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user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
20th Mar '13

I've known several men to take a 2nd relationship. One of my husband's friends has 2 wives, and he has 2 kids with 1 and 1 kid with the other. It works for them and they are really good friends. The guy bought a multi-family house and one of his wives lives upstairs, the other lives downstairs, but they spend a lot of time together. I've known others that it has done nothing but end in heartbreak though. I think all parties have to be very open and understanding of each other in order for it to work properly.

usernametx Texas 19750 posts
20th Mar '13

I think that a man should be happy to just be with his wife if she has no sex drive during pregnancy, and not need to go be with someone else. A relationship is about more than sex.



If you want a girlfriend too, then think about it when you are both ready.

user banned Due November 7 (boy); 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
20th Mar '13

My suggestion would be that you do not explore these feelings until after your pregnancy. I feel like you might have a hard time with ever changing emotions and hormones while pregnant.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46581 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting TmA's mommy:" It would have to be someone that we would both be with, and probably not just sex. "


This is not something to rush in to.



Wait until after your pregnancy to discuss this further.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting Pusherman:" I've known several men to take a 2nd relationship. One of my husband's friends has 2 wives, and he has ... [snip!] ... heartbreak though. I think all parties have to be very open and understanding of each other in order for it to work properly."



I should also note that I am friends with both of the wives, moreso with the 1st wife than the 2nd, and she talks to me about the problems they have. Nothing too crazy, to be honest. Sometimes we all go out together and it's never awkward.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting TmA's mommy:" It would have to be someone that we would both be with, and probably not just sex. "


But for right now during your pregnancy would he only be having sex with her since you don't have a sex drive?
That would probably never work. I think that bringing a third party into a relationship COULD work (never for me, but others possibly), but only if there is an equal relationship between both parties. In this case, it would be one-sided.

mama2manyyy 33 kids; South Carolina 1823 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting Mama*AtoZ:" I think that a man should be happy to just be with his wife if she has no sex drive during pregnancy, ... [snip!] ... else. A relationship is about more than sex. If you want a girlfriend too, then think about it when you are both ready. "


My husband has never said anything about needing someone else. I am actually the one who brought it up. I was just thinking maybe now would be good since I don't want sex and I don't want to give him oral or even a handjob. But now reading responses I am seeing that its probably a really bad idea.

Munchkin Maker 2 kids; Maryland 733 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting Little Bit's Momma:" :!: I've heard NOTHING but horror stories and death sentences for relationships from this kinda thing ... [snip!] ... thing Even if you aren't the jealous type NORMALLY.....this deff could bring it out. I could never do it, I'd kill a bitch lol"


Exactly that.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting TmA's mommy:" My husband has never said anything about needing someone else. I am actually the one who brought it ... [snip!] ... and I don't want to give him oral or even a handjob. But now reading responses I am seeing that its probably a really bad idea."


I think right now it definitely it. If you are already having thoughts of jealousy or fear of him preferring the other woman, then it would never work out.

user banned Due November 7 (boy); 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
20th Mar '13

Quoting TmA's mommy:" My husband has never said anything about needing someone else. I am actually the one who brought it ... [snip!] ... and I don't want to give him oral or even a handjob. But now reading responses I am seeing that its probably a really bad ide



Even if there were no other red flags here, people spend YEARS trying to find the right person to add to their relationship.

user banned 1 child; :), :), United States 5380 posts
20th Mar '13

There was a news report recently about a love triangle gone wrong. A married couple brought a woman into their relationship, the women fell in love and ran off together, the husband killed them. Not that that would happen in your case, but I don't think it's a good idea to have that kind of relationship.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46581 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting TmA's mommy:" My husband has never said anything about needing someone else. I am actually the one who brought it ... [snip!] ... and I don't want to give him oral or even a handjob. But now reading responses I am seeing that its probably a really bad idea."


Overall, it is not a bad idea at all. But, it is nothing to rush into....there is a lot to be discussed before hand.



Polyamory is a very valid relationship choice. Don't let people tell you it isn't, or shame you into believing there is anything wrong with it.

user banned California 36390 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting TmA's mommy:" It would have to be someone that we would both be with, and probably not just sex. "


There is nothing wrong with being polyamarous! Don't listen to all these judgmental women. If this is something you both really want, talk about it. The hard part is finding the third person.

mama2manyyy 33 kids; South Carolina 1823 posts
20th Mar '13
Quoting Just Ames:" The whole "take care of him" thing makes me think this is more his idea than yours. So.....good luck with that."


It isn't his idea at all. I feel bad because we used to have sex daily. Now I have to force myself to have sex and its maybe once a week. I feel like I am neglecting him and I know how high his sex drive is. I apologize to him and he tells me not to and he knows how hard this pregnancy is being on my body. I just wish he was still being satisfied sexually.

Buckeye Due August 13; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Mt Gilead, Ohio 882 posts
20th Mar '13

I agree with most of the others. I see nothing but trouble also. How could you stand knowing your husband is having sex and getting more pleasure from someone that is not you. I am way to jelous of a person. My man is mine an know one elses that is psrt of what makes marriage special. The commitnent to forgo all other and cling to each other. If you are having sexual issues bring someone else in will only make it worse as you are not solving the underlying issue(your lack of interest). What if this person and your husband decide to leave you out forever.