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What do you do to help resolve a fight? Faye's Mama 1 child; Springfield, MO, United States 4569 posts
21st Mar '13

Dh and I got into badly a couple nights ago. Which is causing him to hardly speak a word to me and going into the spare bedroom after he finishes dinner.
I managed to get him to speak to me a little bit yesterday by going to the gym. I left after two hours (he got there just a little bit before I left) and he came home and made dinner (he isn't too fond of Western food and I can't really cook Chinese food).
I thought about what I could do to fix it and I know he is really tired of trying when I don't change anything. He shouldn't have too anymore after everything he has done for me. I don't want him to think I have ever taken him for granted and I love him and will do anything I can to fix our marriage. I told him this all yesterday and he said nothing. I went to the room I sleep in and waited to see if he'd come say something but he never did and we both eventually went to sleep.
This morning I got up and made his coffee and boiled some eggs for him (he likes that) and put the sauce on them he likes and set it on the table. He started to get dressed and at first acted like he wasn't going to eat, which made me upset (I actually had to grab my phone and start reading on it to keep my composure) but he did eat everything. He went to the door and I said "Have a nice day at work" and he just walked out.



I know he is mad at me. He does everything for me: he supports me financially, lets me use the money he earns, takes me shopping sometimes. He wants to go on vacation this summer before the baby comes. I am at a loss of really what I can do to try and fix this relationship. We don't want to lose each other, I know this much.



Any advice?

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
21st Mar '13

He's being a douche bag. People have fights. That doesn't mean that you just get to ignore your spouse for forever, that's unfair and childish. A marriage requires work for BOTH people. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to him... when DH get into a fight, we have a cool down period and then talk it out like adults. He's acting like a selfish little boy.

JΔS Georgia 72695 posts
21st Mar '13

He needs to stop acting like a child. Giving you the silent treatment? Classy. You guys fought. OK. Time to address it and move on. He's just drawing it out which is unnecessary.



What did you guys fight about anyway?

Faye's Mama 1 child; Springfield, MO, United States 4569 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:" He's being a douche bag. People have fights. That doesn't mean that you just get to ignore your spouse ... [snip!] ... when DH get into a fight, we have a cool down period and then talk it out like adults. He's acting like a selfish little boy. "


I didn't say the whole story. I've been pushing him to the limit and he's at it.

JΔS Georgia 72695 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Future Hapa Mama[8 weeks]:" I didn't say the whole story. I've been pushing him to the limit and he's at it. "


Doesn't give him an excuse to act that way. He's an adult and that's not how mature adults are suppose to handle situations.

Faye's Mama 1 child; Springfield, MO, United States 4569 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:" He needs to stop acting like a child. Giving you the silent treatment? Classy. You guys fought. OK. Time ... [snip!] ... OK. Time to address it and move on. He's just drawing it out which is unnecessary. What did you guys fight about anyway?"


How tired and stressed out he is and how I'm not helping him.

Faye's Mama 1 child; Springfield, MO, United States 4569 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:" Doesn't give him an excuse to act that way. He's an adult and that's not how mature adults are suppose to handle situations."


I suppose. I just want him to talk to me again. Books can only provide so much amusement.

Housewife & Co 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 600 posts
21st Mar '13

When dh & I went through a rough patch I tried talking things out soo many times & we'd end up arguing all over again. Guys are A LOT less verbal than us. What I did was write him a letter. That way he didn't feel like I was nagging him. I wrote the letter & in it I said I didn't want to talk about stuff, that we'd show the change with our actions. We haven't had a fight since :)

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
21st Mar '13

So .. he's mad because you can't cook? I don't know if I understood right.

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Future Hapa Mama[8 weeks]:" How tired and stressed out he is and how I'm not helping him. "

Okay. So it seems like you're putting forth effort to help him. That should be the end of it. He's emotionally black mailing you by making you feel insecure about your relationship. That's not fair.

Ladee+Grant+Lilly 2 kids; Tallahassee, FL, United States 20279 posts
21st Mar '13

I think he's acting childish. There is an old country song that has a lyric I love : "Baby don't go there, love don't get no where walkin away..." And it's truth. If you don't talk about it, or get it out in the open, nothing is going to change. At this point, if you say you've been pushing him to his limits, obviously you know you need to work on something here. Maybe some counselling is in order so you have an impartial third party, maybe he would talk then? But either way, he really needs to open that communication line to you.



That must have been some bad ass fight, for him to still not be talking to you two days later. I would have already cornered him up by now and made him talk (which probably would have just made things worse, depending on what the fight was about) but I don't do that not talking crap.

JΔS Georgia 72695 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Future Hapa Mama[8 weeks]:" How tired and stressed out he is and how I'm not helping him. "


Helping how? Financially? You need to give the full story here.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" Helping how? Financially? You need to give the full story here."</blockquote>




:!:

LayLu (girl); 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
21st Mar '13

It sounds like he's just hard headed.. my fiance' used to be the same way, but luckily we're at a point now where we just don't want to fight.. if we do, we apologize and move on. Before, no matter who's fault it was, it was always me to apologize first.. and he'd do the same thing, just not say anything back and act as if I wasn't even there. It drove me crazy! We've been through so much in our relationship that we've gotten past our stubborn ways. It sounds like your guy just needs to adjust his attitude, and unfortunately there's not much you can do to make that happen.

Faye's Mama 1 child; Springfield, MO, United States 4569 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:" Helping how? Financially? You need to give the full story here."


Sorry, I had to run to the store to buy some stuff for dinner.
Yeah, helping out financially and stuff. I am looking to get a job right now.