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ßlack Rose ♥ 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Sharon, Oklahoma 5335 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting angelica j:" I'm not gonna tell her at 3! And im not gonna tell her that he chose all that over her I was just telling you why he's not around and asking what to tell her and when in life to tell her"


When she's ready, she will ask you. Then you can tell her that you and daddy loved each other, but sometimes things don't always work out and people go their separate ways.



And you never know what will happen down the road. He might get his shit together, clean up his act and want to start getting involved in his daughters life. You have a while to think about it and get what you want to say, but just remember, sometimes the less you say can be more beneficial and less hurtful.

user banned Due November 7; 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting angelica j:" Is family is still apart of her life. Idk how to handle that since they will still talk about him and ... [snip!] ... or miss if he calls her or not. It's been a week and nothing. I'm at the point where I don't want to answer his calls anymore"

You are saying he is out of her life but that he hasn't called in a week? And he is still referred to as daddy?



I think you need to relax, let things play out, in like 10 year when she wants to know decide where you are at then.



Tanner is 4. His bio dad hasn't called, EVER.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
24th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Smartass *Preggo!*:</b>" You are saying he is out of her life but that he hasn't called in a week? And he is still referred to ... [snip!] ... play out, in like 10 year when she wants to know decide where you are at then. Tanner is 4. His bio dad hasn't called, EVER. "</blockquote>




This :!: and OP, you can't not answer his calls. You said he is an addict. It's a diseas and maybe he does love his daughter. She will understand as she gets older but for now I'd let it play and just tell her when she asks things like "daddy is not feeling well right now." "Idk when he will call but maybe soon." Or go with the "all families are different."
And you can't blame his family for wanting her to know him. He is their son/brother(idk who is in your DD's life for his family) but they probably wish he made better choices too and miss him just like your daughter does.

angelica j 1 child; 1 angel baby; Waukesha, Wisconsin 414 posts
24th Mar '13

He's gone m

angelica j 1 child; 1 angel baby; Waukesha, Wisconsin 414 posts
24th Mar '13

He's gone months without makin any contact and I see that happening again now. He makes an effort when he wants but since he moved its few and far between

angelica j 1 child; 1 angel baby; Waukesha, Wisconsin 414 posts
24th Mar '13

I don't think it's fair to her for him to be in and out all the time and hoping it will change

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
24th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting angelica j:</b>" I don't think it's fair to her for him to be in and out all the time and hoping it will change"</blockquote>




It's not but she isn't at the age to hope it will change. And as a kid she will always hope it will change. I'm sure most adults wish their fathers would have changed and wanted to be involved. There isn't anything you can do about that.
Just be there for her and keep her relationship with her dad open on your part. If you stop answering his calls he will blame you when she is older. This way she will figure out for herself.

user banned Due November 7; 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting angelica j:" I don't think it's fair to her for him to be in and out all the time and hoping it will change"


It's not fair, but it's also not up to you. You cannot control that. Unfortunately she will have to be much older and then she will start to resent him doing that to her. But in the meantime you have to deal with it because that is her father and she has a right to make her own judgements about him

Severus Snape Due March 15; 1 child; Tennessee 3511 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting Smartass *Preggo!*:" It's not fair, but it's also not up to you. You cannot control that. Unfortunately she will have to ... [snip!] ... in the meantime you have to deal with it because that is her father and she has a right to make her own judgements about him"


This.



It's also not fair if you keep him away from her when he does try to be in her life. Either way the situation sucks but I think you'd rather her resented him for not showing up than resenting you for not giving him a chance.

angelica j 1 child; 1 angel baby; Waukesha, Wisconsin 414 posts
26th Mar '13

I got a message from him yesterday basically saying god doesn't want him in our lives. I responded and he never said anything after that. Who the hell says god doesn't want them in their child's life. I talked to his sister and she said he just doesn't want to be a dad. I think I'm gonna block him on fb so he doesn't see what's going on in our lives and and I've asked his sister not to send him anything either. If he wants to know what's going on with her then he can call me. Which I really don't see happening anymore. So sad since we planned her :(