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Sofie+#2 Due March 18; 1 child; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7787 posts
16th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting xTJ:</b>" It's after 11am now and you still haven't heard from him? :? Is there not a main phone line at his work you can call at this time? I'd be really worried if DH done that :?"</blockquote>




I FINALLY got hold of him on the main phone at 11. He got really drunk after work so couldn't drive home, his phone died and he knows he should have found a way of getting in touch.
He also said that being away from me made him realise his much he loves me and he wants us to work things out, maybe through counselling.



Sooo.. I'm still pissed but I just want us to be happy.

andthesenights 1 child; Virginia 4358 posts
16th Mar '13

I think counseling would be beneficial for you both. DH and I both tried to work through his previous issues without it and he only ended up repeating them. I think sometimes there are just things we need an outside person to help us work through.

Sofie+#2 Due March 18; 1 child; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7787 posts
16th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" I think counseling would be beneficial for you both. DH and I both tried to work through his previous ... [snip!] ... and he only ended up repeating them. I think sometimes there are just things we need an outside person to help us work through."</blockquote>




Have you been to any of his sessions yet? I'm scared that it could either make things amazing and we could be so strong, or it would just air out all the bad and we'd finish.

andthesenights 1 child; Virginia 4358 posts
16th Mar '13
Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" I think counseling would be beneficial ... [snip!] ... that it could either make things amazing and we could be so strong, or it would just air out all the bad and we'd finish."


I went this past Monday. It was only an hour so obviously we didn't get through a lot but it was nice to be able to talk to someone who can 'interrupt' my feelings and his in ways we can both understand. Like how I used to be so controlling likely stemmed from feeling insecure. How true, I never thought of it like that.



I think it might get worse as bad things come out but you work through that to get to a place where both of you are happy and no one is putting their happiness on hold to make the other happy.

Sofie+#2 Due March 18; 1 child; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7787 posts
16th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" I went this past Monday. It was only an hour so obviously we didn't get through a lot but it was nice ... [snip!] ... that to get to a place where both of you are happy and no one is putting their happiness on hold to make the other happy."</blockquote>




I know, I know hehe. I definitely think I control because I'm insecure, which leads Sam to 'rebel'.
I don't know if we can afford it, most sessions cost half of sam's weekly paycheck :(

andthesenights 1 child; Virginia 4358 posts
16th Mar '13

Do you have student therapists? Ones still in school but need real life experience? Or through a church?

Sofie+#2 Due March 18; 1 child; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7787 posts
16th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" Do you have student therapists? Ones still in school but need real life experience? Or through a church?"</blockquote>



I don't think I'd want to do it through church, and there is a charity that does it and they're supposed to be reasonable but when you click through to the counsellors they charge $75 for an hour ish session :(

andthesenights 1 child; Virginia 4358 posts
16th Mar '13
Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" Do you have student therapists? Ones still ... [snip!] ... and they're supposed to be reasonable but when you click through to the counsellors they charge $75 for an hour ish session :("


I understand about the church thing. DH's is through a church technically but he doesn't mention religion thankfully. I told him ahead of time that if he's all religious then he could find someone else but it hasn't been an issue so far.



That is expensive. :/ We pay our co-pay of $35 but the first three sessions finally just got billed through insurance and we'll owe another $105. It's adding up.

Sofie+#2 Due March 18; 1 child; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7787 posts
16th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" I understand about the church thing. DH's is through a church technically but he doesn't mention religion ... [snip!] ... of $35 but the first three sessions finally just got billed through insurance and we'll owe another $105. It's adding up. "</blockquote>




It really is :(
Yeah, I just wouldn't want some holier than thou 'you are not only in a relationship with each other but god as well' type lmao.
I will keep looking, I only did a quick google this morning.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
16th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting andthesenights:</b>" I understand about the church thing. DH's ... [snip!] ... only in a relationship with each other but god as well' type lmao. I will keep looking, I only did a quick google this morning."</blockquote>



Not all pastors are like that. And not all churches either. We did pre marriage counseling and it was completely focused on our goals, our feelings, our expectations, kids, etc. nothing about The Lord, although we are Christians and did go to a Christian church. <I was not a strong Christian, DH was def. more in the ways of his relationship with Christ, but I wasn't judged or talked down because of it> So it might be a good option if you are up for it. Also, if you explain your financial situation, the status of your relationship a pastor might be able to offer a lower fee because most want you to have a strong marriage and a healthy relationship.

Lara +2 2 kids; Wasilla, Alaska 7725 posts
16th Mar '13

I would highly recommend a therapist. Dh hit a really rough spot and it made a world of difference and we are sooo much better now