Reply
I just want my Daddy... Elle With FOUR! 4 kids; Wichita, KS, United States 18964 posts
21st Mar '13

My Dad passed away in December 2007. I've found out since that honestly, we don't even know what killed him - each of his children was told a different way he died, none of which were connected, and the rest of his family has made a point of keeping us out of their family...away from finding out (I was told he had a GI Hemmorage, my brother was told he had a massive heart attack, and my sister was told he died from injuries incurred in a fight). We didn't mention what we'd been told until well after whatever it was happened, we first discussed it and realized the stories didn't match up last summer.

I handled it pretty well at first, I think. I got really plastered the first night, cried a few tears off and on since then, and generally try not to think too much about it. The last time I saw my Dad, I was pregnant with my daughter and going through hell because of complications. He stayed away after she was born, half because he lived in another state, and half because we were going through heart surgery for her, and he knew we needed to minimize her exposure to germs. We had made plans for him to come celebrate Christmas with us, it was supposed to happen the weekend after he died. Instead, his brother contacted us with the news.

Now, I'm in about the same spot, two pregnancies later, and going through hell again. I feel silly for it, but I just want my Dad. I just want to hear his voice, and curl up next to him and cry on his shoulder. I want to hear him tell me it's going to be ok, I want to hear him say "I love you Baby Girl" just one more time....it was the last thing I ever heard him say, and I swear for a long time I could still hear his voice in my head, but even that is fading now. I feel so bad that I couldn't hold on to that longer. Hold on to him longer.

j.a.c 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Virginia 2165 posts
21st Mar '13

I'm so sorry sweetie.. I lost my mom back in February of 2012 from breast cancer... it's like one day she was there and the next she was gone. It all happened so fast. It is a horrible empty feeling in my heart that seems like it will never close up.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
21st Mar '13

I'm so sorry for your loss.



If you want a copy of hs death certificate so you can see for yourself, contact vital records. I think you can order one online.

Elle With FOUR! 4 kids; Wichita, KS, United States 18964 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting j.a.c:" I'm so sorry sweetie.. I lost my mom back in February of 2012 from breast cancer... it's like one day ... [snip!] ... next she was gone. It all happened so fast. It is a horrible empty feeling in my heart that seems like it will never close up."


I understand completely. I talked to my Dad 2 days before his brother called, to make plans to pick him up from the bus station (He had refused to get on a plane since he came home from Viet Nam. The only planes he were ever on were for the war...pretty negative connection.) and to try to convince him to stay with us instead of in a Hotel. He was so set on "staying out of the way" and not "throwing off our schedule" he wanted to stay at the hotel...I kinda thought having a newborn that didn't sleep through the night yet in the house probably had a bit to do with it, too lol Two days later, he was gone, they told me he'd probably died later in the evening when I talked to him. It's just fucking unreal, even now.

Walking in Memphis 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Macon, Georgia 5976 posts
21st Mar '13

I'm so sorry. It's never easy dealing with the loss of a parent. You can order a death certificate if you really wanted to find out his cause of death. And don't ever feel silly for wanting love from him. There are many days where I want nothing more than my mom and dad to be here with me again.

Elle With FOUR! 4 kids; Wichita, KS, United States 18964 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" I'm so sorry for your loss. If you want a copy of hs death certificate so you can see for yourself, contact vital records. I think you can order one online."


I was adopted by my stepfather when I was 8. He was an awful person and I sought out my Dad in my teens...he was everything a Dad should be, but legally we weren't family anymore. Don't you have to have a legal connection to order a birth/death certificate?

Walking in Memphis 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Macon, Georgia 5976 posts
21st Mar '13

Did he die in kansas? If so visit this site.
http://www.kdheks.gov/vital/death.html

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:</b>" I understand completely. I talked to my Dad 2 days before his brother called, to make plans to pick ... [snip!] ... he was gone, they told me he'd probably died later in the evening when I talked to him. It's just fucking unreal, even now."</blockquote>




My mom passed away before my kids were born. I miss her a lot all the time. But I get the most emotional thinking about all the things she has missed out on with my life, getting married, having babies, meeting my boys. DH and I talk about how if she was still alive she would be living with us so I could take care of her. She was really sick though and died in the hospital, a few days after being admitted the last time.

Elle With FOUR! 4 kids; Wichita, KS, United States 18964 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Walking in Memphis:" Did he die in kansas?"


No, he was from Oklahoma.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:</b>" I was adopted by my stepfather when I was 8. He was an awful person and I sought out my Dad in my teens...he ... [snip!] ... should be, but legally we weren't family anymore. Don't you have to have a legal connection to order a birth/death certificate?"</blockquote>




I don't think so. I got a copy of my little brothers... I needed his full name, date of birth a death. I can't remember what else... I can look for you.

j.a.c 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Virginia 2165 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:" I understand completely. I talked to my Dad 2 days before his brother called, to make plans to pick ... [snip!] ... he was gone, they told me he'd probably died later in the evening when I talked to him. It's just fucking unreal, even now."


I just don't understand how no one knows how he died?? You should seek the death certificate so you could find out, I think you can find out online.. My sister paid for my mom's, all she needed was a valid credit card. See with my mom, she went into the hospital for a broken ankle and 4 days later she was dead. Her husband (my at the time step-father) made it so she was taken off all fluids, everything.. She was basically knocked unconscious and died. I will never fucking understand it. I wasn't allowed to do anything to help her since he had all the rights.. At least I got to tell her I love her and say my goodbyes.. sorry, i'm ranting again..

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
21st Mar '13

http://www.ok.gov/health/Birth_and_Death_Certificates/Death_Certificate_Eligibility/index.html



Those are the requirements. I'm not sure how it would work since you were adopted, but you could call and find out. Unless you have something on the list that would work.

Elle With FOUR! 4 kids; Wichita, KS, United States 18964 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" http://www.ok.gov/health/Birth_and_Death_Certificates/Death_Certificate_Eligibility/index.html Those ... [snip!] ... it would work since you were adopted, but you could call and find out. Unless you have something on the list that would work."


My sister MAY be able to, once she's out of rehab. Again. Ugh! I hate having to rely on the family addict lol

ny_momof3 Due July 28 (girl); 18 kids; New York 5 posts
21st Mar '13

My dad passed when my son was just 2 he never got to meet my raughter or thevone I'm carrying now. October 2007. I miss him so much he was only 44.

Catie Herman Due May 22; 3 kids; Laurel, Maryland 10 posts
27th Mar '13
Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:" No, he was from Oklahoma."

Check with your states Department of Vital Records. They can send you a copy of the death certificate. Or you can order one online too. I am sorry to hear about your loss. We just lost my father in law on the 2nd of January to a house fire, don't know how it started. Its horrible to loose someone especially when you are pregnant. Both his oldest daughter and I are pregnant. She is due later in August.