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how should we deal with visitors? EK91 1 child; Fort Worth, TX, United States 696 posts
14th Mar '13

well it mainly is to do with my crazy MIL. it's her first grand baby and i'm nervous about her just dropping in right after we have the baby. i really want that time for my DH and I to bond with our new baby girl. but... i also don't want to be rude. i know if i don't say anything she would be there every day. pushing her opinions on how we should take care of her and what not. she really stresses me out basically.



we live with my parents right now cause of tough times with the economy. so i have my mom to help me when DH is at work while i heal up. my MIL is super jealous of my mom cause we live with her and she gets to see the baby every day after she's born. so idk what to do!! how often should i let my MIL come over in the first few weeks? also how soon after we bring the baby home should i let her come over to see the baby.



i just want it so we can get the hang of things without anyone getting in the way but also meeting the wants of others in the process.

The Pretender 2 kids; Brazil 1215 posts
14th Mar '13

Be proactive. Set up "visiting hours" before you bring home the baby - only as long/frequent as you are comfortable with. Let her know you won't accommodate her outside of those hours unless she schedules something special in advance. Have the SO back you up bc it's his mom, after all.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Oslo, ,, Norway 10375 posts
status 14th Mar '13
Quoting The Pretender:" Be proactive. Set up "visiting hours" before you bring home the baby - only as long/frequent as you are ... [snip!] ... outside of those hours unless she schedules something special in advance. Have the SO back you up bc it's his mom, after all."



I agree with this. Set up boundries BEFORE your LO arrives.

Good luck, OP.

onebabylove Due March 24; South Carolina 378 posts
14th Mar '13

Ugh, I know the feeling. Not so much with MIL but, family in general. I am going to have to stay with my Gma after I get out of the hospital and the hubby is coming to town for one week. (he lives on other side of country ((we are moving soon))) And all these people "have" to come see my child the weekend after he is born. Soooo at least you are not being presured and have no say at all!

drunk faith1 1 child; Alabama 10081 posts
14th Mar '13
Quoting The Pretender:" Be proactive. Set up "visiting hours" before you bring home the baby - only as long/frequent as you are ... [snip!] ... outside of those hours unless she schedules something special in advance. Have the SO back you up bc it's his mom, after all."

I think this is really important.



If you don't want her coming in the hospital, either don't tell her or let the nurses know she isn't allowed.

The Pretender 2 kids; Brazil 1215 posts
14th Mar '13

Also add that it is only fair if EVERYONE is subject to te same rules. Know what I mean? If your MIL is the only one that has to abide it isn't really fair. Unless, of course, she is the only person that really interferes with your family time in a negative way.

♥MomToSilas+1♥ Due December 9; 1 child; ., IL, United States 10866 posts
14th Mar '13

Set up boundaries before baby gets here and make sure you SO backs you up with the decision.



I didn't allow anyone to come see me at the hospital except my mom and best friend. No one even knew what hospital I delivered at until I got home.

...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
14th Mar '13

our hospital wouldnt let anyone in unless you signed a sheet that had their name on it. like a guest list. we didnt put anyone on because we didnt want anyone there. we found out a week later a friend stopped by and the hospital just told them we were sleeping and not excepting visitors at the moment and to please let us rest. even if your maternity ward doesnt have a system like that you can still tell them you dont want visitors. its not like they can just walk in. maternity wards are lock and people have to be paged in. we also feared my mom was going to pop in. after we signed the sheet and told them we didnt want visitors they said they wouldnt even bother us if someone stops by then. we were happy with that.

Zepplin's Mommy :) 1 child; Magnolia, Delaware 911 posts
14th Mar '13

Im very glad i didnt have to go threw this will my LO bio grandparents and dad. But i agree with the other posters Set up days with certain hours that are OK with your schedual for Visitations. i would though make sure she knows the first few days you dont want any so you are able to get in to a routine and figure out how that is going to be.

...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
14th Mar '13

oh wait... are you talking about at home? just tell her you need rest and that you will call her when your ready for visitors.

Liz Overstreet 33 kids; Lynchburg, Virginia 61 posts
14th Mar '13
Quoting EK91:" well it mainly is to do with my crazy MIL. it's her first grand baby and i'm nervous about her just dropping ... [snip!] ... want it so we can get the hang of things without anyone getting in the way but also meeting the wants of others in the process."

i delt wiith the same thing first grand child and the first baby girl after 3 generations of boys my MIL went crazy for my daughter it was very over whelming i was so weak after having my little rose she was 9lb 1oz i gave birth vaginally because they said she would be 7 or 8 pounds boy were they wrong anyways i ripped and himeriged i was in labor for 18 hours and i was so tired after i didnt really want anyone around but i let everyone come and see her anyways not the best idea everyday more people came my hubby had to tell people to stop coming its so hard those first couple weeks its better to at least give yourself a little time to breath especially if your gonna breast feed cuz some people dont get the hint to leave the room or wait so you can cover up

*KatteyBug* Due November 18 (boy); 1 child; Madison, AL, United States 2143 posts
status 14th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Pretender:</b>" Be proactive. Set up "visiting hours" before you bring home the baby - only as long/frequent as you are ... [snip!] ... outside of those hours unless she schedules something special in advance. Have the SO back you up bc it's his mom, after all."</blockquote>




This! Get everything situated before baby gets here.

TrixieGirl Due July 4; 1 child; Maryland 1175 posts
14th Mar '13

Another thing that might help is to think of some special things that your MIL can help with when she visits. It sounds like maybe she might be a little jealous of your mother since she gets to have unlimited access to you and the new baby, so maybe there are some special things she can do during her visits to make sure her role feels just as important and that he is being helpful to you and baby as well.

EK91 1 child; Fort Worth, TX, United States 696 posts
14th Mar '13
Quoting Krystie321:" oh wait... are you talking about at home? just tell her you need rest and that you will call her when your ready for visitors."


yes i was talking about home

EK91 1 child; Fort Worth, TX, United States 696 posts
14th Mar '13

thank you ladies for all the advice! i'll talk to my DH about it. she is pretty.... hard headed.... but he can handle her better than me.