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user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
15th Mar '13

And what Red Bottom is saying is truly the best advice you can get. Don't read into as judgement. Find a way to fix your situation by assessing the changes you can make.

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" You need to look inside yourself and start figuring out WHY you keep getting into these situations. ... [snip!] ... son down with you. So feeling judged or not, you need to start asking yourself WHY you keep getting into these situations. "</blockquote>




Not asking to be a b***h, but do you know a lot about addicts/addition? Addicts do something called "keeping the peace" which is where they will do anything, say anything, act any certain way in order to continue to nurture their addiction. Which means they find a role that works, play it until it doesn't work, and find a new role to play. It's extremely common for people to devote years of their lives to people without ever knowing they have a problem until they end up in jail or worse. So, while I agree with MOST everything you've said, it's not the OP's fault she got involved with addicts and it's very likely she had no idea. It will be her fault if she chooses to stay with them, though, but I don't think that's what she's planning on doing.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15210 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" You need to look inside yourself and start ... [snip!] ... no idea. It will be her fault if she chooses to stay with them, though, but I don't think that's what she's planning on doing."


There's something she can do, and there's actions that she's no at fault for.



But regardless of which is which, she needs to address what she can do to make sure this doesn't happen again.



She admits she has daddy issues. Could this be why she has stayed with people when she shouldn't have? Could this be while she jumps in so quickly?



Does she fall in love with the highest potential of a person instead of who they realistically are?



You have to be incredibly self aware when things like this happen.

Chelsea Marie Cate Due April 25; Cisco, Texas 250 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:</b>" Drop the drunk. And focus on you and your baby. Things will come together. And it sounds like you need to take a dating break."</blockquote>




Amen ! No idiot like that is worth being with , being a single parent is hard but guess what I'm sure your a strong independent woman , you can do this ! I'll pray for you :)

Sam Lamb Due June 19; Hutto, Texas 35 posts
15th Mar '13

It wasn't a rebound.. in the beginning. I needed a place to stay while i was finding a new place to live once i moved back to Texas (away from B) D, said he'd take me in for a while, he helped me find a place to live, get a job, and helped me pay some bills while i was in my transition stage. He was always in the friendzone for me until recently.. We've only been dating for a weeks and he's stil my bff but i've noticed he's been quite flakey and almost always has a beer in his hand, i dont let him drive anywhere we go. So he isnt really putting me or baby in danger, hes done much more than B has in the last two weeks then in the last 25. He says he wants this he wants the responsibility but he hasnt shown it. I did find out recently that B is moving back to TX and is clean off heroin and is trying to get ahold of me. Scared to open that can of worns also...

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sam Lamb:</b>" It wasn't a rebound.. in the beginning. I needed a place to stay while i was finding a new place to live ... [snip!] ... that B is moving back to TX and is clean off heroin and is trying to get ahold of me. Scared to open that can of worns also..."</blockquote>




Don't even go there with B until he's been clean for at least a year.



ETA: The reason being that not only will you put yourself and baby at risk, but you will SEVERELY lessen his likelihood of recovery.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15210 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Sam Lamb:" It wasn't a rebound.. in the beginning. I needed a place to stay while i was finding a new place to live ... [snip!] ... that B is moving back to TX and is clean off heroin and is trying to get ahold of me. Scared to open that can of worns also..."


And here you are rationalizing his behavior now.



You're addicted to affection.



In the OP he was a raging alcoholic, now he's your BFF but always has a beer in his hand, and it's okay because he's better than the first guy.



Do you want your son to grow up to be like this guy?

Sam Lamb Due June 19; Hutto, Texas 35 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sam Lamb:</b>" It wasn't a rebound.. in the beginning. I needed ... [snip!] ... The reason being that not only will you put yourself and baby at risk, but you will SEVERELY lessen his likelihood of recovery."


Thats what i am thinking, but doesnt he have rights? How would you go about with that. If he's clean he deserves to see his son right? Relationship aside, what about for my son??

£exaholic 2 kids; Colorado 20865 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Sam Lamb:" It wasn't a rebound.. in the beginning. I needed a place to stay while i was finding a new place to live ... [snip!] ... that B is moving back to TX and is clean off heroin and is trying to get ahold of me. Scared to open that can of worns also..."


Dump his ass & move the f**k on, seriously life is too short for that shit. Find a good man, they exist.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15210 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Sam Lamb:" Thats what i am thinking, but doesnt he have rights? How would you go about with that. If he's clean he deserves to see his son right? Relationship aside, what about for my son??"


Wen your child is born, file for sole custody. Your baby daddy doesn't deserve anything until he's clean and can prove it to the courts. The last the your son needs in his life is a drug addict.

Sam Lamb Due June 19; Hutto, Texas 35 posts
15th Mar '13

He has already had to prove it to the courts to be granted permission to movve to TX

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sam Lamb:</b>" Thats what i am thinking, but doesnt he have rights? How would you go about with that. If he's clean he deserves to see his son right? Relationship aside, what about for my son??"</blockquote>




You need to file for sole custody and may e grant him visitation until he can prove to the courts that he's been clean for at least a year. It shouldn't be difficult considering that he's been in jail and has a record of heroin abuse. I know there are emotions there that make it feel harsh, but I've been round and round with a heroin addict myself, and it's the hardest addiction to recover from. There is very little a heroin addict WON'T do when he is jonsing and it doesn't take much stress to send them back out for more.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15210 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Sam Lamb:" He has already had to prove it to the courts to be granted permission to movve to TX"


You mean like how he proved to you he wasn't an addict for over a year?



Why are you so eager to jump back into trusting people who have given you every reason not to? You need to protect your child.

Sam Lamb Due June 19; Hutto, Texas 35 posts
15th Mar '13

He got it completely wiped from his record, like went looking for it, no history of the arrest... nothing. makes me nervous?

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15210 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting Sam Lamb:" He got it completely wiped from his record, like went looking for it, no history of the arrest... nothing. makes me nervous?"


You're nervous about him, but you're willing to let him take care of your child?