Say you have been with your SO for over five years and have a child together. You stopped working to go back to school, and he works full time. You do not have a shared bank account so you must ask him for money whenever you need anything.
A few weeks ago after a long discussion, he FINALLY agrees to give you some money every time he gets paid to do with as you please. (shampoo, deodorent, clothes for your kid, etc. Not party money) So, he gets paid. You still get nothing and have to ask. Maybe he forgot or something. Two weeks go by and you get nothing again. After a week (he gets paid every two weeks), you bring it up to him. He says, "Yeah, but I had to pay daycare, give your mom money (keep in mind we live with her and he pays her NOTHING FOR RENT or utilities. I made him give her $200 for oil), and that one bill." Okay? You said you would do something and you didn't. Why am I not a priority when I'm using it for our household and kid? Why is it okay for him to make up excuses? Am I wrong for being upset by that? So, this happened this morning and after I showed I was upset he threw $50 on the dresser and went to work. I dont' want that. I want a commitment that he thinks what I do is important and that he's not controlling me with money.
Is there a reason you don't have access to the bank account?
Idk, that'd drive me nuts.
I would just try to sit down with him and have a conversation. I don't work but DH got another card for his bank account so I wouldn't ever be with out money.
If yall have all that money to blow then why are you two still living with your mom?
Quoting Mayhem.:" Is there a reason you don't have access to the bank account? Idk, that'd drive me nuts."
He's been burned in the past by women he trusted his money with. I assume that's why. However, I have never taken anything from him. He used to even give me a hard time about sharing his tax return (the child credit part) with me. Even this year, I got maybe $200 of it...
It's just, whenever I inquire about it he makes me seem like I'm wrong for even asking.
I would be really pissed, there's no reason for one person to control their partner, even if it is just financially.
I couldn't do it. I am a grown woman taking care of OUR kids, OUR house, OUR lives, not just mine...it's both DH's AND mine.
Having to ask for money for things that are necessities?! GTFO with that nonsense.
I couldn't do it.
Is there a reason why you cant have a joint account?
I dont think I'd feel comfortable in that situation I mean what if your child needs something and you have to wait for him to give you money?
I dont think you're wrong for being upset either.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" He's been burned in the past by women he trusted his money with. I assume that's why. However, I have ... [snip!] ... this year, I got maybe $200 of it... It's just, whenever I inquire about it he makes me seem like I'm wrong for even asking."</blockquote>
Okay no fuck that. It's both of y'all's kid that doesn't entitle him to ALL the money all the time just bc he works outside the home. What does he think taking care of a kid isn't work? It's supposed to be a partnership not a dictatorship
Quoting ⚓ Sarah ⚓:" Is there a reason why you cant have a joint account? I dont think I'd feel comfortable in that situation ... [snip!] ... your child needs something and you have to wait for him to give you money? I dont think you're wrong for being upset either. "
If I need something that I don't tell him about beforehand, I have to call/text him while he's at work and ask if he has it. Then I have to drive there, wait for him to come out, and THEN I can go get whatever after I've gotten the money from him.
That's why we have separate accounts.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" What money? I mentioned $200 for her and $50 that he threw at me. I'm a full time student and because ... [snip!] ... we can save for a deposit. For some reason, we never have money. We should, and every time I mention that he gets defensive."</blockquote>
So you can't even see where the money is all going??
I would probably be annoyed. When my SO and I get married I expect us to have a joint bank account. I would be pretty pissed if he promised me he would do something, then didn't do it.
I would never go without my own income, I dont need or want someone elses, even SOs