we have been over for a few months now anyway, but last night id had ENOUGH. that was it. i wanted him GONE so while he was at the bar blowing every last dollar he had..i was packing his shit up and taking it t the curb. he slept on the porch then i went outside and told him to leave and it took forever to get him to but he finally left..and all day since he's been gone ive been reminding myself that i did the right thing. then ill start to come up with excuses about why he could have stayed longer blah blah blah....it just would have made things worse. but the house is feeling really empty, i threw out everything he didnt take with him, and i told him i would. i cleaned the bathroom and every other little thing that he'd left his mark on, like a window by the door that he wrote something on when it was dirty. i dont want any thing here to remind me of him...but he's still all around. i know its just the first day and its the worst, i even tried to cry but i couldnt. i was just too angry. i didnt want it to be such a nasty departure, but it also seems like it was easier that way. he will be back when his check comes in the mail this week or monday to pick it up or ill bring it to him wherever he went, but for now i wasnt wanting to hear or see his name. then my mom wakes up knowing i wanted him to leave and she asked, "Where's Grimm??" my heart sank. the bad thing is, im trying REALLY hard to keep my mind on track and not let un-necessary emotions get in the way. so to get it off my chest, ill just type it here.
even though he's out of this house, he's still in this town. he's probably going back to california or oregon. but even though i kicked him out, just knowing he's still not that far away is kind of keeping me on my toes. and when i learn that he's gone back to the west coast, i will feel abandoned. because THEN it will be final. because everytime i say something is final, it never really has been. its not taken seriously. but now it is. now its REALLY over.
but its for the best. to save both our sanity and to let us both be who we really are at our best instead of bringing out the worst in eachother. i hope so. this first day and night totally alone and i can feel my back about to break in half and my arms falling off. i know it will be worth it though...ugh..
Good. For. You. Keep it up.
Hang in there! Love & hugs.
Quoting Red Bottom:" Good. For. You. Keep it up.
Good JOB!!! Keep up your strength and surround yourself with those who love you dear!
Quoting Simply Mom:" Good JOB!!! Keep up your strength and surround yourself with those who love you dear!"
im almost shocked for some reason that there's already positivity about this...lol maybe because im not feeling good about it right now, but its actually helping me feel better little by little! thanks ladies!! i was expecting having to defend everything i said or people would take his side and tell me it was the most evil thing to do lol anyway, cooooool