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Slept With Girl While We Were on Break jess & angel baby 16 kids; Wisconsin 1197 posts
15th Mar '13

So, I haven't been on here in awhile, but I need some advice! About a month and a half ago (Feb 2), my fiancee broke up with me, claiming many different reasons for doing it. He said we needed a break and that we could still "date". Our daughter was born sleeping 9 months ago, which also played into his decision (he said I need to get over grieving and let her go/that me being sad about her on occasion was bringing his happiness down). That our sex wasn't the same since she died even though we were still having sex once or twice a week. We've been through a lot in our relationship.



Anyway, I decided to go to my parents the day he said "we could date" which I was against in the first place and said no to. He wanted me to stay at our house even though we were technically broken up until summer and than go to my parents house until I could figure out a more permanent solution for myself. It was confusing to me because he wanted me to stay (would still call me babe, want to sleep in the same bed, kiss me, show affection, and have sex) BUT he didn't want to "be in a relationship" with me. Yet, he maintained that he still loved me and we just needed time apart once the summer hit, but we were broken up still if I stayed living at our house.



Anyway, so I went to my parents house that weekend against his wishes and he got upset about it. We were broken up and I was hurting so I couldn't imagine being able to stay there with him. When I was over at my parents pretty much crying all weekend and talking to my mom about the situation he went out and slept with another girl after they got coffee together. He says it just happened and he didn't plan it. But, if he found a girl to sleep with the day after we broke up I'm not naive enough to believe he hadn't been talking to her before breaking up with me. He was also asking other girls to send him pictures over the internet 3 weeeks before breaking up with me.



Anyway, a lot has happened in between all that and I stayed at my parents. He decided he needed me and that we are a family so he asked me to come back saying he wouldn't talk to that girl and he had to tell her goodbye forever. He said that he loved me and that I'm good for him. etc. etc. So though I wasn't totally sure I wanted to go back and forgive him I decided to try (for my stepson's sake) to go back and try to work through all our issues and the fact that he broke my heart and slept with another girl.



I do still love him, and I wanted to try to work it out with him. He says he isn't guilty about sleeping with this girl, we were broken up so he doesn't feel bad. I told him it still hurts just as much because I love him and he says he does love me. Anyway, I am not comfortable with the girl he slept with talking to him because he wanted to be more than just friends with him and sent him a bunch of text until 3 am the day I moved back i then came to our house. Before I moved back in that day he invited her over to hang out but then ended up telling her to leave because he wanted me back and he loved me.



He still talks to this girl through text and on Facebook and I asked him to unfriend her and not communicate with her if he wants to be in a relationship with me and work through our issues. I said I can't trust him all the way right now and out of respect for me he needs to stop talking to her because it makes me feel belittled and like he still wants to be in a relationship with her and not me. Plus she tried to come between me and him so he needed to stop leading her on and fully commit to me. He promised me two weeks ago that he would stop talking to her and he was texting her today when we were waiting for an appointment. I saw her name pop up on his phone because I was behind him and he responded. When we said he would not talk to her if it would make me feel better.



My question is, what would you do? What do you think? I am back at my mom's house right now.



This girl is bad news. My SO said she does drugs and I don't want that type of girl around my stepson (who is pretty much like my child anyway). He says that he doesn't want to delete her off of anything because we were on break so I need to stop trying to control him and telling him what to do. He says that we need to basically not talk and communicate about all our issues since he broke up with me because we aren't moving forward if we talk about the bad things. So I don't know what to do. I just know I'm really hurt and angry.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
15th Mar '13

Fuck all that.
He sounds like an asshole.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
15th Mar '13

I don't think I could ever get over or forgive my partner for telling me that I had to "get over" my daughter's death because it was wearing on his happiness.



Everything else is miniscule compared to that.

Nikkie Beee Due January 29; 2 kids; Victorville, California 3968 posts
15th Mar '13

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Were I you, I say ta hell with him and move on. You have enough to deal with, you don't need his shit on top of it.

Mrs. Brightside 2 kids; Lichtensteig, Switzerland 11733 posts
15th Mar '13

He sounds like a selfish jerk. I would just leave him for good

✿LilyBear09✿ 1 child; Oregon 5006 posts
15th Mar '13

I would cut my losses and stay away. It doesn't sound like a good situation.

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 69545 posts
status 15th Mar '13

Time to walk away. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

✿LilyBear09✿ 1 child; Oregon 5006 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting SAFFY

Chef Sarah ♥ Due May 11; 1 child; Hollywood, FL, United States 10428 posts
15th Mar '13
Quoting SAFFY
Ladee+Grant+Lilly 2 kids; Tallahassee, FL, United States 20831 posts
15th Mar '13

You might have been on a break when it happened, technically, but you're not on a break now. The fact that he is not willing to cut ties with her completely says that he doesn't care about your feelings. That would be walking papers just for that. But telling me to basically get over my child's death because it's bringing him down? Dick move dude, and you'd be gone. Period.

user banned Due November 26; 1 child; Parkersburg, West Virginia 9548 posts
15th Mar '13

yeah id leave him he broke up with you to bang other women. which is still cheating imo

Mari-C 18 kids; Nebraska 3695 posts
15th Mar '13

I would have been done with hm yesterday...You deserve so much better. I cannot believe he would tell you it was 'time' to get over your loss. Who's he to say how long you can grieve for. I'm sorry for your loss. Best wishes :)

The Pretender 2 kids; Brazil 1232 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting jess & angel baby:</b>" So, I haven't been on here in awhile, but I need some advice! About a month and a half ago (Feb 2), my ... [snip!] ... we aren't moving forward if we talk about the bad things. So I don't know what to do. I just know I'm really hurt and angry. "</blockquote>




It really sucks that you had a miscarriage with this Douche but one good thing is that you can leave his ass and not have to deal with him at all forever... Leaaaaaavvvve him before you're tied to him with a couple of biological kids

A&J. ♥ 1 child; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 5613 posts
15th Mar '13

This is one of my favorite quotes



"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings."



I have to remind myself of this daily when I miss my ex.




You deserve better honey, don't believe for one second that you don't. If you guys are going to be together and make things work, he needs to respect you and your wishes and not talk to this girl he slept with. He's making excuses trying to justify his actions.

Alexandra the gay 2 kids; 2 angel babies; El Paso, Texas 6702 posts
15th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mayhem.:</b>" Fuck all that. He sounds like an asshole."</blockquote>




Yeah I'd shit on everything he owns.