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3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" Herself. Again, the responsibility starts at home. As I said in my post, the day care should be reinforcing ... [snip!] ... do not dispute that. However, her saying that she depends on them to handle the "gentleness" aspect is what I was referring to."


He is spending the majority of the time at daycare. Weekends and evenings are great for reinforcing lessons but how is that going to work if the lessons she wants to teach aren't being taught to him. They are teaching him one thing when she wants to teach another. How are home lessons going to stick when 5 days a week for 8 hrs a day he is being taught something else? Your logic makes no sense, this is an 11 month old who is JUST learning how to handle these situations. Teaching him one thing at home won't transfer over like it would with a 4 year old, he is just learning and being taught two ways to deal with one situation.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting 3 little monsters:" He is spending the majority of the time at daycare. Weekends and evenings are great for reinforcing ... [snip!] ... won't transfer over like it would with a 4 year old, he is just learning and being taught two ways to deal with one situation. "


And let me repeat myself AGAIN, I said if she is doing these things at home and asking them to reinforce them, I completely agree with that.



My only complaint was in the wording that suggested that she is relying solely on the daycare to handle it. Her words, not mine. She has clarified as have I.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" You have other children, correct? Are you saying that at no point at home he shows the same aggressive ... [snip!] ... that is fine. If you are depending on them to simply handle it for you, that is where I don't think their responsibility lies."


Playing with older siblings IS NOT the same as playing with other children his own age or younger.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46765 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" I didn't twist anything. :? That was a direct quote of yours. Again, read my posts. You only want ... [snip!] ... am sorry that you don't like it. Switch him to a new daycare that fits your needs more if you so choose. No sweat off my back."

Er no. I see what you quoted and what irritates me is that you assume I don't plan to parent my child at all. Assumably I just ship him off to daycare and expect them to teach him everything so I don't have to be a parent? That's what it sounded like.

♀NoBoysAllowed 19 kids; San Diego, California 51862 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" And let me repeat myself AGAIN, I said if she is doing these things at home and asking them to reinforce ... [snip!] ... that suggested that she is relying solely on the daycare to handle it. Her words, not mine. She has clarified as have I."


Even though it's not what she meant, I don't think it matters if it was reinforcement from home. The daycare providers should still give him the same quality care as they would any other child.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" And let me repeat myself AGAIN, I said if she is doing these things at home and asking them to reinforce ... [snip!] ... that suggested that she is relying solely on the daycare to handle it. Her words, not mine. She has clarified as have I."


You are taking what she said out of context. She said she was relying on them teach those thing because they are the main caretakers. Not that she was relying solely on them to teach her child period. It was obvious what she meant by that considering she is worried about the improper behavior they are encouraging.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Er no. I see what you quoted and what irritates me is that you assume I don't plan to parent my child ... [snip!] ... ship him off to daycare and expect them to teach him everything so I don't have to be a parent? That's what it sounded like."


I don't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't do that. I'm a teacher and honestly, a lot of people do. :oops: I teach 3rd grade and I have parents daily ask me why I'm not doing things that no matter how much I try and teach at school - if its not reinforced at home, it won't matter. I usually get "Well, thats your job, not mine."



I was not at all attempting to be offensive. I was simply hoping you would clarify because your original post did seem as though you were placing the full responsibility on their shoulders and as a teacher, its hard to be in their shoes.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46765 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting 3 little monsters:" He is spending the majority of the time at daycare. Weekends and evenings are great for reinforcing ... [snip!] ... won't transfer over like it would with a 4 year old, he is just learning and being taught two ways to deal with one situation. "

More-so... the bigger problem is that his only issues are at daycare. Not home. He doesn't know how to be nice with the little babies there. THEY are with him all day when he is with those babies, so for that, yeah... I am relying on them to teach him how to play nicely with them. I can't... I'm not there. When he's biting, THEY need to give him something he CAN bite on. How can I do that when I'm not there?



It makes no sense.



And you are right... if I'm teaching him on evenings and weekends to be gentle and have "nice hands" and then all damn day, every day, at daycare he is taught absolutely NOTHING it's going to make all my hard work go to waste. It's going to make it hard for anything I'm trying it teach him to stick.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting ♀NoBoysAllowed:" Even though it's not what she meant, I don't think it matters if it was reinforcement from home. The daycare providers should still give him the same quality care as they would any other child."


Technically speaking, though, in a situation like biting, redirection and removal from the area is a pretty common tactic at most early learning institutions. Its to help the child understand that if they keep doing what they are doing, they aren't allowed to be near that person/toy/thing anymore as well as prevent them from hurting another child.



I don't know why this specific day care chooses a ball pit but it isn't necessarily harmful for them to remove him from the situation for a moment.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" More-so... the bigger problem is that his only issues are at daycare. Not home. He doesn't know how to ... [snip!] ... it's going to make all my hard work go to waste. It's going to make it hard for anything I'm trying it teach him to stick."


And that was my point in my original post only in reverse. If the daycare were to be doing that daily (not saying they are), and you weren't at home, it wouldn't stick either.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46765 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" I don't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't do that. I'm a teacher and honestly, a lot of ... [snip!] ... did seem as though you were placing the full responsibility on their shoulders and as a teacher, its hard to be in their shoes."

Well it did seem offensive to me.
And there is no possible way I can teach him these lessons on my own right now. I don't have little tiny babies that he needs to be gentle with. I will, soon though... and that is my concern. If he is not ever taught AT DAYCARE how to be nice with these babies, when this baby comes is he going to think that the hitting/biting he's been displaying at daycare is okay since they didn't teach him when that behavior happened? It's likely! I don't want that. So as I said... in a way I AM relying on them. He is in this situation with little babies before I even have a chance to have that opportunity with him at home and if he gets accustomed to how they are doing things with the babies there, how will it carry on back home?

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46765 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" Technically speaking, though, in a situation like biting, redirection and removal from the area is a ... [snip!] ... specific day care chooses a ball pit but it isn't necessarily harmful for them to remove him from the situation for a moment."

Understandably... but how can he learn how to play nicely if he isn't shown. If he's always just stuck by himself he's never going to learn. He's thinking "if I bite, I get put in this damn ballpit." I want him to have THIS thinking... "if I need to bite, I need to find a teether/toy... not my friend." How can he learn that? They need to show him. When he's cranky and teething and showing attempts to bite they need to give him something that IS appropriate to bite on. He's not even a year old yet... he doesn't undertstand why he's being shunned to the ball pit and why no one will play with him/hold him/talk to him....

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" I don't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't do that. I'm a teacher and honestly, a lot of ... [snip!] ... did seem as though you were placing the full responsibility on their shoulders and as a teacher, its hard to be in their shoes."


This isn't a 3rd grade child though, it's a far different situation. I have a child who is about to be in 3rd grade. I would never ever consider the teaching in an elementary class to compare to an 11 month old day care class. They aren't the same in any way.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting 3 little monsters:" This isn't a 3rd grade child though, it's a far different situation. I have a child who is about to ... [snip!] ... consider the teaching in an elementary class to compare to an 11 month old day care class. They aren't the same in any way. "


The roles of the teacher are very much the same. I have friends that teach preschool and/or run day care facilities. Believe me when I say that our vents are quite similar.



Even though the children have different needs at different ages, it doesn't change the fact that there are MANY parents that rely on the teacher to do more than they are able to do in the time that we have the children.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
11th Mar '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" Technically speaking, though, in a situation like biting, redirection and removal from the area is a ... [snip!] ... specific day care chooses a ball pit but it isn't necessarily harmful for them to remove him from the situation for a moment."


Redirection works but you also have to discourage the initial bad behavior. Redirection alone doesn't work. You have to say "No biting, gentle hands." Show examples "See, we play nice" and then redirect "Lets play with this toy now, see how fun it is?". You don't just pick up a child that did something wrong and place them in a ball pit. That teaches nothing.