Reply
3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
7th Mar '13

I can't understand why you didn't tell him. I'm a firm believer in protecting yourself but I really feel for this guy. I wouldn't trust you anymore, I mean he put that faith in you and you abused it. Now a baby is on the way and that's not "just a mistake" everyone makes. That's a life long commitment, the mistake was trusting you to handle the BC and expecting you to be honest. And again, he should have wrapped it up but what you did was just low. You betrayed him horribly, I hope he can forgive you. I wouldn't forgive my SO for something like that. He's got some blame here but the majority is on you. Good luck.

♥Rach♥ 2 kids; Arizona 12875 posts
7th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Ice Princess~:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting shes*almost*one!:</b>" neither is lying about being on birth ... [snip!] ... single parent family. poor bastard"</blockquote> Wow. You do realize what forum you're in, right? No need for drama."</blockquote>



Can you unquote? The post was hidden.

......... nowhere, NW, United States 25972 posts
7th Mar '13

Thanks, I didn't see that.

Trish Santiago Due April 24; 17 kids; Pottstown, Pennsylvania 11 posts
8th Mar '13

Too many females had this same problem but I agree with everyone else it's your body If you don't want to dont so what he doesn't want to be a father he kinda already is being that you already have a child and I'm sure he is there for her. And I believe if you were string enough to do it once you can do it again of he loves you he will be there to support you in any decision you make hope everything turns out well for both you and the unborn

I'm actually a virgin Due June 9; 1 child; Oregon 18466 posts
8th Mar '13

Your body, your choice. If I were you I'd get the aabortion and leave him, or leave hom and do ot on yoyr own. Youhave 4 yearold, but he isn't ready to be a dad? Doesn't sound like hes mature enogh or wprtht. Imo. Best of lucm to you, I hope you make the choicr that works for you and yoyr daughter.

malibu. 2 kids; Grand Rapids, Michigan 6298 posts
8th Mar '13

Thank you ladies that have been helpful and not rude. We did just find out Monday, so I'm going to give it some time to sink in. I'm going to talk to a therapist about it, too. I have a very long history of depression &anxiety- I don't want this decision to totally ruin my mental state.



&for the record, my SO is not a bad guy- this is NOT like him to say this kind of stuff. His main concern is that his mom and sister live out of state, the only family who live near us are his super old grand parents and his dad who has cancer- which, is a valid point.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting malibu.:" Thank you ladies that have been helpful and not rude. We did just find out Monday, so I'm going to give ... [snip!] ... of state, the only family who live near us are his super old grand parents and his dad who has cancer- which, is a valid point."


In your OP u stated that SO said he isnt ready to be a parent (i didnt go through the whole thread so 4give me if thi has been mentioned).....if he isnt ready to parent then he has no business dating a woman that already has a child. Whether he intends it or not , he is an important role model for your 4yr old (unless of course u only ''date'' him when u have a babysitter)
I was in a similar situation w/our 5th child but i told DH ,I was going off the pill (because of side effects) and scheduling for an iud(couldnt get appt for 3wks).. He went away for a week long fishing trip . When he came home and we had sex, he blamed me for not reminding him again too pullout.....(although he would never suggest termination, he was very angry and upset most of the pregnancy) I think he was mainly up set cause our youngest at the time was getting ready to start preschool. Once baby was born , he was totally fine and he decided we should try for another when she turned 1 (#5 &#6 are 20mo apart) Men can be fickle and let fear control their choices.

malibu. 2 kids; Grand Rapids, Michigan 6298 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" In your OP u stated that SO said he isnt ready to be a parent (i didnt go through the whole thread ... [snip!] ... we should try for another when she turned 1 (#5 &#6 are 20mo apart) Men can be fickle and let fear control their choices. "


You make a very good point. He really has no business being with me if he doesn't want to be a father. No one has brought that up yet, but that is a huge point.

Mommy of 3 ♦ Due June 30; 2 kids; Cumberland, Maryland 496 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting shes*almost*one!:" Keep it if you want but what you did was very fucked up now this poor guy has a child to pay for for ... [snip!] ... to pay for for the next 23 years. Good going. An abortion this early is just pills to induce a miscarriage. Not bad at all"


WOW!! So that "poor guy" also should have been using condoms!! It's not just the womans responsibility to protect from getting pregnant..He is the one who clearly don't want a child so it's his fault just as much as OP! It could have happened on BC! I conceived my first on BC. Your opinion is very one sided!!!

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting malibu.:" You make a very good point. He really has no business being with me if he doesn't want to be a father. No one has brought that up yet, but that is a huge point. "


I realized this point right away.....after being a single mother to my oldest for the first year of her life, my SO stepped in to fill the role as Daddy. He totally understood he was ''dating'' a ready made family and it wasnt ''just for fun''......which in my opinion is a huge commitment for a 19yr old ''boy'' to make. We are coming up on our 14th wedding anniversary next month and while coming into the relationship w/a child has caused some strains (BD issues) , it has made us stronger.

malibu. 2 kids; Grand Rapids, Michigan 6298 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" I realized this point right away.....after being a single mother to my oldest for the first year of ... [snip!] ... next month and while coming into the relationship w/a child has caused some strains (BD issues) , it has made us stronger."


That's so awesome. Thank God for guys like that!



When I first asked SO out & even months in us "dating" he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship in that point of his life. Now look at him, a year and a half later he's still here.



Guys have a "freak out" mode to things that frighten them. & They often don't come back to reality after some time has passed. I'm hoping this is the same situation. The idea of a baby may scare him, but so did just simply having a relationship and look how far that's gotten.



(Can you guys tell how much more positive I've gotten?! lol) You're all helping tremendously.

I'm actually a virgin Due June 9; 1 child; Oregon 18466 posts
8th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting malibu.:</b>" Thank you ladies that have been helpful and not rude. We did just find out Monday, so I'm going to give ... [snip!] ... of state, the only family who live near us are his super old grand parents and his dad who has cancer- which, is a valid point."</blockquote>




I was actually thinking about this after I posted, gibe it some time to sink in, but don't wait too long. I was actually in a very similar situation this pregnancy, and it all worked out for the best. Good luck and feel fr ee to pm if you wish

bunny love.... Due December 8; 18 kids; Lake Stevens, Washington 753 posts
8th Mar '13

don't have one, he will be incredibly happy once baby is here :) and more in love :)

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
8th Mar '13
Quoting bunny love....:" don't have one, he will be incredibly happy once baby is here :) and more in love :)"


You can't say he will be incredibly happy once the baby is here. You're giving her a sense that everything WILL work out, when it might not. He might leave her altogether.

Mommy of 3 ♦ Due June 30; 2 kids; Cumberland, Maryland 496 posts
9th Mar '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" In your OP u stated that SO said he isnt ready to be a parent (i didnt go through the whole thread ... [snip!] ... we should try for another when she turned 1 (#5 &#6 are 20mo apart) Men can be fickle and let fear control their choices. "


:!::!::!::!:
THIS!