Reply
religion (oh no!) THE Draco Malfoy 2 kids; Tennessee 20772 posts
status 17th Mar '13

Here's the scenario. I was raised southern Baptist, DH Episcopalian. Neither of us attend church. we have our beliefs (i don't agree with a lot of what i was raised with, but that's not the issue) and we practice in our own ways.



Well, my family keeps asking me "Have you gotten that baby in church yet?" "Have you been taking her to church" and "you need to be going to church, all 3 of you". She's only almost 10 months FFS! she isn't going to understand any of it right now, and no way in hell she'd sit still for that.



That being said, my parents don't even go, and they're one of the main ones going on about it. I told them that if they wanted to take her, they're more than welcome to, of course they don't (though most Sundays they have her).



My mom even got DD a bunny that sings part of "Jesus Loves Me". (i think it's cute but DH didn't seem too thrilled over it). they gave it to her when she was with them and is now ATTACHED to it.



this seems to have turned into a bit of a vent, but i do have questions.



1. when do you think exploring religion becomes "important".
2. with your family dynamics (with your religion and your kid(s) and their age), would these things bother you?
3. do you think it's fine for other family members to take a child to somewhere like church? or should it be the parents' responsibility?




JoAnna &hearts's Jett Due January 20 (boy); 1 child; Midlothian, TX, United States 6511 posts
17th Mar '13

Well my husband wasn't raised in a religious household. I was. He's since became a Christian. With that being said my mom was very pushy in the beginning, telling me I had to take my son to church and get him presented to the church. That would make me mad. My son is 4 now though and attends a babtist school. He really enjoys it. I wouldn't mind if my parents took him to church but I don't want them being pushy. They're a different denomination than I am and they're very strict. I am not.

Mommeee™ 2 kids; Beverly Hills, CA, United States 5268 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting Draco'sStalker:" Here's the scenario. I was raised southern Baptist, DH Episcopalian. Neither of us attend church. we ... [snip!] ... it's fine for other family members to take a child to somewhere like church? or should it be the parents' responsibility? "


I attend church every week.



I am Christian my husband is more apathetic towards religion. I attend a non-denominational church, that has child care for all ages provided. My faith has always been important to me, and my children attend church with me as well (of course in their kids area). My kids LOVE it. I have a 4 and 2 year old and they just love playing with other kids, snack time, and fun activities they get to do. It wouldn't bother me if my parents wanted to take my children to church with them. I think as long as both parents are okay with everything...I don't see why not.

[Gryffinwhore♥] 3 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 33937 posts
17th Mar '13

Religion doesn't play a part in my life at all, so it's not important to me to introduce it to my kids ever. When they get older they'll have a choice, obviously, but I'm not taking my kids to church until then.



It would piss me off if anyone interfered with my kids that way or tried to push their shit on my kids. My ex's cousin hounded us about baptizing Violet. She tried to argue with me that just because I didn't believe, didn't mean I shouldn't do it. You know, so that Violet could be "saved" and basically so that they could have the party. :roll:



I told her to fuck off. My kids, my choice. Not only that, but it's pretty shitty to baptize a kid when you yourself have NO religious beliefs. Kind of a slap in the face to people that do, IMO.

Autumn Whisper 1 child; Utah 9977 posts
17th Mar '13

1. When they are old enough to choose for themselves, and not before.



2. I would not be at all okay with other family members trying to force their religious beliefs on him.



3. Responsibility lies with the parents.

Ravey Candyass 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Boston, Massachusetts 104950 posts
17th Mar '13

I was raised catholic, (strict, my Nana is first generation from Italy) and my husband Mormon. I'm now atheist, and he is agnostic.



My family was very adamant about baptism at first. I calmly kept telling them that we were letting the children decide, and we were forcing anything.



My Nana has gotten them religious books, I don't mind and she has taken my oldest to church a handful of times.

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 6192 posts
17th Mar '13

DH and I do have a "religion". To tell you the truth.. I hate that word. The closest description of what we are is Messianic Jews... Which means we follow Jewish law, including not eating pork and other unclean animals, we rest on the shabbat, celebrate all the Jewish holidays... yada yada yada but we believe in yeshua... who you call Jesus. However, I am NOT the type to put my religion in someones face! Your parents sound like hypocrites... but on to answer your questions.
1. I believe that children learn from the time they are born by watching what their parents, friends, and family do/believe. I also believe that ALL children should be able to study and learn about any religion they want. My mom let me read books and research whatever I wanted about any religion... Then one day, they can make their own decision based on using their knowledge.
2. It would bother me if my family was asking about this stuff. I believe that we are given our own children to raise our own way. Its not your families job to tell you how to raise them or when you and them should go to church. My parents are the same religion as I am so we dont have differing thoughts on it but my parents dont put their noses where they dont belong...
3.and yes, I think it is okay to let someone else take your kid to church AS LONG AS you agree to the church.

TheNuge 1 child; Pennsylvania 23132 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting Draco'sStalker:" Here's the scenario. I was raised southern Baptist, DH Episcopalian. Neither of us attend church. we ... [snip!] ... it's fine for other family members to take a child to somewhere like church? or should it be the parents' responsibility? "


Good questions. I'm christian and my husband is jewsih and we havent decided what to do with the child.
She turned 4 a few months ago and it's only now becomming an issue b/c of friends and more awareness of her community. Honestly, you wont need to give it much real thought until them as they just arent aware of much outside of themselves.

any family pressure about something would be irritating but i'd understand the position of concerne that it's coming from.
personally, I LOVE the sense of community and fellowship that is unique to houses of worship. and, there are some life lessons that very easily explained and supported via religion. I know a few of the more popular Bible stories and they are excellent lessons for people of any faith or non-faith.

As far as responsibility for exposure thru others, I think it's fine if you trust the source. Our LO eats dinner with the neighbors and they say grace. I LOVE it.

Over the past few weeks I've been thinking that my husband and i need a real plan of action. I think it's important to have faith in something GREAT outside of yourself.

THE Draco Malfoy 2 kids; Tennessee 20772 posts
status 17th Mar '13
Quoting [Gryffinwhore♥]:" Religion doesn't play a part in my life at all, so it's not important to me to introduce it to my kids ... [snip!] ... pretty shitty to baptize a kid when you yourself have NO religious beliefs. Kind of a slap in the face to people that do, IMO. "

this is kind of how i believe. i'm not gonna go to church just to parade my kid around and pretend to be this perfect parent.



i also see a bit of a problem with us being different denominations. (not that they're VERY different though)

Jillian Lindsey 2 kids; Mosheim, Tennessee 2354 posts
17th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Draco'sStalker:</b>" Here's the scenario. I was raised southern Baptist, DH Episcopalian. Neither of us attend church. we ... [snip!] ... it's fine for other family members to take a child to somewhere like church? or should it be the parents' responsibility? "</blockquote>




DD is 9m and DS just turned two they both sit in the service and behave



i believe its the parents responsinility to take them if they want their children in church and i think as early as possible SO doesnt believe in God but our kids are in church every sunday i want to expose them they may later chose to go to a dif church have a dif religion or none at all but i feel like i need to give them the choice

[Gryffinwhore♥] 3 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 33937 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting Draco'sStalker:" this is kind of how i believe. i'm not gonna go to church just to parade my kid around and pretend to ... [snip!] ... perfect parent. i also see a bit of a problem with us being different denominations. (not that they're VERY different though)"


Even if they're not, you're still the parent. It's up to you. :) It makes total sense that you want your child to believe what you believe and practice the way you practice, at least for the time being. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying no. They might not like it, but oh well.

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
17th Mar '13

We are atheist/agnostic and my mother is extremely religious. She is a member of the Catholic Church and is actually a Eucharistic minister at her church and runs her church's teenLife group (which is a group of teenagers that participate in the pro-life movement, which in my opinion is just disgusting). We disagree on every thing having to do with religion and no she is not allowed to discuss religion with my children. They are not allowed to go to church with her. She is not allowed to give them religious gifts. We, as their parents, do not believe in the Catholic Church (or any organized religion for that matter) and that is what my children will learn. I wont confuse them by allowing my mother to teach Catholicism to them and try to get them to believe.
They know about the bible, they know about Jesus and what religious people believe he was, they are informed about many religions actually, but also know that we as a family don't believe or practice them. We have discussed this stuff since the beginning. There was never an age when we had to decide it was apporpriate to discuss, it's just another part of parenting.

THE Draco Malfoy 2 kids; Tennessee 20772 posts
status 17th Mar '13
Quoting TheNuge:" Good questions. I'm christian and my husband is jewsih and we havent decided what to do with the child. ... [snip!] ... that my husband and i need a real plan of action. I think it's important to have faith in something GREAT outside of yourself."

We do have a faith. We just don't do a lot with it (i know that sounds bad). I believe in God, pray, and worship in other ways. I just don't believe EVERYTHING written in the Bible and that's a HUGE issue for my parents/family. i have thought about working on it, to bring some more religion into our household (saying grace and such), but i don't feel it needs to be shoved down DD's throat ever but esp till she's older. i'd love for her to explore different religions. growing up, i was basically not allowed. you were Christian and thought that way. (other religions were "wrong" in a way).

THE Draco Malfoy 2 kids; Tennessee 20772 posts
status 17th Mar '13
Quoting Jillian Lindsey:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Draco'sStalker:</b>" Here's the scenario. I was raised southern ... [snip!] ... they may later chose to go to a dif church have a dif religion or none at all but i feel like i need to give them the choice"

DD does not sit still for ANYTHING so i don't think it would go well. (that is NOT why i don't take her though). plus, she has started saying something that sounds A LOT like "shit" so right now is not a good time IMO.

TheNuge 1 child; Pennsylvania 23132 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting Draco'sStalker:" We do have a faith. We just don't do a lot with it (i know that sounds bad). I believe in God, pray, ... [snip!] ... growing up, i was basically not allowed. you were Christian and thought that way. (other religions were "wrong" in a way)."


well, you've got time.
and, i'd never advocate shoving anything down anyones throat at any time. it usually results in atheism or close to it.
Maybe you will find a house of worship that you really like that meets you needs when and if the time comes. I really miss my old non-denominational church. the temples ive been to around here dont thrill me. i dont know what to do!