My BF is being a lazy POS a*****e lately. I haven't left the house in days to go get things that we need because he's always gone. He doesn't have a job right now, but it doesn't seem that he's looking really hard either. He puts in applications everywhere but then does nothing to try to make some money until he gets a job. I want a job, but I don't think it would work because what I want is not a priority around here. If it wasn't for his grandmother, we'd be f**king homeless.
I have a toddler and a set of infant twins. I'm here, by myself, no phone only internet, taking care of 3 kids and cleaning this house that he expects to be nearly spotless. He's gone fishing everyday for the past four days, leaving early and coming home at nearly dark, smelling like dirty water, bait, and fish- ICK!! and then goes out on the porch and cleans them, and carries them through the house, stinking it up- Double ICK!! Then he's like, I can't help with the kids, I need a shower- that is, if the kids are still awake when he gets home. He always says, "I won't be gone long today" then it's dark when he gets home. He says that he needs time to relax- must be nice, I don't even get a shower everyday!! I get so mad but he acts like I'm irrational or something. It gets to the point where I can't even help it, everything I say comes out mean and bitchy because how he's behaving hurts my feeling and pisses me off.
His only jobs are taking out the trash and washing dishes. He keeps asking me if I'll wash the dishes because he doesn't "feel like it". I tell him, hell no, you agreed to do the dishes, you'll do them! If he's sick, I'll do them. If I'm sick (granted, that's rare, but anyway) I have to suck it up and take care of the kids because he just feeds them and puts them back in their cribs and when they cry, he's like "I did all I know to do for them" and leaves them to cry, and I have to go take care of them- even after I had my wisdom teeth cut out.
I tell him what's upsetting me and he's just like, "Okay."
If this shit keeps up, the kids and I aren't going to be here when he gets home one day. I refuse to be disrespected and treated like my feelings are so much less important than him going fishing and hanging out with his friends. I've ran out of formula today- I thought I had an extra can- and I'm texting him and he won't answer. When he was answering it was "not sure when i'll be back" I'm like, are you effing serious?!
Oh dear, this is a novel. I'm sorry.
Kick his ass to the curb, move in with your parents.
I wouldnt put up with that for a minute.
Girl I would have been gone along time ago. Eff that he's so disrespectful
"Not sure when I'll be back" ????? Fuuuuuck that!
Sounds like you could do everything on your own...errr, you practically are. Tell him buh-bye.
Quoting Emmy&Jazzy:" "Not sure when I'll be back" ????? Fuuuuuck that! Sounds like you could do everything on your own...errr, you practically are. Tell him buh-bye."
THAT EXACTLY. Omg, NO ONE deserves to be put through that. THREE KIDS? you take care of them all by yourself?! He needs to get a job and support his family. Or at least stay home with the kids so you can. Stay strong, stand your ground, EVERYONE deserves a significant other that does their 50%. Thats what a relationship and parenting is all about.
I could only hope it would be a wake up call. I wish I could kick him out, but my name isn't on the lease, it's him and his grandmother, so I don't know my options there. My parents live in a 2 bedroom trailer with my 12 year old sister- there is literally no space.
Do you guys think that I should talk to his grandmother? I think she'd be on my side, and he has serious respect for her and what she thinks/says. Plus she pays for everything anyway (which KILLS me, I hate being financially dependent).
Quoting ProginoskesII (SuperKink):" I could only hope it would be a wake up call. I wish I could kick him out, but my name isn't on the lease, ... [snip!] ... for her and what she thinks/says. Plus she pays for everything anyway (which KILLS me, I hate being financially dependent)."
I don't see what talking to her could hurt. If you think she may talk some sense into him, I say give it a shot :)
yea..if my husband was doing that we'd have problems...
I tried to talk to him about it and he blamed him being gone all the time on me being bitchy and on the internet so much. I'm usually on the computer while I'm feeding a baby- there's two of them, so yeah, I'm going to rack up some internet time! And I've been bitchy because I'm so damn lonely and he's been putting himself ahead of not only me, but his children.
I also found out that his phone was working the entire time, he was just not answering because he "had fish guts on his hands" from the bait. But he answered when my friend called him for me- I didn't know if he had fallen in the water and drowned or something... If it wasn't for his friend Mary fishing with him the whole time, I wouldn't believe he WAS fishing.
It feels like my ex-husband all over again, just without being called manipulative because I started crying. I feel like I'm being ripped in half, but it's obvious that he has no respect for me. I can't keep living like this, where my children see me cry nearly every day because I'm so hurt.
ya not acceptable..you deserve better.
Quoting The Pretender:" Kick his ass to the curb, move in with your parents. "
This. That dude sounds like a f**king moron, and I'm not sorry to say that.
The father of my child did that all the time. Would leave to go out with his friends and come home at 5am. Would lie about where he was. Would go do things for himself, but I couldnt do shit for myself and had horrible PPD. So finally I kicked his ass to the curb and he called me mean.... literally crying saying "I need a life too, you don't let me do shit!" Um, right, so he can do whatever he wants and I couldnt even go to a poetry reading because "he needed help with the baby!" f**king idiot.
You have NO room in your life for someone like that. Kick his ass out of your life and move on!
We had a long lonnnggg talk. And we both want to try to make this work. We came to some compromises- He asked me to get off of the computer when he gets home because he wants to be able to talk to me and tell me how things went while he was gone, how the kids were, if I'm having a good day, all that, and asked me to please not jump on him as soon as he gets in the door, to give him a minute to get inside good. I asked him to not go fishing as much, I told him that I know he enjoys it, but I don't like being here by myself so much, it's very upsetting to me. He doesn't understand why :roll: (men!), but he agreed he'd cut down.
We talked about him interacting more with the kids, once again, he doesn't "get it" but he says that he will try. He's currently trying to convince me to go fishing with him next time, because he says: "I like fishing, and I like being around you, so if I could combine those, that would be really nice!" So I guess I'll try it, even though it seems reallllly boring.
I also made it very clear that if he doesn't start stepping up and being a better boyfriend and father, I will leave. I will pack up everybody while he's gone and I will go somewhere else. He says he doesn't want that, and I told him that he had to prove it.
So maybe I'm being silly and emotional, and giving too many chances, but I guess we'll see! If I'm back in a month with the same issues, you can all say "I told you so!" Here's hoping he keeps his ass off of his shoulders.
Quoting ProginoskesII (SuperKink):" We had a long lonnnggg talk. And we both want to try to make this work. We came to some compromises- ... [snip!] ... I'm back in a month with the same issues, you can all say "I told you so!" Here's hoping he keeps his ass off of his shoulders."
I hate fishing. Yet I have gone fishing plenty of times with Tony and his son. Bring a camera... take some pics while he fishes. Go for a walk, bring a book.... it can actually be pretty fun. Especially if he goes somewhere that is really pretty for taking pics!
Quoting FroggysMommy:" I hate fishing. Yet I have gone fishing plenty of times with Tony and his son. Bring a camera... take ... [snip!] ... a walk, bring a book.... it can actually be pretty fun. Especially if he goes somewhere that is really pretty for taking pics!"
I might try to bring my sketchbook, too... otherwise I might fall asleep! :lol: