We've been living together for about a month now.. I love it! But last night we got into our first semi big argument about 1. the cleanliness of the livingroom (after 3 toddlers had been there all day..) 2. How he doesn't like the way I grocery shop (aka, the things I buy.. aka things you can make MEALS out of, not just grab and go type food..) and 3. how he leaves the egg shells in the carton (not a huge deal, but to me its like putting trash back in the fridge..)
How do you deal with the arguments? I know they're going to happen! He's been living with his parents for 23 years.. but sometimes, though I love him dearly, I feel like the fighting shouldn't exist. My parents were big fighters.. still are.. and so any sign of confrontation I usually try to run away :/ help?
Given the fact that he's been living with his parents, he probably isn't used to being on his own. And I would venture a guess that things were probably done for him.
Just sit down with him and have a discussion about it. Calm and open.
The eggs in the carton is an easy fix. Tell him why you don't like it, and see if he'd be willing to throw them away. The grocery shopping, do it together. As for the orderliness of the house, you two will have to work together on it.
Living with someone for the first time is hard. Especially if neither of you have done it before.
"I'm right, you're wrong. And there's nothing you can do about!" :) jk.
Putting the shells in the carton and back in the fridge would annoy me.
Fighting can be healthy. It's part of every relationship. Honestly the first 6 months living with someone new is the hardest. You start noticing little things that drive you batty. The way I look at it, is if it's little maybe mention that it bothers you but don't make a mountain over a mole hill ya know? Some things aren't worth fighting over. If we get into an argument we end up walking away until we chill out and then come back to the issue. The biggest thing my DH had to get used to was me not buying junk food lol. He lived off pizza and beer before we met.
If the living room isn't up to his standards, he can always help pick it up.
For the food, i can understand some grab & go foods for work lunches or something. Could you start adding them to your grocery list?
The egg shells....yeah, that's pretty gross and I'd ask him to throw them away. How can someone be picky about the cleanliness of the living room, and put empty shells back into an egg carton? Lol
Quoting .:Lady SCARcastic:.:" We've been living together for about a month now.. I love it! But last night we got into our first semi ... [snip!] ... shouldn't exist. My parents were big fighters.. still are.. and so any sign of confrontation I usually try to run away :/ help?"
I think you have to ease into it. You can't expect everything to be perfect right away, because of course you're coming from two different worlds and you have to compromise on everything. It's hard! It's taken my husband and I about 9 months to get things running smoothly because we didn't live together before we got married. But I'm patient with him and when something bothers me, I bring it up in a non-confrontational way, more like suggestions and he's beginning to catch on to the "right" way to do things. lol He was always very uninvolved with household stuff but we've talked about it and even written down lists of responsibilities each of us handle to make it easier. For example, I hate doing laundry but he doesn't mind so he takes care of that. Not saying that would work for you but get creative and give it time. :)
You got to kind of figure out the habits you can live with and ones that are a no go. Making compromises, like buying some grab and go stuff and some meal stuff. I get you on the egg carton thing my boyfriend used to do that but it grossed me out so bad. Your going to fight sometimes, you just need to do it in a healthy way (calm, not in front of the kids ect)