Reply
When is enough, enough?? BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Mar '13

Im in need of some advice. :/ im sorry if this does not make sense and is all over the place, im having a hard time trying to put everything into words.

So lately me and DH have not been getting along very well, he has been away for a while now for work. but anyways we have been constantly fight over the same things and its really getting old! When we get into our fights he says alot of hurtful things like he says he wants a divorce or i can go f myself and all kinds of stuff, when i really havent done anything wrong. My best friend has seen one of our recent fights and even said im not in the wrong and he is over reacting. Ive been told recently that our marriage is unhealthy (we just recently got married to) and that it is not how a marriage should be. Now i dont want to say that it is all him because i know i have made some mistakes. But i have to wonder if i am in the wrong for this, while my DH has been away and when i was not able to talk to him at all just threw letters i started texting a guy friend me and this guy were just friends there was nothing more than friends and all we ever talked about was how i missed my DH and all that nothing was ever said that my DH would not like. So once DH found out about this he flipped, i stopped talking to my friend which he understood and was fine with. My DH and i fought about this a couple times and just when i thought it was finally over, today he messages the guy saying all kinds of crap and pretty much starting stuff with the dude. He cant seem to get over this and its really affecting our relationship. I dont know what i should do because he has been messing with my head alot lately with saying he wants a divorce and stuff. I have talked to him about everything and told him he can not do this to me. Now im just at a loss of what to do, i dont want to leave him because he is everything to me and i love him but i dont know how much longer i can deal with his hurtful words. Any advice on what you guys think i should do?? i just wish i could say the stuff to him that he says to me but i am not like that if i dont mean it then i cant say it.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15211 posts
7th Mar '13

Next time he asks for a divorce, file for one. You don't hurt the people you love.

Ivana, VBA2C success! 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 6834 posts
7th Mar '13

if he wants a divorce, give him one. Why let him treat you like that and keep putting you down?? A marriage has to involve two people who want to be in it, not want to be divorced.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
7th Mar '13

I'd tell him if he wants a divorce then lets go get it. He is verbally and emotionally abusive and you don't need to stick around for that. Honestly, I would start looking into getting a divorce myself.

Mari-C 18 kids; Nebraska 3695 posts
7th Mar '13

If you just recently got married, I would try counseling and see if that helps.
If you honestly think you can no longer put up with his threats, verbal/mental abuse then file for a divorce. You don't have to take that crap.

Good luck :)

Sara Go 1 child; San Diego, California 866 posts
7th Mar '13
Quoting Emmy&Jazzy:" If you just recently got married, I would try counseling and see if that helps. If you honestly think ... [snip!] ... longer put up with his threats, verbal/mental abuse then file for a divorce. You don't have to take that crap. Good luck :)"

This. Definitely go to couple's counseling together. If he doesn't want to, then maybe he is serious about the divorce. Do you guy have kids together?

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Mar '13

Yeah he says he has the paperwork all filled out and ready for the divorce, which i dont know if this is true or not. we both agree that we need counseling but its hard to do that when we are living in different states until atleast june :/ my mom and friend keep saying that i need to just leave him because of the verbal/mental abuse but i havent been able to bring myself to doing it. but today i am really close to just telling him if he cant stop doing what he is doing then im gone. which i think is what im going to say to him when we talk later. but it scares me and i dont know why :(

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Mar '13
Quoting Sara Go:" This. Definitely go to couple's counseling together. If he doesn't want to, then maybe he is serious about the divorce. Do you guy have kids together?"


He has recently agreed to going to counseling with me but its hard when we are living in different states until june, and i have a child thats bio dad has signed over his rights and my DH has been with me since i was 9 months and has helped raise him.

Fanson Momma 1 child; 2 angel babies; North Carolina 6790 posts
7th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" Yeah he says he has the paperwork all filled out and ready for the divorce, which i dont know if this ... [snip!] ... is doing then im gone. which i think is what im going to say to him when we talk later. but it scares me and i dont know why :("</blockquote>




There is a lot of paper work to go over when divorcing. I doubt he has anything ready