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user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
7th Mar '13
Quoting HamHam:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" I do all of these things :( that is why ... [snip!] ... saying you're not doing things along these lines... Just sharing my experience when my dd has struggled being away from me:)"


Ya I know I'm not doing the best hiding my frustration a lot so I could definitely improve there. Sometimes it feels impossible. I tend to grumble a lot and such, lol, and I know she picks up on me being pissed off. I don't know where to draw the line between being composed but not creepily apathetic if that makes sense. I want her to see I have feelings that can be hurt without being crazy and dramatic.

HamHam 18 kids; India 3485 posts
7th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Ya I know I'm not doing the best hiding my frustration a lot so I could definitely improve there. Sometimes ... [snip!] ... creepily apathetic if that makes sense. I want her to see I have feelings that can be hurt without being crazy and dramatic."</blockquote>
Oh I hear you for sure. Something that's worked with my DD ( and not saying its the right thing to do or say or whatever-but it works for us), is to help her understand that when she is happy, we are as her parents are happy. When she is sad or unhappy, then that makes us feel unhappy. It's helped my DD get a better sense of how her feelings and behavior makes others feel, and vis a versa. So if she starts acting up and melting down, I just say to her that seeing her sad makes me sad, and I want her to be happy. I give her space to do her thing and when she's ready to be done crying or whatever, she tells me she's happy now. She then asks me if happy too. It's not so much to force her to ignore her own feelings or anything- I just think it helps her be aware of her own feelings and how it affects others. Her meltdowns have really gone down from like 10-15 mins in the time out corner, to maybe 30 seconds to 2mins. At 3 years old developmental stage, she's starting to get the concept of cause and effect on relationships and beginning to notice other people's emotions and moods. If my DD does something undesirable, we give her feedback and let know how we feel about it and the consequence. For example, if she hits you out of frustration then let her know its not ok, the consequence, and follow through. I get frustrated but try not to escalate what's already an escalated situation. It's not easy but it's possible. I'm definitely not nice about my letting dd know my disappointment in her poor choice to behave badly, but I try my hardest not to get angry or hell or outdo her level of frustration or whatever. When she decides to make a good choice like stopping her tantrum or meltdown and comes to let me know she's all done and happy now, I give her a high five and praise for making a good choice. I dunno of any of this is helpful but figured I'd share what's worked for us so far. It's not 100% effective all the time or for every situation, but it's worked in some way or another

Life is a Highway ♫ 18 kids; Australia 9381 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" I think that is the issue? If I am not paying attention to her, it is the end of the world and she totally ... [snip!] ... morning cuz I'm not playing with her, and then just gets progressively worse with every other thing I have to do that day..."


Eli is like this with me, but he's only 18 months. Jay is just happy to go do his own thing the whole day if he could LOL. I have to pull him aside to do things, sometimes he wants to and other times he doesn't.