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gentle parenting advice PERSISTENCE user banned
25th Mar '13

I don't know how to deal with my daughter never accepting that we can't do something. an example:



My daughter has a plate full of broccoli but wants more. I tell her she can have more once she finishes what is on her plate.
"But I want more."
"You can have as much as you want, but you need to eat all your broccoli before you get more."
"But I want more now."



Repeat repeat repeat.



Or...anytime I tell her to stop something, I get why? Cu z (reason) ..why? Cuz (reason).



How do I stop the cycle of questions without telling her to stop the questions and do as I say?

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
25th Mar '13

I tell my Son once more (whatever it is) and then I tell him if he doesn't want to listen to me, that's his problem and I proceed to ignore him.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting Just Ames:" I tell my Son once more (whatever it is) and then I tell him if he doesn't want to listen to me, that's his problem and I proceed to ignore him."


I guess I do that too. I say the answer is no, if you ask again I'm not answering. But then she will ask repeatedly for thirty minutes or longer and I get worn down, lol. I don't want to have to endure that.

April_Pike Due May 28; 1 child; South Carolina 72 posts
25th Mar '13

My 4 year old was into the WHY stage really bab up until my husband got so irritated by it he just started doing it back to my son. Ethan would get so angry and yell "DADDY STOP SAYING WHY". To that my husband would simply say "Now you know how it feels!" Seems a little harsh but it got the point across to him!

April_Pike Due May 28; 1 child; South Carolina 72 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting April_Pike:" My 4 year old was into the WHY stage really bab up until my husband got so irritated by it he just started ... [snip!] ... WHY". To that my husband would simply say "Now you know how it feels!" Seems a little harsh but it got the point across to him!"

opps *bad*

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" I guess I do that too. I say the answer is no, if you ask again I'm not answering. But then she will ... [snip!] ... But then she will ask repeatedly for thirty minutes or longer and I get worn down, lol. I don't want to have to endure that."

I completely understand. I find myself giving in or negotiating a lot because it's like the battle of the strong willed and sometimes he's stronger :?

✩BG Addict +2 2 kids; Ohio 23636 posts
status 25th Mar '13
Quoting Just Ames:" I tell my Son once more (whatever it is) and then I tell him if he doesn't want to listen to me, that's his problem and I proceed to ignore him."

this is what i do. you just have to be strong. i know it sucks when they keep going on and on...but if you give in they'll continue to do that every time because they know you'll eventually give in.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting Just Ames:" I completely understand. I find myself giving in or negotiating a lot because it's like the battle of the strong willed and sometimes he's stronger :?"


Lol ya when you've literally got nothing better to do all day than try to get your way, I guess they've got the edge.

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
25th Mar '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" Lol ya when you've literally got nothing better to do all day than try to get your way, I guess they've got the edge."

:x

ItsEasyIfYouTry 1 child; Florida 830 posts
26th Mar '13

My son hasn't reached your daughter's age yet so I'm not sure how helpful my input will be. I thought it might be worth a shot in the dark. If it is irrelevant just ignore me :).
I've been doing a lot on reading on Janet Lansbury's blog and on Magda Gerber's RIE philosophies. It seems more aimed at infants and toddlers but I'm assuming it is applicable for preschool age and up. In my opinion if you have a persistent child, your child needs a consistent mom. It's like she already knows what you want so she is just repeatedly pushing that envelope. And not because she is bad or out of line, but simply because she's 4 (I think) and she wants to have some say. From reading your other posts and just chatting with you here and there on gaga, I know you take the gentle and respectful child rearing route. I'm sure you say yes as often as you can and give choices. Your daughter sounds like a smart girl who isn't about to accept 'no' easily. In a way that is very good because as she gets older persistence is a great quality to have. She won't be the type to give up. But as of now it's a challenge for you! I feel like the RIE method would say something like- its okay if your daughter has a hard time accepting when you say 'no' to things. You don't have to make it easier for her to accept things because that's something she will come to deal with on her own. It sounds like its more so something that you are wishing she would do to give you a break. I am sure hearing why, why, why gets old!!! I suppose you can say " I have already told you my reason why, and I am not going to talk about it anymore." And since your daughter sounds so smart, she probably won't accept a reason that doesn't make any sense to her. Another idea is the acknowledging feelings method.
DD: "I want more broccoli now."
You: " I see you really love broccoli! That's great! I also see your plate is still full of little trees. Why don't you show me when your broccoli forest is all gone on your plate and I'll give you more."
Not sure if that would work with her? Good luck to you. You always give such helpful advice I thought I could give another perspective in return :)

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
26th Mar '13
Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" My son hasn't reached your daughter's age yet so I'm not sure how helpful my input will be. I thought ... [snip!] ... work with her? Good luck to you. You always give such helpful advice I thought I could give another perspective in return :)"


I actually think this is great advice....but I'm betting Chim already does this :)
It's an excellent reminder for us all though.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
26th Mar '13
Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" My son hasn't reached your daughter's age yet so I'm not sure how helpful my input will be. I thought ... [snip!] ... work with her? Good luck to you. You always give such helpful advice I thought I could give another perspective in return :)"


Thanks :) I have never heard of these people, I'll have to google them!

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
26th Mar '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" Thanks :) I have never heard of these people, I'll have to google them!"


I just read some of Janet's blog and I'm not liking her RIE approach and the negativity she puts on attachment parenting.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
26th Mar '13
Quoting The Blissful Six:" I just read some of Janet's blog and I'm not liking her RIE approach and the negativity she puts on attachment parenting."


I just looked and it looks like this is what is advocated in the PAHM blog. I have always naturally done this I guess since neither if my kids have particularly liked being worn and have always preferred playing on the floor near me while I watched. And we have always tried to facilitate as much independence as possible while still being sensitive to their needs for physical closeness whenever they asked.



So I guess I do both.

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
26th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" I just looked and it looks like this is what is advocated in the PAHM blog. I have always naturally ... [snip!] ... as possible while still being sensitive to their needs for physical closeness whenever they asked. So I guess I do both."</blockquote>




J has always preferred to be held, but she likes to play on her own just as much. I don't know...I just parent as best as I can and hope I do a good job. Labeling it gets kinda silly.