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Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting LayLu:" I've had plenty of gay friends and I know if the parents pushed the subject, they'd keep to themselves ... [snip!] ... just curious. Either way.. they have to bring it up on their own time, you can't push it. But a safe sex talk is always good!"


This.



I had a friend who took a long, long time to come out... even though his mother was a lesbian. He still took a while to come to terms with it on his own time before deciding he wanted to come out. They stepped back, and let him come to it at his own pace, didn't push it.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
6th Mar '13

I wouldn't bring it up to them because it's their personal belongings and I wouldn't want them to be mad at me thinking I am spying on them or going through their things. I would always let my children know, regardless of what I've found that they can talk to me and ask questions and I will probably slip condoms into my kids drawer without saying anything at some point so that they have them if/when they need them. I wouldn't go off and encourage them to have sex or whatever but I would want them to know that I support them making their own decisions about their sexuality and that I can be a valuable resource for information and emotional support. I don't want my children to ever feel afraid of what I may think or feel like they have to hide anything from me. From their grades to friendships to sexual orientation.

Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting ~GAGA DRAMA~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" I understand that. That's why it would be ... [snip!] ... Again that would be moronic to come at your teen that way: are you gay? Come on now what kind of talk is that? Lol"


....exactly. It's moronic. That's why I wouldn't do it...



But IMO the whole concept of being concerned because you found gay porn instead of straight porn is kind of moronic, too. Porn is porn, teenagers are curious. haha... that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't treat it any differently than straight porn.



user banned California 8675 posts
6th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" ....exactly. It's moronic. That's why I wouldn't do it... But IMO the whole concept of being concerned ... [snip!] ... Porn is porn, teenagers are curious. haha... that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't treat it any differently than straight porn. "</blockquote>



To each their own. You could pretend you dont know anything or you can have a decent convo without been so obvious about it.

Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting ~GAGA DRAMA~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" ....exactly. It's moronic. That's why I wouldn't ... [snip!] ... To each their own. You could pretend you dont know anything or you can have a decent convo without been so obvious about it."


Haha.... I think conversations about safe sex and communication is important, and letting them know they can talk to me about anything as they want and feel comfortable.



What I don't think is important is rienforcing that if they're gay it's okay. It's more important to keep lines of communication open and tell them that whomever they are is okay. I don't feel the need to point out the "if you're different it's okay", because... I don't think it's that different.



We don't come out of the closet as "straight" and don't feel the need to rienforce the "if you're straight, it's okay"... and I don't want them to think there's that stigma for me.

The Time Police 2 kids; Cold Lake, AB, Canada 33400 posts
6th Mar '13

I probably wouldn't think anything of it, and leave it be. Maybe put it in a place so he knows I was in there, though lol give him a heart attack, because I'm like that.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
6th Mar '13

I wouldn't say anything about.
1- I don't really care if my teen is gay or not.
2- You can like gay porn without being gay.

user banned California 36390 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting The Doctor:" Haha.... I think conversations about safe sex and communication is important, and letting them know ... [snip!] ... feel the need to rienforce the "if you're straight, it's okay"... and I don't want them to think there's that stigma for me."


It's a stigma for a lot of people though. I would think reassuring your child that it doesn't matter who they love is really important in a world where there are still so many people telling them they're horrible. No matter if they're gay or straight.

Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting Forrest Bondurant &hearts:" It's a stigma for a lot of people though. I would think reassuring your child that it doesn't matter ... [snip!] ... important in a world where there are still so many people telling them they're horrible. No matter if they're gay or straight."


Yes, but I don't think it's strictly has to be related to sexuality. Being open about accepting your child with all their flaws and their personality through their life is more important than a conversation based on finding gay porn, KWIM? Should I be telling her I love her no matter what, even if she chooses to wear dresses? That's who she is. I love her, and I tell her I love her.



I agree that it's important to let them know you love them no matter what. But that isn't, for me, strictly relating to whom they love. It can be what they choose to do as a career, what they like to do as a hobby, their personality whether they're outgoing or shy, everything.



I also think it's greatly related to where you live, and the type of people that you are friends with, that your child knows. There are a lot of people that are and will be in my child's life that are very different from each other-- whether that's relating to sexual orientation or not. I don't know why my child would think that I would think being gay is wrong or something to hide, but if they did-- that's why conversations and communication are important. I agree that it is, don't get me wrong.



I just do not need to have a specific converasation about sexual orientation when it's triggered by specifically finding something that may (or may not) mean my child is gay. I hope to have plenty of conversations about accepting my child no matter what throughout their life.



Whether he or she wants to play football, play chess all day, play in the mud, dress in strange clothes, want to do something that I, personally, don't have an interest in... that's fine.



Hell. I was a tomboy, my daughter is a freakishly girly child. It's no more right of me to push her to be a tomboy or not want her to wear dresses because it's the "norm" than it is for me to push her to be girly if she was a tomboy. KWIM?

Destinite TTC since May 2011; 1 child; 2 angel babies; Florida 30876 posts
6th Mar '13

I would probably take the approach of another sex talk. I would emphasize that I love him and always will support him and hope that he would be comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I would not focus on the porn itself b/c I think it is fine to be curious.
I am a firm believer that sex is something that should be openly discussed. Many people just have one talk and that's it.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting ~GAGA DRAMA~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I Stab People:</b>" i wouldnt say a damn things, knowing that ... [snip!] ... the safe sex talk? By pretending you didnt know about it and something happends you would wish you did had that convo with him."

i would have had the safe sex talk long before this point.

Katie[ღ]Siℓas 17 kids; Grand Haven, Michigan 2071 posts
6th Mar '13

I would have the sex talk with them, for sure. But I wouldn't automatically assume they are gay. Maybe they just like gay porn from time to time. Hell, I like lesbian porn and I'm not a lesbian, and I'm not bi either.

user banned California 8675 posts
6th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting I Stab People:</b>" i would have had the safe sex talk long before this point."</blockquote>




Yes of course but is one time enough?

Destinite TTC since May 2011; 1 child; 2 angel babies; Florida 30876 posts
6th Mar '13
Quoting ~GAGA DRAMA~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I Stab People:</b>" i would have had the safe sex talk long before this point."</blockquote> Yes of course but is one time enough?"


Not IMO. I think it should be an ongoing conversation.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11952 posts
6th Mar '13

I would just let it be. What does it really matter any way? if they are gay they will come to you in their own time.