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She blinded me with science! user banned
21st Mar '13

Thanks ladies!

vagina. 3 kids; Titz, No, Germany 30921 posts
21st Mar '13

First off, I'm sorry for your loss! I couldn't imagine.



Secondly, I think you should do what makes you happy.



I don't think you're wrong, I couldn't say what I would do as I've never been in that situation, but everyone deserves to be happy.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18749 posts
21st Mar '13

There is no rule book for what the right time is.




After my divorce was finalized, I met the man I was supposed to be with less than 5 months later. We were married 13 months after I left my ex. From the outside, it looked fast, but life happens and often not on our time frame.



Also, my mom started dating less than a year after my dad died. It seemed too soon, she was so in love with my dad, but she was withering away. She doesn't do well being alone.




There are a multitude of reasons why people should never judge what the appropriate time is to move forward with life. You did not die with your husband. As tragic as that is, you are alive, and though you miss him terribly I'm sure, you still have to keep going. Don't feel guilty for doing that.
*hugs*

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
21st Mar '13

I'm sorry for your loss. With that being said if this guy makes you happy, makes your son happy and you want a future with him don't fight it. I'm sure your late husband wouldn't want you to be miserable, you have to move on with your life (i don't want that to come off wrong)



My mom lost my dad 5 years ago and it took her 2 years to move on and she found a guy that is amazing, there's no reason for you to feel guilty.

user banned Vancouver, British Columbia 5643 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting i made a vagina.:</b>" First off, I'm sorry for your loss! I couldn't imagine. Secondly, I think you should do what makes you ... [snip!] ... think you're wrong, I couldn't say what I would do as I've never been in that situation, but everyone deserves to be happy."</blockquote>




:!: this. All of this.

user banned 2 kids; Georgia 24891 posts
21st Mar '13

Your husband would not want you to be alone and carrying sorrow for the rest of your life. You deserve happiness, and if this is the guy that can bring that to you, accept it. Guilt is a normal part of the healing process, but you can't let it eat you up.



I have seen your posts since you joined BG and I think I have told you before, but I think you are incredibly strong and selfless, you absolutely deserve to have someone in your life.

Crazyhazel89 1 child; Erie, Pennsylvania 3994 posts
21st Mar '13

I'm sorry for your loss...but your son will always have a daddy..he is just in heaven (looking over him). I know that you want a male figure for him..which is understandable...and i can understand feeling guilty..I probably would feel the same way. But I think your husband would want you to feel happy...and if you are happy...go for it!



if he treats you and your son the way you are supposed to be treated....there is nothing wrong...have you ever talked to a counselor?

Serial Mom ✄ 18 kids; Michigan 2690 posts
21st Mar '13

I definitely think your feelings are normal. You feel happy about your new relationship, but then guilty for feeling happy.



If you are ready for the relationship, then go for it. You deserve to be happy and you don't want to miss out on a great guy because you second guessed yourself. Also, I'm sure your husband would have wanted you to be happy.

user banned 1 child; Nunya, CA, United States 6369 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting i made a vagina.:</b>" First off, I'm sorry for your loss! I couldn't imagine. Secondly, I think you should do what makes you ... [snip!] ... think you're wrong, I couldn't say what I would do as I've never been in that situation, but everyone deserves to be happy."</blockquote>




Roy would WANT this for me and Jamison. I know he would. I don't feel like HE wouldn't want it. I'm the lame one that is uneasy...for no reason. I KNOW I am not doing anything wrong.



Thank you for the condolences. I appreciate it. I also appreciate the support. I really need it right now.

user banned 1 child; Nunya, CA, United States 6369 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting pilot Jess:</b>" There is no rule book for what the right time is. After my divorce was finalized, I met the man I was ... [snip!] ... are alive, and though you miss him terribly I'm sure, you still have to keep going. Don't feel guilty for doing that. *hugs*"</blockquote>




Aaaahhh, I NEEDED this "anecdotal" evidence. I feel normal from your post! Thank you.

user banned 1 child; Nunya, CA, United States 6369 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:</b>" I'm sorry for your loss. With that being said if this guy makes you happy, makes your son happy and you ... [snip!] ... 5 years ago and it took her 2 years to move on and she found a guy that is amazing, there's no reason for you to feel guilty."</blockquote>




I AM fighting it! I am I am I am.



But I think that I <gulp> LOVE him.

user banned 1 child; Nunya, CA, United States 6369 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting A❤T=P&W:</b>" Your husband would not want you to be alone and carrying sorrow for the rest of your life. You deserve ... [snip!] ... have told you before, but I think you are incredibly strong and selfless, you absolutely deserve to have someone in your life. "</blockquote>



I cried from reading this. Know why? Because despite any debating differences we've had, you are so kind.



That is wonderful of you. Thanks for seeing past the one side I usually expose and allowing me to show my soft underbelly.



It's hard for me. {{{Hugs}}}

user banned 1 child; Nunya, CA, United States 6369 posts
21st Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Serial Mom ✄:</b>" I definitely think your feelings are normal. You feel happy about your new relationship, but then guilty ... [snip!] ... to miss out on a great guy because you second guessed yourself. Also, I'm sure your husband would have wanted you to be happy."</blockquote>



I'm normal and my husband would want this for me. That is music to my ears. Thanks so much.

user banned 2 kids; Georgia 24891 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting A❤T=P&W:</b>" Your husband would not want you to be alone ... [snip!] ... Thanks for seeing past the one side I usually expose and allowing me to show my soft underbelly. It's hard for me. {{{Hugs}}}"


I won't hold your ideologies against you :D



I really hope you accept the happiness that is standing in front of you! To find the wonderful gift of love twice is a wonderful blessing, and you really do deserve it.
{hugs}

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
21st Mar '13
Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:</b>" I'm sorry for your loss. With ... [snip!] ... for you to feel guilty."</blockquote> I AM fighting it! I am I am I am. But I think that I <gulp> LOVE him."


Then let yourself see where things go, obviously he has feeling for you too especially if he flat out said that you two have a future together. LET yourself love again, you need to do this for not only you but your son. Don't feel guilty for something you know your husband would WANT you to do.