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BD is puking... Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19287 posts
Mar 9th '13

He keeps pushing so I finally told him that I don't feel anything towards him anymore. I love him, we've been together for over 6 years but I'm not in love with him anymore.
I don't want to hurt him. But how can I live the rest of my life unhappy so that others can be happy?
People/family has been telling me that we need to break up for the last few years. The fights get out of control, we never talk and we haven't even had sex in over a month.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him and the fact that he is so upset that he is in the bathroom getting sick about it is killing me.
But I just want to think about me for once...

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
Mar 9th '13

You did what you had to do, mama.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
Mar 9th '13

Did he care as much about making you happy, as he cares about you walking away?

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
Mar 9th '13

Honestly, I think you need this. You need time to focus on you and your girls after all the shit you have been through recently. A fresh start, I guess you could call it.

thisunrest India 10368 posts
Mar 9th '13

:-(. I'm sorry mama. You've been through so much recently, I think it's essential that you take care of YOU right now. It's never easy to break it off with a good guy, but when it's completely over, it's got to be done.



But. It. Sucks.




Hugs.

Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19287 posts
Mar 10th '13
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" Honestly, I think you need this. You need time to focus on you and your girls after all the shit you have been through recently. A fresh start, I guess you could call it."


I thought breaking up was supposed to be all screaming and throwing things. Not crying and begging. :(

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
Mar 10th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I thought breaking up was supposed to be all screaming and throwing things. Not crying and begging. :( "</blockquote>




Not always.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
Mar 10th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I thought breaking up was supposed to be all screaming and throwing things. Not crying and begging. :( "</blockquote>




Not always.

Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19287 posts
Mar 10th '13
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I thought breaking up was supposed ... [snip!] ... up was supposed to be all screaming and throwing things. Not crying and begging. :( "</blockquote> Not always."


I just hate it. He keeps asking me why I don't love him anymore. And I really don't have an answer for him. Yes, all the stupid ass fights have contributed to it, the fact that we're nothing alike but that's nothing different than what it was 6 years ago.
He says he love me just the same as he did when we first got together but here I am just feeling numb to him.
I don't dislike him. I do still love him. I care about what happens to him and would NEVER take his children away from him. But I'm not IN love with him :(
I just wish I could figure out what to say to him so that he could accept it and not feel like the whole world is against him. :(

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
Mar 10th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I just hate it. He keeps asking me why I don't love him anymore. And I really don't have an answer for ... [snip!] ... just wish I could figure out what to say to him so that he could accept it and not feel like the whole world is against him. :("</blockquote>




My heart breaks for you, it really a does, you've been through so much :( I don't really have the words for you either, once you're done you're done, you can't really change that. The fights, the jealousy, the turmoil of the last few years has finally caught up with you, I think

Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19287 posts
Mar 10th '13
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I just hate it. He keeps asking ... [snip!] ... can't really change that. The fights, the jealousy, the turmoil of the last few years has finally caught up with you, I think"


Well thank you for being here non the less. I know you can't give me an answer to fix it all. I just wish I could do this with out hurting anyone.

KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1163 posts
Mar 10th '13

It sucks when break ups are like that... Hardest thing to do is see the person you once loved hurt like that. But it is impossible to make someone else happy, when you aren't happy. Sometimes it's good to be selfish. It's needed to stay sane. You have to take care of YOU first. I know I don't know you, but I know what you're going through and it's hard. Who knows, maybe you guys just need some time apart and it will work out later. Reguardless, he will be just fine. Take care of yourself mama.

Angel [Mariah's Mommy] 1 child; Indianapolis, Indiana 18065 posts
Mar 10th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" Well thank you for being here non the less. I know you can't give me an answer to fix it all. I just wish I could do this with out hurting anyone."</blockquote>




Unfortunately I don't think that's ever possible

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
Mar 10th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:</b>" I just hate it. He keeps asking me why I don't love him anymore. And I really don't have an answer for ... [snip!] ... just wish I could figure out what to say to him so that he could accept it and not feel like the whole world is against him. :("</blockquote>




He's being manipulative.

Derp Due January 10; 1 child; Camp Lejeune, NC, United States 11613 posts
Mar 10th '13

I've been in that situation (albeit not for six plus years) and to top it off I was definitely that guy's first love. He desperately wanted us to remain together and I knew breaking up with him would destroy his world so I put it off for a good three or four months. We actually weren't fighting or anything, I just felt like we were more of friends than anything. I didn't feel in love and he did which obviously caused some issues.



Eventually I realized I couldn't lead him on or live a lie. Both are terrible things for both people involved and basically make you a shitty person in the end. The longer you live a lie, the shittier a person you are. I'm not trying to be a b***h here, I know you care about his feelings and that's the main reason you're sticking around, but you're going to hurt him WAY more in the long run when you eventually end things (and you will one day) than if you just cut him off cleanly right now.



When I broke up with my ex he wouldn't talk to me for over a year. I knew it was best not to contact him either. Eventually we began talking again and at this point we are actually really good (and obviously platonic) friends. He has definitely moved on and I was never really in love with him to begin with. We both won in this situation because I decided to stop living a lie and stop with the bullshit.



Do yourself and your SO a favor and end things NOW. It'll hurt less in the long run. Besides, I have a feeling you're not ending things maybe because you don't want to be alone and that can be scary but that's a selfish reason to keep him around (if that's the case). I know I felt that way too and when I realized I was with him for the sake of having someone around (in addition to staying with him just to avoid hurting his feelings with a breakup) I felt awful and knew what I had to do.



Do the right thing. End this now and don't talk to him after it's over with. Don't act like you guys can have a friendship after six years as lovers either. If you ever plan on being "friends" you need a good long break from one another before that can happen. It NEVER works out when a couple starts talking to each other right away after a breakup. Never.



Good luck.