We have Netflix but he refuses to watch it.

PennyCharles Due March 30 (girl); 2 kids; Alabama 18 posts
4th Mar '13

Yes, cutting cable is one of the things we did! You can get HuluPlus for like $9 a month and watch things when the kids are asleep (on your time).

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
4th Mar '13
Quoting Addi's Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 3 little monsters:</b>" Do you have a finance plan you want ... [snip!] ... he was making in the marine corps. He told me that was easy since he made nothing and now we are $500 in the hole every month."


Try making some compromises. Like you could agree to cut off cable and the compromise would be getting netflixs or Hulu so you can still watch some TV at a discount. I wouldn't agree to getting my phone cut off completely but maybe you can look into a cheaper monthly plan. Start cutting food expenses, buy off brand, buy cheaper cuts of meat. You can buy an entire chicken for cheaper than you can get a package of chicken breasts. Start making stuff from scratch, make your own premade pancake mix instead of buying the box brands, try your hand at making homemade bread. It's surprisingly easy and tastes better. Stop buying canned sauces and make your own, its super cheap to make a big batch and freeze it for later use. Start looking at what you buy per payday and see what you can cut out.
Last year we hit a really rough patch, I mean BAD. At one point I wasn't even sure how we were going to feed our kids. I got a LOT smarter about our shopping. You can save TONS going homemade, they have tons of recipies out there for making your own cleaners, laundry detergent, dish detergent and dishsoap for a fraction of the price. Cut up rags and use them in place of paper towels. Buy in bulk and shop sales, you can freeze almost anything to use later.
Check out this website, there are SO many great tips and advise of cutting down living expenses.
http://www.blissfulanddomestic.com/



Maybe once he sees how serious you are he will start trying harder too.

Naturally Alternative 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Lafayette, Louisiana 6299 posts
4th Mar '13
Quoting Addi's Momma:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Naturally Alternative~19w:</b>" I feel your pain... I don't ... [snip!] ... we would have no health insurance. We need to have that especially for dd and I need to go to my prenatal appointments."


Even if I worked I wouldn't get insurance since it'd only be part time min wage.



My husband was in the Air Force and was discharged. It's REALLY hard adjusting back to civilian life so I feel your pain.

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
4th Mar '13

I know how hard it is. If it wasn't for Medicaid, I wouldn't have any insurance on DD2 OR anything to cover my prenatal care right now. DD2's dad is supposed to have insurance on her, but he let two different policies lapse, and didn't tell me about it(I had to find out at her 5 year check up...the insurance was cancelled the end of June(I think) and she had surgery to remove a cyst over her eye in August, and he neglected to tell me that she didn't have insurance). Something told me to have him sign the financial responsibility paperwork that day...otherwise I'd be stuck with an outrageous medical bill right now.

Cecily's Mama 1 child; 3781 posts
4th Mar '13

My last electric bill was $48. Try unplugging things you don't use everyday, hang your clothes to dry, don't turn on unnecessary lights. Doing those three little things helped us so much.

one of each 4 me Due January 8; TTC since Mar 2014; 3 kids; Ohio 6202 posts
4th Mar '13

I am in the same boat. I want money in the bank for emergencies and I want to have all the bills paid for but my husband thinks we should be able to just spend all the money each month and if things don't get paid it's no big deal. I take care of the finances and he gets mad b/c he says i don't talk to him about it but i do and he just doesn't listen at all