Healing by working out Belle De Jour Due October 8; 2 kids; Kentucky 17572 posts
28th Mar '13

As a lot of you know I have been dealing with a really tragic event this last month (if you don't know just go look in my past threads).
I went to the doctor yesterday and talked to her about how I was dealing and coping with things and it was kinda nice. She gave me a list of therapists to call and was as supportive as she could be for just a GP doctor.
Then we went over my weight and cigarette smoking like we always do :lol:
I had only lost 2lbs since I saw her a little over a month ago. And was back up to about a pack a day (though she said that wasn't surprising since this is all happening).
So, when I left I went home and worked out, I got my last meal from a fast food place and and left my cigs in my car so that if I REALLY needed one I would have to go all the way out back to my car to get one.
Then I went to the grocery store and got all the foods I was eating when I was doing good with my diet.
And today? OMG I felt so much better all ready!
My body is SOOOO sore and I LOVE it. I've only smoked 3 cigs today and only eaten healthy foods today.

I was thinking to myself today.

My nephew died. He's gone, it hurts and I don't think I will ever get over the fact that he died let alone that it happened while I was watching him, but he's gone.
There's nothing I can do to make that any different. And there is no way to just turn off the pain. Life keeps going. I still have a job to work at, my children to raise, and bills to pay. I am about to turn 21 in 18 days, I can't live the rest of my life curled up on my couch.

It even hurt writing that, it really does. As many of you know I haven't dealt with this very well.
But I need to start healing. I'm not going to forget him, I'm not going to stop hurting, hell I'll probably still freeze up when I see baby things at the store or hear sirens outside my house. I'll probably still tear up from time to time and others completely break down.
But for now? I'm going to do my best to be normal again. To be the mother I need to be and to live the life that I've been letting pass me up.

Sorry. Done blabbing now :oops:

☮Sugar Magnolia 1 child; Indiana 18293 posts
28th Mar '13

So glad to hear you're doing better hun!

And no, you will never get over it. You will get through it though, no one gets OVER death.

Stay strong, mama<3

Binky ♡ 2 kids; Pennsylvania 6236 posts
28th Mar '13

I'm glad you're feeling better hun, sorry for your loss <3

user banned 2 kids; New York 34017 posts
28th Mar '13

You're still gonna have your days, and you know everyone will be here for you when you do. <3

I'm glad to hear you are doing better, & i hope you do talk to someone. It feels better to just get it all out, even if you aren't looking for a reply, just saying everything out loud can help.

user banned 1 child; :), :), United States 5380 posts
28th Mar '13

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Great job on your progress today. Keep up the awesome work!