Reply
Am i alone here? BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
11th Mar '13

This might get a bit long and confusing but bear with me please.



When I was in the 8th grade, my boyfriend at the time, tried to rape me. He pinned me down by wrists and was trying to get my skirt up. I thank God he did not succeed, and I know others have been through worse, but it messed me up mentally for a few years. I couldn't have my wrists grabbed without flashbacks, and other intimacy issues. It wasn't until at least 2 years dating DH that i felt i could relax with him and fully trust him. There was still this issue of sex.



Every time we had sex, from the time we 1st did, till we got married, i always felt nauseated. Whether it was getting started, in the middle of it, or after, it always happened. Once I became comfortable trusting him, I couldn't understand why I still would feel sick. So the other night, after having sex I realized that i didn't have that feeling, and hadn't since we got married. Could it have been "guilt gut" from having it drilled into my head to wait until marriage or subconsciously my past? At times I couldn't help but feel dirty or wrong. Have any of you dealt with either issue?

Christan_89 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8043 posts
12th Mar '13

I became sexually active at a very young age, pressured by a boy much older than me. After that, I was taken advantage of a lot and date-raped once. I said no, tried to leave the room and as I was opening the door, he slammed it on my hand and broke my finger and carried me back to his bed. At that point, I was too drunk and in too much pain to put up any more fight. Sex after those instances made me EXTREMELY nauseated and was physically unable to orgasm.. Was it "guit gut"? No. I think it was mild PTSD. It wasn't until a few years after I was married that I called out my rape for what it was that I was able to move on and heal and learn to trust men (IE: my husband) again. You're not alone.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
12th Mar '13

More than likely it is just from your past. Probably a form of PTSD. You have the memory in the back of your mind of this trauma and instead of curling up in the fetal position and crying your body is responding to your mind in a different way. Marriage probably helped you feel more secure and that it was ok.



I would look into getting some therapy just to deal with the trauma so it doesn't start to show itself in other forms.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
12th Mar '13
Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:" I became sexually active at a very young age, pressured by a boy much older than me. After that, I was ... [snip!] ... my rape for what it was that I was able to move on and heal and learn to trust men (IE: my husband) again. You're not alone."

that's good to know. sorry it happened to you though. so does that seem like my problem, i was just denying it though? That sounded a lot like what happened to me except the finger and the drinking. the most messed up part to me, was we had just come from church...:cry:

Nikkie Beee Due January 29; 2 kids; Victorville, California 3968 posts
12th Mar '13

I'm sorry I can't relate. But, I do wanna say I'm sorry you went through that :(
*hugs*

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
12th Mar '13
Quoting White Chocolate Milk:" More than likely it is just from your past. Probably a form of PTSD. You have the memory in the back ... [snip!] ... ok. I would look into getting some therapy just to deal with the trauma so it doesn't start to show itself in other forms."

I don't know that it caused it, but paired with other things that happened around that time frame, i became seriously depressed and became a cutter... i never thought about them being connected...

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
12th Mar '13
Quoting Nikkie Beee:" I'm sorry I can't relate. But, I do wanna say I'm sorry you went through that :( *hugs*"

thank you.

Belle. Due with #2 Due February 14; TTC since Oct 2013; 1 child; Alberta 4469 posts
12th Mar '13

I can relate. I don't know if you would call it rape because I didn't do much to fight back, but when I was 12 a boy took my virginity after I repeatedly said no. And after that I had felt so confused and guilty. He told everyone in middle school and I became a "slut" and I was severely bullied after that. Then since I had the slut label a lot of boys would try to take advantage of me while I was drunk because they thought I would give it up. When i was 16 i was drugged and got passed around by 3 men, I was so out of it I could hardly move but I remember everything. It will forever be etched in my brain. People found out about that and figured i was just being a wh**e. I got bullied so bad i dropped out of school and attempted suicide a few times. Thankfully i ended up okay. I am in a good place now and i try to leave the past behind me. Sometimes i get flashbacks but i know i am a good person. At first i had a hard time having sex with SO because I felt like I was doing something wrong or being a "slut". But he showed me what love and trust is and I am finally happy!

Disneyxprincess Due February 5; United Kingdom 172 posts
12th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" This might get a bit long and confusing but bear with me please. When I was in the 8th grade, my boyfriend ... [snip!] ... marriage or subconsciously my past? At times I couldn't help but feel dirty or wrong. Have any of you dealt with either issue?"</blockquote>




So sorry you that happened to you, maybe now your mind has set you free.