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Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14181 posts
status 21st Mar '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" why cant he just go for 1 week by himself this year and plan a 2wk family trip next year?"


Going by himself is "not an option" because he wants the kids to go too. Totally understand that - I offered to give him permission to take our 4 year old and just go with him for however long he wants.



But he's dead set on the vacation being the way HE wants. Which is stupid because I don't need to go this year and neither does our infant who is only going to understand that Mommy isn't around and freak out.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
21st Mar '13

Is he wanting to see family or just a vacation? He sounds really irrational to be that upset over a simple vacation. I could understand his feelings more if it involved seeing family he hadn't visited with in a long time. Either way though if it's not financially doable this year there's really nothing that can be done. You don't want to be stuck without money in a foreign country with your children.

Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14181 posts
status 21st Mar '13
Quoting 3 little monsters:" Is he wanting to see family or just a vacation? He sounds really irrational to be that upset over a simple ... [snip!] ... year there's really nothing that can be done. You don't want to be stuck without money in a foreign country with your children."


Yes, his whole family is there, including his mom. His mom came last year to visit us but not his brother and they haven't seen each other in 10 years. So I totally get why he's so upset at the thought of not going, and I could see why he really wants to go. The problem is, what he wants is more important to him than what we NEED.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Supafly★:" Yes, his whole family is there, including his mom. His mom came last year to visit us but not his brother ... [snip!] ... going, and I could see why he really wants to go. The problem is, what he wants is more important to him than what we NEED. "


I guess I see both sides. I would be extremely irrational about it if I were him too especially since you have been planning it for so long. There's nothing worse than getting the rug suddenly pulled out from under you when plans that mean a lot fall through. I get your reasoning though, mostly. The work thing 100% and I understand wanting beach/camping trips but IMO this trip would be more important than those simply because it's his family. He hasn't seen them in years, hasn't been home in years and those memories would be worth one boring summer to me.

Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14181 posts
status 21st Mar '13
Quoting 3 little monsters:" I guess I see both sides. I would be extremely irrational about it if I were him too especially since ... [snip!] ... his family. He hasn't seen them in years, hasn't been home in years and those memories would be worth one boring summer to me. "


Thank you for looking at it in his point of view too, which is what I'm trying to do. I really want to go and I want him to be happy. And if this is what will make him happy, I'm on board. What I'm afraid of is if we don't have enough money, he'll be devastated and in his mind it will be my fault. I can take a boring summer, but I can't take a summer being spat on[not literally] because this trip didn't work out.

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Supafly★:" Thank you for looking at it in his point of view too, which is what I'm trying to do. I really want ... [snip!] ... fault. I can take a boring summer, but I can't take a summer being spat on[not literally] because this trip didn't work out. "


Maybe you can sit down with him and try to work up all the finances. Just tell him what you told me, you really want to go, you understand it's important to him but you are worried about finances and him blaming you. Then work everything out on paper so he can see it for himself, maybe try and come up with a budget plan to give you some extra money or find some corners you can cut somewhere. With the numbers staring him in the face he won't be able to blame you especially if you are trying everything to make it work without putting you all in a hard place financially. Maybe if you work up the number you'll need the trip is do-able with some smart planning, maybe not but at least this way he can't blame you for anything without being completely irrational. He will probably still be mad/disappointed and you'll likely take the majority of the emotional recoil but it will just be pissed at circumstances anger and not blaming you.

Violent Femme 2 kids; Toronto, Ontario 696 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Supafly★:</b>" That's a good idea. Is there a site I can go to that tells me the cost of like, luggage fees, car service ... [snip!] ... If I lay it all out I think that will make him understand that this is a HUGE expense...one that we can't afford right now. "</blockquote>



I'm Polish, and my family goes back yearly.
It's not cheap.
I haven't been since Poland entered the EU, but everything is expensive there now.
It's not the Poland of 10 years ago. :-/



Expect to need at LEAST 5 grand spending cash for 3 weeks if you plan on sightseeing, buying souvenirs and gifts, as well as buying gifts for your hosts and family you visit.

user banned 1 child; Boston, Massachusetts 30985 posts
21st Mar '13

you'll be staying with family the whole time?



you can work this out to spend a lot less than you think its going to cost. first compromise the weeks to 10 days - 14 days.



ill help you with the airfare, we can talk about that later.



Gooooo on the trip!

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
21st Mar '13

I agree w/your DH that seeing family is important but 3wks is irrational , exspecailly the week he plans 2 leave your breastfed baby w/ your mother. That will just make the baby, you, and his mother miserable. You need to explain to him the process of ''weaning'' , engorgement, and seperation anxiety. If you just cut out that 1 week you will save plenty of money for little things for the rest of the summer !

Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14181 posts
status 21st Mar '13

Maybe he'll settle for 2 weeks. I'll try and talk him into that.

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Supafly★:" Maybe he'll settle for 2 weeks. I'll try and talk him into that. "


Yeah, two weeks is better than no weeks. :)