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Bonding/NICU mommies.. LynMarie.xo Due January 18; Ontario 113 posts
2nd Apr '13

Hi mommies! Please share all the things you did with your child(ren) to help you guys bond. My son was in the NICU for a week before the hospitol docs let me hold him, also i had a c- section so I was totally warped on heavy drugs for days after for the pain. I feel like my boy is not mine sometimes...I will stare into those beautiful eyes of his and end up loosing connection wondering what this thing is and where he came from...please dont judge I really need help I hate this feeling!! I have dealt with alot in these beggining months alot to break our bond and I really want to fix it!! make it as strong as any bond between mother and child/son can be!! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!! thank u! xoxoxoxo (ps. sorry for spelling/grammer I am feedin babe at the same time its difficult)

Darcy Baker Williams 53 kids; Illinois 194 posts
2nd Apr '13

have you done the Kangaroo care? ( the skin to skin) I had a little trouble with my DD after the NICU time too. undress him to his diaper and lay him on you bare chest under a blanket to keep warm and just sit together. It really does help. If things don't seem to improve for you, talk to your OB about PPD. Good luck!

Brantley+Savannah 2 kids; Mills River, NC, United States 3119 posts
2nd Apr '13

i also had a baby who was in NICU for a week and i also had a c-section, ask about kangaroo time (thats what m hospital called it) Its where you and baby are skin to skin cuddleing for like an hour lol, i also breastfed and co-sleep and dont like letting my son out of my sight. i stayed at the hospital with him in a transition room the entire time he was in there, after i got discharged, before i got discharged i was in my room and my poor husband was having to wheel me up there every 3 hours lol, oh and he had a b***h of a night nurse who told me i couldnt hold him or nurse him, that didnt last very long.

Proginoskes II 3 kids; North Carolina 1295 posts
2nd Apr '13
Quoting Darcy Baker Williams:" have you done the Kangaroo care? ( the skin to skin) I had a little trouble with my DD after the NICU ... [snip!] ... warm and just sit together. It really does help. If things don't seem to improve for you, talk to your OB about PPD. Good luck!"

This! Kangaroo care helped me bond with my boys. I didn't get to hold them for a week, also.
That, and looking at their faces, looking for how they looked like me and their dad- that sealed for me, lol, they looked just like their dad and I fell in love with them (and him a little more, lol).
Don't try to hard to bond, if that makes sense, just take care of him, hold him close as much as you can. Sometimes it takes time to bond with your baby, even under the best of circumstances. Don't put pressure on yourself, it will happen.

Jillbill4 2 kids; 584 posts
2nd Apr '13

i had the opposite. my first daughter was a preemie and was very sick the first few months and i can't imagine brin closer to her but my second child i feel like isn't even mine.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
2nd Apr '13

dean was in nicu for 2 months... its still very hard to have a bond with him i wasnt allowed to hold him till he was 4 weeks old... i wasnt able to bf him, now hes going to be 7 and i have to remind myself to give him kisses and hug him and jump on oppertunity when he has a good day to praise him...



so i guess my advice would be make a habbit out of constantly hugging and kissing them... i see his whole demenor change when i do that now, its not as natural for me as when i grab and smother my lil, 1 who i was able to hold as soon as he came out of me me and bf for 11 months... but i do see when i make my self give affection his face lights up, i feel awesome about it and it makes me want to do it more and i get more comfortable as time goes on...

LynMarie.xo Due January 18; Ontario 113 posts
2nd Apr '13
Quoting DeanJade&Mak's Mom:" dean was in nicu for 2 months... its still very hard to have a bond with him i wasnt allowed to hold ... [snip!] ... his face lights up, i feel awesome about it and it makes me want to do it more and i get more comfortable as time goes on..."


Omg hun u jsut made me cry....lol....(mines only 2 1/2 months i think im still hormonal! :P) You are so strong, thank you for sharing...sometimes i just feel like I shouldn't even have him bc i cant love him like he's suppost to be loved you know like those other moms do. this gave me hope that no matter what he is mine and no matter our connection we can do it, we can make it together. :) (after all love is not all you need in a parenting sort of veiw, i used to beleive that but its deffinitly not true) And thank you mommies for sharing your stories and advice. We did some kangaroo care, we did have not to bad of a bond...but the day (literally the DAY) he got out of the hospitol right as we were going to go home his dad showed up dumped all my stuff from our appt. and broke up with me.. I'm 17 he was my first love, my ONLY love (i beleive love is an act of the will once its in your heart it does not die, (love is warped these days their is no such thing of falling in and out of love) ) we lived together for a year shared so much he was like my parenttought me everything i know bc i had shit ones didnt teach me shit, cas didnt either so i was pretty damn crushed to say the least. Soo unfortunatly our bond got crushed terribally...I did not want that to happen at all, I wanted to love him I tried, I did just not enough..things are slowly getting better tho....lol sorry for the big ol blog rant. Again thanks for the tips mommas! They are helping!! :) :) much love to all you ladies. <3 <3

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
2nd Apr '13
Quoting LynMarie.xo:" Omg hun u jsut made me cry....lol....(mines only 2 1/2 months i think im still hormonal! :P) You are ... [snip!] ... for the big ol blog rant. Again thanks for the tips mommas! They are helping!! :) :) much love to all you ladies. <3 <3"


dont cry baby girl, i know its tough... i was single when i had Dean too... his dad showed up at the hospital, at 1am 1 night and told me the baby was ugly, not his and slap my shoulder because he didnt want me to breast feed him, lol... its a weird time for everyone when babies are born, and as nicu mommas, its a million times crazier...



i went through my whole pregnancy off an on with his dad... soo i know how that goes... he'll grow up, took my ex prison and 5 years to act right, now hes an awesome dad... but he was a p***e o* s**t in the begining haha



like i said just remind urself to show affection... eventually it will grow on u...



i got drunk on saturday at our easter party, i grabbed dean and was singing and holding him like a baby he was dying of embarrasment, after when his dad got there, i was talking to him he came over grabbed my face and kissed me...
i notice when i do things to him he gets comfortable and will show me affection...

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
3rd Apr '13

my son was in for 18 days when he was born, i wasnt allowed to hold him for the first 2 weeks.

we spend all day every day with him and nights at the ronald mcdonald. talked to him, rubbed his head/face while we could not hold him.

while at home we did tons of skin to skin, co bathe, co sleep. babywear. hes 16 months old now and sometimes i feel as bonded, and sometimes i dont, compared to my other kids. it was definatly hard to bond with him at first tho, and i still even remember myself thinking that it would be *ok* if he died, and that i would survive, i could survive going home with out a baby. i know i told myself these things just to prepare for the worse, but it still hurts that i thought that. i dont think i really would have been ok