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Interfering Grandparents with Parenting!! Angel Rose 14 1 child; Mesa, Arizona 2 posts
24th Mar '13

Okay, Ill try & make this as short as I can. I'm 20yrs old & I have a 2yr old daughter. Soo.. I had my daughter January 2011 & her father was nvr in her life. He left when I was about 3months pregant. The day I had her was the best day of my life. She was my world. From October 2010 through till March 2011 I was seeing a man but sadly & unfortunately he was killed in March 2011 :'( He was the first person I have ever lost in my life.. never lost a friend or family memeber.. just him, my boyfriend. & for him to be shot & killed of all ways to leave the world. So of course, I was lost. I lost myself. I even tried to take my own life just so I could be with him again. Before his death, I was so in love with my daughter. I was the perfect mom. But after he passed I started partying a lot. (Keep in mind I am a young mom, had her at the age of 18, almost 19) & after I tried to kill myself.. my sister in law had called child services on me because she didn't think I was stable enough for my daughter. Which is acceptable I guess. I was always out partying. I took off or didn't come home when I said I would be home. I needed help & I admit that. So I started doing great, started seeing a counsellor.. I did everything child services wanted me to do. So by May, I had saved up enough money to move into my own 2bdrm apartment with my daughter. it was a big step for me & unfortunately I ended up messing that up. I was still grieving and I guess the thrill.of being 19 & having my own place got to me. I started drinking again & my sister in law called child services on me again & they made my daughter go stay with my parents pand they gave me a list of things I needed to do again. so with grieving and now having my daughter taken away, I felt like I had no one in the world. I continued to drink until I eventually got evicted. I admit I was the worst mother ever to my dauggter frm tge time she was about 4months old until October 2011 when I got her back.in my care. my parents had her from June-October 2011. I had gotten my own place again but I no longer partied. ended up getting evicted from there tho because I let.my friend come stay with me but she didnt save up.her half of the rent so we got evicted. :( so.I finally moved back.in.with my.parents and ive been with them ever since January 2012-Present. Recently, we moved from Canada to the U.S. Ive completely changed my life around. I havent drank since July 2012 or even veen in a relationship with anyone or even went to hang out with ANY friends EVER. my days cinsist of either staying home with my daughter or going to work. When im home wirh my daughter, I make sure shes dressed and clean. I read to her everynight before bed. I make sure she brushes her teeth. I buy her healthy foods such as yogurt, fruits ,& vegetables and have no.problem getting her to eat. I take her to the park on my days off. I cook and clean up after her & myself. mind my room isnt always the cleanest, but I always clean up her room before I send her off to bed. I do the best I can to discipline her when she needs to be. I dnt spank her or anything, I just send her to her room or take away one of her fav. toys or say I wont take her to the park & so on. & See, I dont complain about not being able to go out and do anything with friends. I dont even bother to ask. I dont mind. besides, the area I live in, theres not very many people.my age that have kids so theyre all about that party life and I dont want to get sucked back into that lifestyle. My problem is, I have set bed/nap times for my daughter. but when I come home frm work at 10:30 at night, my daughter is still awake running around when her bed time is 9pm. I buy her special snacks for when she uses her potty (pottytraining) but when I come home, half the box is gone the. my daughter freaks out when I tell her no.that she cant have any unless she goes pee on her big girl potty. My mom yells at me to go.lay down with her when she cries cause sge doesnt want to go to bed at night when im trying to teach her to sleep in her big girl bed by herself. which shes been in since October 2012. Mymom says its "child neglect" when my daughter knows how to.open the fridge and get her fruits or juice by herself. at least shes not pulling out all the food or breaking eggs right??my daughter is in this stage where she wants to be independent and do.thibgs on her own. she asks me for things sometimes or for me to help her and I will but if she doesnt need my help she wont ask. now depending on what it is that she wants.to do, ill let her but obviously if its something shes not allowed to do, ill step in. but my mom says she shouldnt know how to do certain things on her own at her age. I think my daughter is smart. every time I take her to her pediatrician, theyre always amazed at how smart and advanced she is, so I know shes smart. But anyways, my mom is constantly on my case about how my daughter.doesnt listen when im not home and how bad she is and she says I dont discipline her enough and how I rely on my parents too much when it comes to helping out witb my daughter. I buy her everything she needs, diapers, milk, groceries, clothes.. the onky thing I really rely on my parents for is babysitting for me while I work from 2-10pm 4days a week. I dont know what to do.. my mom is really getting to me. ive tried to talk to her about how I feel but she doesnt listen & she thinks shes right. the onky thing thats stopping me.from moving out is the fact that I wont be able to afford daycare even if I changed.my hours at work to.morning shifts. and I have no one else that would watchher for me for 8 hours. Im going crazy. :(

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
24th Mar '13

Your parents have been raising her for you while you've made poor choice after pot choice and they're still paying for you to live there, and your daughter. So you will have to live by their rules.



It hasn't even been a year since you've been on the right path, and you seem to have an excuse for everything, so I'm sure they're sceptical and waiting for the other shoe to drop.



All you can do is continue to prove yourself, improve your life, mature, and become more independent.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
24th Mar '13

Have you tried looking for a baby sitter? It would be a lot cheaper than putting her in a day care. Maybe you need to sit down with your parents and tell them, yes I know I've made mistakes and haven't always been the best mother, but I have changed. I would like for all of us to be on the same page as far as her care and how she is being raised and write out a list of things you want done. If your mom doesn't want to let her be so independent, then fine. But I wouldn't listen to her or keep your daughter from doing things if she wants. If your parents don't follow your list, then I would really start looking for a place to move. Maybe you could look into some financial/government support?

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Your parents have been raising her for you while you've made poor choice after pot choice and they're ... [snip!] ... the other shoe to drop. All you can do is continue to prove yourself, improve your life, mature, and become more independent."


And I would agree they are probably skeptical of your abilities to be a good mother. Until you do move out, you are going to have to be somewhat understanding and abide by their rules. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for them to follow some ground rules when they watch her.

Angel Rose 14 1 child; Mesa, Arizona 2 posts
24th Mar '13

They only parented her for 5 months and even though the last time I drank was only July 2012, I was still doing good since about November 2011 I went to trade school and graduated my class. started working, was in a rrelationship with a good guy for about 6 months just until we moved. I was only going out like once every month or two. I was doing really good, I just made the decision myself that I no longer wanted to participate in drinking or going out. Id say ive been good for about a year and a half niw. My mom just has different parenting ideas. If you knew my mom you would understand. shes with my stepdad who has 4kids plus my brother and I. so 6kids. 5 out of 6 of us started running away at the age of 16 because my mom is so crazy wuth her yelling at us all the time and giving us rediculous rules to follow. I understand how you could see it that way (your reply) but you really dont know me or exactly how much ive changed. my parents are really attatched to my daughter as we both live with them. but I do pay a portion of the rent plus I spent about 200 on groceries every month. I do follow their rules of the house, I just dont think.its fair that I try and set rules for MY daughter to get her in a routine but my parents overstep those rules and let her do certain things just because im not home.