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17th Mar '13

My GF and I wanted to have a baby. She even had to have her Moreno (sp?) taken out. We did it. We conceived on 12/23 or there abouts. Then starting on the 1st of Jan I could tell she started to get annoyed at things. Little at first and I wasn't smart enough to pick up on it. Then on Jan 18th we had a fight about straw bales and her straw bale garden. We were on the phone and she kept saying I didn't know as much about business as I think I do (I own my own business) and I let it go. Then we started talking about straw bale gardening - she lives in the desert so for x-mas I built her a garden out strawbales. She said I didn't know as much as I think I did and I snapped at her and said you're right, I don't care about them I need to go get work so I don't say something stupid. She hangs up and proceeds to text me that we're done and I'm a week man, and all I want is a trophy wife. For weeks we still would hang out but not as a couple she made that clear. At the beginning of Feb I told her I loved her and that I thought all of this was due to the pregnancy and she flipped out and (we live in different cities) I could only come to the appointments and had to stay at a hotel. I went to the last appt and it was hell. She ignored me, she was awful saying things like I don't really enjoy spending time with you, etc. So of course we get into this drop down fight and we're screaming at each other and she says she doesn't like me at all and never loved me. She threatened to call the cops if I didn't leave. 3 days later I get a text saying I can't come to the appts. I texted her last Thursday because she would have been 12 weeks and 2 days. I asked her how she was feeling - after 3 weeks of no communication! She sends me an ultrasound taken the day before nearly 24 hours. And she's changing the baby's name if it's a boy. I feel like her animosity is just growing. She was pregnant once before but had an abortion at 5 weeks but it really gave her bad acne when her skin was perfect so she has some powerful hormones. But can it really be that? She isn't close to her mom, she's had abuse in the past, been divorced before, had a*****e bfs before and had some psych stuff. I emailed her mom and her mom (not my fav person nor do I think gets any awards for mom of the year and I think is crazy) asking what is going on and she said that my gf "most likely won't changer her mind about you guys being a couple and the hormone things isn't solid. Don't bank on it."



So what do I DO?????? I am dying inside here. My dad killed himself when I was 6 months old and my biggest fear in life is not to be a full time dad. And here I'm missing out on all this pregnancy stuff that I wanted so badly. Do I give up? Do I walk away like it seems she wants? I don't want to be that creepy guy that can't move on but I love her and want to be with her. I'm so LOST and DISTRAUT. I'm depressed. Can it really be the hormones????

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
17th Mar '13

thats a tough situation. sounds like she may need some serious counseling :(

Nomo 4 kids; Mueang Phuket, Thailand 30487 posts
17th Mar '13

With my first baby my hormones were nuts, i said mean shit all the time, butalways came back around. But no atter what you can always take her to court to see the baby and stuff. She may realize once baby is born that she wants to have a family. Honestly i wouldnt give up if you didnt want to. So her how much you want to be there for her no matter how hard she pushes away, at leaast until baby is here. Good luck! Im sorry things arent panning out, but pregnancy does make people crazy

Mamakye_ Due October 19; 1 child; Australia 919 posts
17th Mar '13

I'm sorry about what you're going through. It pains me that a man who wants to be an involved dad is being forced out.



Regarding the hormones thing, nothing annoys me me more than when my hubby puts our issues down to MY hormones.
Sure, my hormones may be the reason for an OVERreaction but legitimate reasons are often the source of my problem. It's not fair to blame hormones for ALL of the problems IMHO you need to take a long and hard at the reasons behind the out bursts.
If she will let you, you need to apologise for blaming your issues on her hormones and tell her you want to work out the root of the problems and ask her to calmly explain things from her side. It might not work but it's worth a go.

Mamakye_ Due October 19; 1 child; Australia 919 posts
17th Mar '13

By your I don't mean YOU op I mean your plural.
Sorry thought I should clarify.

Mamakye_ Due October 19; 1 child; Australia 919 posts
17th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mamakye_:</b>" By your issues I don't mean YOU op I mean your plural. Sorry thought I should clarify."</blockquote>

1st time DAD needs help San Diego, California 7 posts
17th Mar '13

I never blamed her hormones. What I said to her was I understand that these things have happened to you in life and that you don't have close relationships. For sake she has " You will let me down" tatooed on her. I told her I was in love with her and that I wouldn't let her let me let her down - did that make sense? She lost it at that.

1st time DAD needs help San Diego, California 7 posts
17th Mar '13

This all seems so irrational and the anger has seemed to keep building even though I'm trying to back off. Now I've just been shut out. I can't think of any logical explanation except high hormones but is it wishful thinking that this will all go away? Am I being a fool to hang onto that hope?

Holly Boudrie Due December 8; TTC since Nov 2013; 1 child; 7 angel babies; Michigan 58 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting 1st time DAD needs help:" My GF and I wanted to have a baby. She even had to have her Moreno (sp?) taken out. We did it. We conceived ... [snip!] ... move on but I love her and want to be with her. I'm so LOST and DISTRAUT. I'm depressed. Can it really be the hormones????"


Regardless of if she is hormonal or not there is no excusses for her to treat another person that way especially the father of her child

mrs.bedell 2 kids; Grand Forks, North Dakota 747 posts
17th Mar '13

I mean I am not sure I have been bat shit crazy this pregnancy I say and do things even at the time I am saying them I know I am being one over dramatic b***h but its like I am half of a different person and cant help myself it can take days till I apologize but if she has family who doesnt like you and is convincing her its not just hormones and thats she is right to feel this way then she will see it as sane and something she is naturally feeling tell her even if she does not want you around you both decided to keep this baby and weather she likes it you are gonna be a active part of this babies life. I know so many moms who push the dad out then complain when the dad wants to some rights and or visitation do NOT WALK AWAY even if she is in the wrong your will always be looked at as the dead beat dad or sperm doner who wouldnt stick around.

mrs.bedell 2 kids; Grand Forks, North Dakota 747 posts
17th Mar '13

llllllllllllllllllllll

Jenna1234 1 child; Iowa 509 posts
17th Mar '13

I may have been reading this in a different way than you intended, but it did seem that you told her and her mother she was being hormonal and the topic of your question was is this hormones. Some people are hormonal, some people honestly just cant handle the person anymore and either act out without realizing it or if they have realized it, its their way of expressing it. I wouldn't completely put it to the hormones, some of it sounds like it could be, but sadly it could be she just doesn't feel for you right now. Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

1st time DAD needs help San Diego, California 7 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting mrs.bedell:" I mean I am not sure I have been bat shit crazy this pregnancy I say and do things even at the time I ... [snip!] ... AWAY even if she is in the wrong your will always be looked at as the dead beat dad or sperm doner who wouldnt stick around."

I would never walk away from our baby - I meant walk away from her and any hopes of us being together. I WILL have joint custody.

1st time DAD needs help San Diego, California 7 posts
17th Mar '13

Well I can honestly say none of these responses are making me feel better...but I guess it is what it is.

1st time DAD needs help San Diego, California 7 posts
17th Mar '13
Quoting 1st time DAD needs help:" I would never walk away from our baby - I meant walk away from her and any hopes of us being together. I WILL have joint custody."

2 days before we broke up we were talking about getting married. I don't know anymore. I have suspected it to be hormones and only asked her mother via private email. I haven't made the mistake of saying it to her. What I did say was that all her past issues combined with the pregnancy had her scared and that I wouldn't leave or let her down.