Is this normal??? ♥ Tylins Mommy &he 1 child; Greenville, 530 posts
31st Mar '13

I'm 21 years old, I'm the oldest out of 9 kids (4 being my moms) I'm the only girl. I lost my mom 2 weeks ago today to a 2 year battle of cancer. My momma has been off and on with remission and landed in the hospital 6 weeks ago after being told she was in full remission. The doc told us the cancer had spread to her lungs, spine, shoulder, and bones and that the calcium in her bones was now leaking out into her blood stream which was fatal. The doc put her on meds and told us that if her calcium level didn't come down she had about 2 days left to live. The very next day the levels came down and they sent her home with a 3 month survival time. We were devastated but at least it gave us more time with her then 2 days. My mom started rapidly declining a couple of days after she came home, she was drinking somewhat and nibbling on good here and tgere, she was going to the bathroom with the help of a walker, she could have a conversation with you but mostly spent alot of her time asleep. The last 2 weeks before she passed she got really bad, she wasn't having any good days anymore, we started to have to put her in diapers and it was taking 3 of us to move her because she was so weak and the pain was unbearable. The last 2 days before she died I stayed by her side for as long as I could. Days before this all she was kind if talking crazy, even though it didn't make since to us in her mind she made sense. Anyways, the day before she died I told her I loved her and it was okay for her to let go because she was struggling, she was having a hard time breathing so hospice brought in oxygen which helped long enough for her to sleep. I live in the same house as her upstairs so that night my cousin text me and told me that momma was having a hard time breathing and just wasnt acting normal, we feel asleep because she finally went off to sleep. That morning I got a call at 6 am from my cousin telling me to come downstairs momma was dead. I rushed downstairs to find my momma lifeless but still warm. We called all the family and friends and to come day their last goodbyes. I stayed by my moms side and helped my grandma ( her 24/7 caregiver) with whatever needed to be done. At about 10:30 my grandma told me we had to say out final goodbyes and call the cremation people to come and get my momma, my whole world collapsed. I said my final goodbyes and kissed my momma and told her I loved her. My grandmas house was crowded with family and friends as the guys was taking my mom out, everybody decided to stay in the house except me I wanted to watch them take her away. I stepped outside with my best friend, my step dad, and my two uncles who helped get the gurney down the steps, the breath had literally been knocked out of me and for a min I forgot to breath. I was so devastated. The was the last time I seen my mom. I have alot of support from family and friends, just at her memorial device was almost 200 people with alot if people that still wasn't able to come, she was loved and cared about do much. I think about her daily and lately I have been having dreams she is still alive. I miss her, but I still feel like she's coming back even though we have her ashes which I have seen, she died in the house I was born in, she lived here since she was 14. My mother died at 39 years old, she has 4 kids, me 21, my brother 20, my little brother 4, and my little little brother 1. My mom also had 4 grandkids all under the age of 4. Sry about the long post I just needed to get all of this out and share it with everybody. I haven't had a breakdown like I though I would, my life is still normal. I've been wanting to go out to the clubs with my friends, drink, act stupid, I've been coping with all this through sex with my boyfriend of 9 years, we have had sex 7 times this week, that's not normal for us. I haven't been grief stricken as some people would call it, is this normal???

Ellie Goulding 1 child; London, --, United Kingdom 4675 posts
31st Mar '13

Your post made me cry. I am so, so sorry you lost your mom.
There is really no 'normal' way to grieve, IMO. Everyone handles pain differently. For me, it is just about doing whatever I've got to do to get through the day, you know what I mean? Sometimes alcohol, sometimes crying, sometimes sex, sometimes hugs.
Wishing you and your family the best.

Katie & Clay's Mommy! TTC since Jan 2012; 18 kids; Louisiana 2847 posts
31st Mar '13
Quoting ♥ Tylins Mommy &he:" I'm 21 years old, I'm the oldest out of 9 kids (4 being my moms) I'm the only girl. I lost my mom 2 weeks ... [snip!] ... sex 7 times this week, that's not normal for us. I haven't been grief stricken as some people would call it, is this normal???"

Actually it is quite normal. Many people react to grief differently. Some become depressed and others act out in different ways. Your story has me crying though. I can feel your pain since I felt the same way when my grandmother died. She was the rock of the family.

NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6268 posts
31st Mar '13

I am so sorry. Cancer is such a b***h.
There is no 'normal' way to grieve... denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are the 'stages' of grief but there is much more to it than those five steps and they come and go in no particular order IMO.

♥ Tylins Mommy &he 1 child; Greenville, 530 posts
31st Mar '13

Thanks ladies, I just got the feeling that other people may have been questioning my love or how much I cared for her. I don't really even understand it myself so trying to put it in words for people is just very difficult. I know this is all new, it's been 2 weeks today. I think I may have that breakdown when I need my momma the most and she isn't there. I guess I'm a little a piece at the same time because she's really really at piece, she's with my great grandparents who she absolutely adored and loved. I know that as time passes this will get better and I will be %100 at peace with it all.