So I am mentally stressed to the max right now, and I don't know if I can handle all of this stuff that's about to happen.
I start my new job (fucking finally!!!) on the 19th. I have yet to leave the baby (she will turn 8 months old on my first day) and I also have issues leaving my 4 year old..
Speaking of which, my 4 year old is about to be 5 in just a few weeks, and I am trying to plan her party with no money and I feel like a crap parent since I can't get her a present until somehow I fall on the right side of the paycheck timeline and manage to squeeze out a tiny check before the party.
Mind you, I have no money so I have no idea how I am going to get to work. Walking isn't an option and because of some crap I went through in the past (ages ago now, but none the less) no one believes that I am actually going to go work, and is refusing to lend me any bus or gas money until I get paid.
On top of all of that, my 4 year old also starts pre school in three days, and is still worried about people judging her because she wears glasses. (Not sure where she gets that from as I wear glasses all the time, but she says she doesn't want things t be different and glasses make her different.)
I also have no way to afford her school supplies..
To add on top of it all, I went to jail a few days ago because of an altercation with my dad that turned physical, and I am stressing about going to court and being sent back to jail.
I can't apply to get into housing until I get a check and still living here with my dad is just making things worse, not to mention my mom and I haven't gotten along in years and she makes it a point to make things worse everyday, calling me names and egging me on to try and get me to flip my lid again..
Really hard to keep my mouth shut when she tells me all I am good for is spreading my legs and popping out kids I don't love or care for. (Which is bullshit, but that's beside the point.)
To add to to this all, after I got out of jail I went and had an appointment at the mental health clinic, and they will be putting me on medication. I obviously have some anger problems, I'm OCD and bipolar and I think I also have post partum depression on top of it all. I am worried the meds won't work or will make it worse. I also have school ontop of all this and I feel like I am at a breaking point.
I just don't know if I can do this all, but I know if I can find a way I will come out stronger on the other side. I am worried i am going to drop the ball and fuck up something, and I need to finish school, I need to work, and most importantly my daughter needs me to be strong to get her through her first days of school.
What the hell can I do to make this a little bit better?
Things need to start looking up for you already. I'm sorry lovely! :(
Its always one thing after another with you.
Quoting i made a vagina.:" Things need to start looking up for you already. I'm sorry lovely! :( Its always one thing after another with you. *hugs*"
It \really is! That's why I am super worried about screwing it all up!
Plus. if everything goes well.. I am worried that because everything went okay, that when I go back to court on the 25th of next month they will find a way to make me go back to jail. =/
<blockquote><b>Quoting ^-^ Rawr + 2:</b>" It \really is! That's why I am super worried about screwing it all up! Plus. if everything goes well.. ... [snip!] ... okay, that when I go back to court on the 25th of next month they will find a way to make me go back to jail. =/ Just sucky!"</blockquote>
Just try to stay positive. :(