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Walking in Memphis 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Macon, Georgia 5961 posts
24th Mar '13

I would not be able to compromise on any of it. To me that is a pretty big difference and I don't think there is any way to meet in the middle. Good luck though with whatever you choose.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
24th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mexican't:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting [JadeLee]:</b>" How do we make this work? I mean there isn't ... [snip!] ... in something I find so important, such a big part of my life.... I probably would not be married right now. Just being honest."</blockquote>




Agreed.

Jillian Lindsey 2 kids; Mosheim, Tennessee 2354 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting [JadeLee]:" How do we make this work? I mean there isn't really a compromise for it, you either get married under ... [snip!] ... of course SO does. We avoid this conversation, but as we are beginning to plan our 2014 wedding it is becoming a worry to me."

SO doesnt believe in God but because i do we will have a religious wedding he sees the bible as a fiction book of stories so he doesnt care if God is mentioned our kids go to church (i told him they will go to church period hes fine with that and later they choose if they want to believe or not) etc why does it matter if God is mentioned if you dont believe in Him?

Squid Kid Unavailable, NA, United States 32448 posts
24th Mar '13

I have religious beliefs, but we just had a priest out of tradition, shit, I don't even remember the vows we said. lol.



DH isn't religous, I don't think he even noticed 'cause he was so nervous.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
24th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting [JadeLee]:</b>" He doesn't really go to church, but believes in god. DD asks about church and she can go with him if she wants."</blockquote>




Just have the wedding as you usually would and get married by a priest or whatever they're called. Write your own vowels. It's just one day and it sounds like if he is really religious he has compromised a lot for your relationship

Sarah ♥ K&K 2 kids; South Land, CA, United States 119220 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" i would honestly be more concerned about how you are going to ''compromise'' in the upbringing of children ... [snip!] ... is a much more serious issue at hand then dealing w/the wedding ceremony itself. I hope you get things worked out b4 next year."


Agreed

kr.r 1 child; Dallas, TX, United States 8737 posts
24th Mar '13

Didn't go through this exactly, but ran into the issue of God being/not being involved in our ceremony.



For the time being, DH and I are agnostic. We were raised in Christian homes but have been out of the church for years and no longer have the beliefs we once did. Obviously getting married under God wasn't something we wanted because it did not pertain to the people we were right then. However, the pastor I wanted to officiate our ceremony (a long-time friend of my family and a mentor throughout my childhood) said he could not leave God out of it. He firmly believes God is involved in all things, and therefore needs to be included in wedding ceremonies.



After learning that, we told him it wasn't going to work out and looked for a replacement online. Just some random officiant who didn't care what faith you practiced or didn't practice and would say whatever you hired her to say. All fine and good until we met her. She was not right for the job. Plus, her schedule was super ridiculous and she couldn't even meet until 9 days before the wedding. It was stressful scrambling at the last minute to attempt to find someone else, so we turned back to my old pastor. He told us he would keep the date open in case we changed our mind, and was thrilled to hear he could still be a part of our day.



He did add some bits about God/God's love/what have you, but it was short and sweet and honestly, it didn't bother either of us. Other than his few add-ons, he stuck to the script we carefully wrote and it was wonderful.



I guess it just depends on how big of a role your partner wants religion to play in the ceremony.

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" i would honestly be more concerned about how you are going to ''compromise'' in the upbringing of children ... [snip!] ... is a much more serious issue at hand then dealing w/the wedding ceremony itself. I hope you get things worked out b4 next year."

There is nothing to get worked out, he is welcome to bring our children to his church that he rarely attends and his parents prayer at meals while we are there. Our children are open to choose whatever they would like as a religion and may research as they wish and if they ask questions I will try to find them for them.

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting kr.r:" Didn't go through this exactly, but ran into the issue of God being/not being involved in our ceremony. ... [snip!] ... wrote and it was wonderful. I guess it just depends on how big of a role your partner wants religion to play in the ceremony."

It really does, so I asked him and he is thinking about it.



I am hoping for no prayer sessions or anything because I am sure my family would not be attending in that case. I am hoping it would just be involved by the words of the officiant and I just want something short sweet and to the point anyway. I am having the big wedding for SO because I honestly do not want one.



We have a lot of differences in religion and politics, but you can't help who you love, and we just make it work by generally not discussing them.

kr.r 1 child; Dallas, TX, United States 8737 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting [JadeLee]:" It really does, so I asked him and he is thinking about it. I am hoping for no prayer sessions or anything ... [snip!] ... in religion and politics, but you can't help who you love, and we just make it work by generally not discussing them."


:? That's really sad that your family wouldn't come if there was prayer involved. I mean, I didn't want it either and a good deal of DH's family doesn't believe in God and aren't very fond of being around all that, but just some mentions of the Big Guy weren't a big deal. The important part was what they came to support. Us uniting in marriage. Didn't matter what was said by some officiant.

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
24th Mar '13
Quoting kr.r:" :? That's really sad that your family wouldn't come if there was prayer involved. I mean, I didn't want ... [snip!] ... deal. The important part was what they came to support. Us uniting in marriage. Didn't matter what was said by some officiant."

Yeah I think the mention of god might be ok. But I personally don't want any moments of prayer or anything either.

Subtle As A Hurricane 2 kids; Texas 4126 posts
25th Mar '13

I think you guys can come to a compromise. Maybe let the pastor or whomever mention God, but don't do any prayers? DH and I got married at the courthouse, but we haven't had our "real" wedding, yet. The JOP asked if we wanted a prayer and I made DH decide. I'm not religious and he is. DH didn't want a prayer, so we didn't have one. I don't remember if he mentioned God or not.

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting Subtle As A Hurricane:" I think you guys can come to a compromise. Maybe let the pastor or whomever mention God, but don't do ... [snip!] ... I'm not religious and he is. DH didn't want a prayer, so we didn't have one. I don't remember if he mentioned God or not."

Apparently you guys are a divorce waiting to happen according to the people above lol.



I think we are working it out, we have some time.

Subtle As A Hurricane 2 kids; Texas 4126 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting [JadeLee]:" Apparently you guys are a divorce waiting to happen according to the people above lol. I think we are working it out, we have some time."


Lol. I guess so! As long as he doesn't try to force his beliefs on me or DD (and vice versa, naturally), I don't care what he believes. He can go to church if he wants. DD can go with him if she wants. Hell, I've gone with him and his family once for a service and multiple times for various carnivals or festivals they throw throughout the year. That goes back to that whole compromise thing. :wink: