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open relationships? ...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
26th Mar '13

please dont judge or quote... SO and I have just not been the same since having DD... we love each other and dont want to be with anyone else relationship wise but were just not getting what we want in bed from each other... we set down a ton of rules and regulations as to how many times, not giving the person our info and being up front with the other person as to that we have a family and that its just sex. were both being adults about it and have no issues with being jealous... we havent actually started it yet, last night we made like 2 pages of rules. Im just wondering if you have or had one did it work? why or why not? I really think that this could help us, were both looking for something and not getting it... i would be completely happy if we were both seeing other people as long as our family came first. Thats pretty much what all the rules were about.. were each allowed one a month... we dont take calls or text during dinner or family time... and you arent allowed to do "dating" things with the other person... just sex. I feel like this is either going to make or break us.Please only answer if you have been in an open relationship... i dont need 14 replies of people saying "i could never do that" "i would be too jealous" that doesnt help me at all.

Ladee+Grant+Lilly 2 kids; Tallahassee, FL, United States 19708 posts
26th Mar '13

I tried with my ex husband. It wound up breaking us. However, I think our relationship was downhill when it started. As long as you feel secure in your relationship, and you have the rules in place and everyone follows them, I'd say it could work. Good luck to you either way! I hope you both find what you're looking for.

Phallus Cranium fuknutz, NM, Togo 103194 posts
26th Mar '13

I think it may work out better if you get right with eachother before bringing in others.



Why not try to give eachother what you are lacking and then explore other situations.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; GoShox!, KS, United States 9193 posts
26th Mar '13

Why don't you work on your relationship, rather than sleeping with other people?

I think it'll break ya, sorry.

Photo Assassin 67 kids; Louisville, Kentucky 1666 posts
26th Mar '13

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for 3 years. It wasn't until last summer, however, until we actually met someone that we finally 'did it'.



It was a couple, I was naturally with her husband, she was with mine, both knew upfront what we wanted out of it, just sex, and nothing more.



Well, my husband couldn't (ahem) finish, because he said it was just too much for him. I on the other hand had the time of my life, and actually came out of it wanting my husband MORE.



We haven't done it since then, (and since being pregnant anyways, we're not going to). He says he'd like another oppurtunity to fulfill that, since he felt robbed the last time. I told him I had no issue with him doing this, (even now), but I no longer had the desire to do it.



We still are friends with the couple, and are friends with a lot of lifestyle people. Some do it on a weekly basis, so others less frequently. If you both have your rules, your intentions laid out, I see no issue with it. Being 100% honest and upfront with your partner, if you don't like it, (even if you felt you were, or all of the sudden, jealously rears its ugly head), then tell him.



I have had a friend couple, who divorced because she no longer wanted to do that anymore, but he did, and she only continued to keep him happy. You can PM me if you have any other questions, we still go to lifestyle parties, and are very open sexually about our relationship.

Pabst 10 kids; Muthafuckin, GA, United States 26163 posts
26th Mar '13

I don't know. I don't think open relationships are meant to fix an issue in your monogamous relationship. Do either of you know what it is that you're not getting from each other?

Stevie Renae 2 kids; North Carolina 11857 posts
26th Mar '13

it'll break y'all, even if you feel you both can be adult about it it'll still turn out in jealousy and badly.

...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
26th Mar '13

we know what it is that were not getting, im not going to get into it... its lengthy and complicated. it purely sexual, we really dont have any other issues we both just want to have our cake and eat it too i guess. were really sexual people and what it comes down to is we want to be with each other for companionship, love, family ext... and were absolutely perfect for each other but were both super flirts, love the opposite sex attention and being with someone new now and then. one of my best friends said that when her and her husband took a break once, they both slept with someone new after... it turned their relationship around for the better. i know not everyone is the same but one of the big rules is when either of us say "no more" we both stop. i fully trust him, iv never trusted anyone like i do with him. I know he would use protection, and follow all the rules. even if i said stop... i know it wouldnt continue. our number 1 priority is us and our daughter as a family.

...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
26th Mar '13

I dont know, i mean i obviously cant for see the future but were not like other couples... hes not like other guys and im certainly not like other women... i guess we will see! :P

Pabst 10 kids; Muthafuckin, GA, United States 26163 posts
26th Mar '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Krystie321:</b>" we know what it is that were not getting, im not going to get into it... its lengthy and complicated. ... [snip!] ... all the rules. even if i said stop... i know it wouldnt continue. our number 1 priority is us and our daughter as a family."</blockquote>



As long as you both know the rules and are trusting and doing it because you both want to, might as well give it a shot. I don't suggest picking random people though. Maybe a couple like the other poster mentioned.

Phallus Cranium fuknutz, NM, Togo 103194 posts
26th Mar '13
Quoting Krystie321:" we know what it is that were not getting, im not going to get into it... its lengthy and complicated. ... [snip!] ... all the rules. even if i said stop... i know it wouldnt continue. our number 1 priority is us and our daughter as a family."

So then why are you even asking for opinions?

...lll 1 child; Rutland, Vermont 1400 posts
26th Mar '13

i was just asking for people who had been in one, if it worked why or why not. i didnt want replies from people who havent been in one because i really dont think they would understand.

Jessica +2 Due September 7; 2 kids; Florida 3470 posts
26th Mar '13

I have no personal experience with this. My ex husband and I are still close friends and him and his wife tried this a couple years ago. They had laid down rules but it still broke them. It didn't break them for good but they did split for close to a year. They are back together now without the open relationship but he tells me he still strays when she goes out of town for anything. Have you figured out what your not getting from your husband and what he isn't getting from you? Have you tried to work on those things with each other? If you haven't maybe do that first and work on it. Jealousy is a big relationship breaker so just be careful! Good luck!

Phallus Cranium fuknutz, NM, Togo 103194 posts
26th Mar '13
Quoting Krystie321:" i was just asking for people who had been in one, if it worked why or why not. i didnt want replies from people who havent been in one because i really dont think they would understand."

Well you obviously did not give any weight to my comment :wink:

3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
26th Mar '13

I have a friend who has a very open relationship like that, they've been together for 10+ years and they have been open since the beginning. It has caused issues between them but they always manage to work it out. She told me the main problem is that after awhile it gets easier to forget the rules or to start bending them.