Reply
how to motivate boyfriend C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13

I work full-time, but my boyfriend only works part-time and goes to school part-time. But every time he gets off work, he always complains that he is tired and when I tell him that I work 40+ hours I also get tired, too. But he gets defensive and gets angry because I said that.



How do I motivate him to basically be more motivated in his job and school?

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
10th Mar '13

Is he doing bad in school...and his job? Like is he wanting to quit one or both?

KNZ. 3 kids; Washington 59247 posts
10th Mar '13

Don't compare what you two do,
cos that could just make him feel like you're saying you deal with more, etc etc
(even if you do)
Cos that's what makes him defensive.



As an adult he might just need to find the motivation in himself, if he's in a funk or something- but just being a positive person in his life could help.
Being encouraging,
asking about his day in a positive way etc etc

C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:" Is he doing bad in school...and his job? Like is he wanting to quit one or both?"

I think he's getting really unmotivate, dbut I've been with him for a year. It's hard when it feels like I'm doing a lot lately

C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting KNZ.:" Don't compare what you two do, cos that could just make him feel like you're saying you deal with more, ... [snip!] ... but just being a positive person in his life could help. Being encouraging, asking about his day in a positive way etc etc"

Thanks so much, it can be so hard sometimes when I feel tired and I suck it up when he just works 15 hours a week and he complains so much. What else should I do?

KNZ. 3 kids; Washington 59247 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting C410:" Thanks so much, it can be so hard sometimes when I feel tired and I suck it up when he just works 15 hours a week and he complains so much. What else should I do?"


:) understandable.



and hm, i'm not sure really. my plan would just be to continue being positive around him/interested in what he's doing at school & work and hopefully that makes him more motivated/awake!

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting C410:" I think he's getting really unmotivate, dbut I've been with him for a year. It's hard when it feels like I'm doing a lot lately"


I agree with KNZ. part time school, part time job might not seem like a lot. But a lot of people just have problems with handling two things at once, specially if they're the type of people that don't do well in the school environment. It takes a toll on someone's mind. I understand the whining can get annoying but KNZ is right, comparing what you do to what he does is approaching the issue in a negative way.



Ask him if he wants to find ways to destress or maybe change the way he's doing things to make it easier...work with him towards a solution.

C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting KNZ.:" :) understandable. and hm, i'm not sure really. my plan would just be to continue being positive around ... [snip!] ... positive around him/interested in what he's doing at school & work and hopefully that makes him more motivated/awake! "


Thanks, I hope that things will change.

KNZ. 3 kids; Washington 59247 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting C410:" Thanks, I hope that things will change."


Good luck!

C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:" I agree with KNZ. part time school, part time job might not seem like a lot. But a lot of people just ... [snip!] ... wants to find ways to destress or maybe change the way he's doing things to make it easier...work with him towards a solution. "

Yes, you two are very helpful. I will use these two advice, please wish me good luck thanks so much. Yes...people are different, yeah it's hard for people to focus on two things at once. Before we met though, he was only working part-time 25-30 hours a week too (no school). I'm afraid that he will revert back since he's becoming so unmotivated.

C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting KNZ.:" Good luck!"


Thank you!! How are you and your SO?

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting C410:" Yes, you two are very helpful. I will use these two advice, please wish me good luck thanks so much. ... [snip!] ... working part-time 25-30 hours a week too (no school). I'm afraid that he will revert back since he's becoming so unmotivated. "


Good Luck!

C410 ; 1 angel baby; California 314 posts
10th Mar '13
Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:" Good Luck!"


Thank you! May I ask how you and yoru SO are doing?