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user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" Really?"


She's young and single, sure. If guy number one doesn't want a commitment, and she wants to just get down-sure. Why not? As long as everyone is on the up and up about it, and guy number two is still available after she's sowed her wild oats, etc.

SuperSecret123 Japan 220 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" She's young and single, sure. If guy number one doesn't want a commitment, and she wants to just get ... [snip!] ... As long as everyone is on the up and up about it, and guy number two is still available after she's sowed her wild oats, etc. "


guy number 1 is a big ball of sexy and im being superficial...plus I really don't want to sleep with too many coworkers haha so im picking one and im picking the one who I'm more attracted to

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting SuperSecret123:" guy number 1 is a big ball of sexy and im being superficial...plus I really don't want to sleep with too many coworkers haha so im picking one and im picking the one who I'm more attracted to"


Good choice, I think. And, you know, hot sexy animalistic f**k fests sometimes turn into more, never know. I think you're doing the right thing.

SuperSecret123 Japan 220 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" Good choice, I think. And, you know, hot sexy animalistic f**k fests sometimes turn into more, never know. I think you're doing the right thing. "

:P:P:P:P:P

JohnSilverSmith TTC since Dec 2011; 3 kids; Groton, Connecticut 465 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" Its not leading him on if she is upfront about her intentions. "

Very true. I've been led on, that is why I don't like that being a possibility for guy #2.

JohnSilverSmith TTC since Dec 2011; 3 kids; Groton, Connecticut 465 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" She's young and single, sure. If guy number one doesn't want a commitment, and she wants to just get ... [snip!] ... As long as everyone is on the up and up about it, and guy number two is still available after she's sowed her wild oats, etc. "

Do you really think sowing wild oats is necessary? I agree with the up and up part. But with them working together, if #2 is still a possibility I think it is a bad idea. I just think about if the roles were reversed, would she be happy to be girl #2. I doubt it.

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" Do you really think sowing wild oats is necessary? I agree with the up and up part. But with them working ... [snip!] ... I think it is a bad idea. I just think about if the roles were reversed, would she be happy to be girl #2. I doubt it."

Yeah, I do. How is anyone going to settle down if they haven't experienced what's out there and done their thing? That's why I didn't get married until my late 20's. I sowed my oats. I know what else is out there. I know how dating goes, I've lived, I've discovered myself, etc. VERY necessary to not just settle down with the first man who will treat you well.

JohnSilverSmith TTC since Dec 2011; 3 kids; Groton, Connecticut 465 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" Yeah, I do. How is anyone going to settle down if they haven't experienced what's out there and done ... [snip!] ... I've lived, I've discovered myself, etc. VERY necessary to not just settle down with the first man who will treat you well. "

If that is what works for you, then so be it. That isn't my cup of tea. I've never wanted to be with any more than one person. It just grosses me out to think of being with multiple partners. I can't stand finding a hair in my food, I can't imagine swapping bodily fluids with multiple people.



I also never wanted to ruin any future relations with my future wife. I never wanted to have a point of comparison with her to anyone else. I know that she had that with me(and that sucked), but I can't control what she did. I always wanted sex with my wife to be about me and her and not all the other people that we had sex wife and compared each other to.

Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" If that is what works for you, then so be it. That isn't my cup of tea. I've never wanted to be with ... [snip!] ... wanted sex with my wife to be about me and her and not all the other people that we had sex wife and compared each other to."

I have had multiple partners and I never compared them to my husband. He is my husband and the love we have for each other gives us such a strong physical connection as well that cant compare to anything or anyone I have been with before. While I can respect someone who only wants to be with 1 person, obviously this girl doesn't mind and is just looking for a good time. If she is up front about her intentions then whats the harm?

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" If that is what works for you, then so be it. That isn't my cup of tea. I've never wanted to be with ... [snip!] ... wanted sex with my wife to be about me and her and not all the other people that we had sex wife and compared each other to."


Yeah, that's great for you or whatever, but CLEARLY that's not how the OP feels about it, so, no need to push it on her.
For the record, I never compare anyone to my husband, our sex IS about us, not other people-no matter how many others there may have been.



I don't really think your attitude toward sex is very healthy. Especially considering you won't be f**king your ex wife again. I know you got burned or whatever, but it's time to man up and work out some of your hang ups.

Its Eh-Lei Ocala, Florida 4303 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" I'd bang 1 for awhile then settle down with number 2."


THIS.

JohnSilverSmith TTC since Dec 2011; 3 kids; Groton, Connecticut 465 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" I have had multiple partners and I never compared them to my husband. He is my husband and the love we ... [snip!] ... this girl doesn't mind and is just looking for a good time. If she is up front about her intentions then whats the harm? "

I think that everyone is entitled to live the life that they want to live and do what they want to do. The way I look at it, if you can live with the decisions that you make then that is the measuring stick that you go by. In the end, if you can't live with your own decisions then it was probably not the right one to begin with. If you can live with it, then feel free to partake. I feel how I feel and believe in what I believe. I just put in my two cents in how I would feel about the situation and how the other guy MIGHT feel. As long as no one is being malicious, wrong, or deceitful towards anyone, then have at it.

JohnSilverSmith TTC since Dec 2011; 3 kids; Groton, Connecticut 465 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" I have had multiple partners and I never compared them to my husband. He is my husband and the love we ... [snip!] ... this girl doesn't mind and is just looking for a good time. If she is up front about her intentions then whats the harm? "

I also understand that this is NOT you, BUT I have read numerous posts in other blogs on here about people comparing previous and existing partners. I think that is not a good way to be. Unfortunately, it is human nature. My wife told me her comparisons of me and her first(and at the time) only other lover. She told me in lurid detail everything about their sex life in the interest of being completely open with me. I'm ALL about openness and would not normally have a problem with openness, BUT when your wife is comparing you to her "first love" and how they had sex and where and EVERY.......STINKING........LITTLE..........DETAIL. *sigh* It tends to make you feel like s**t. She claimed that I was a better lover, had a bigger dick(and showed me a picture of his to prove it), and was an all around better catch than the guy who popped her cherry. great......just great. It was like a backhanded compliment. Especially seeing a nude picture of the guy who f**cked my wife before me. I didn't talk to her for a while after that. She didn't(and still doesn't) understand the big deal about that. *sigh*

JohnSilverSmith TTC since Dec 2011; 3 kids; Groton, Connecticut 465 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" Yeah, that's great for you or whatever, but CLEARLY that's not how the OP feels about it, so, no need ... [snip!] ... be f**king your ex wife again. I know you got burned or whatever, but it's time to man up and work out some of your hang ups. "

Man up? Hmmmm. Interesting. So the mannish thing for me to do is go out and have as much sex as possible? With.....whomever? It is not my intention to make her or anyone else feel bad, BUT she did ask for our opinions. I know that I'm not wired like a stereotypical guy, but I don't think that I'm a freak for not being interested in having sex with multiple people either. This is not a hang up thing. I just don't like the idea of having multiple partners. Not my thing. If it works for you or anyone else. Cool. Doesn't work for me. It's not that I don't love sex. I REALLY love sex. I just don't believe that I'll EVER have it again.



My wife, in her attempts to win me back tells me "what a mistake I made", "you are an AWESOME lover", "I'll never find anyone better than you", "you're my one and only". If that's the case, then why didn't she wait for marriage and me to begin with if that is how she TRULY feels. Why did she cheat on me with a disease ridden scumbag who has torn apart our family and tried to ruin my professional life as well. She now has herpes because of her choices. She would have had a baby by a complete stranger if nature had not intervened and made the choice for her.



If our young women who we have been giving our opinions to wants to go out and have sex with two different guys......that's for her to decide. I just hope that guy #2 doesn't get the sh***y end of the stick in the process. I hate the "f**k the bad boy and marry the safe one" mentality. I'm the safe, nice guy. I shouldn't be choice #2. I should be choice #1. I was the shoulder for my female friends in high school to cry on when they got f**cked and dumped by their a**hole boyfriends. The common phrase I got from at least a half dozen of them was, "I should've gotten with you to begin with." thanks......I guess. If they'd been with me to begin with, I wouldn't have broken their hearts and hurt them. Like I said before, I'm not wired that way.

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
5th Apr '13
Quoting JohnSilverSmith:" Man up? Hmmmm. Interesting. So the mannish thing for me to do is go out and have as much sex as possible? ... [snip!] ... been with me to begin with, I wouldn't have broken their hearts and hurt them. Like I said before, I'm not wired that way."


No, I don't mean you need to have as much sex as possible-I mean you need to figure out a way to get the f**k over it and move on already.



And, seriously, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, DUDE. Every thread I see you in, you end up making about how you got burned by a woman, you're not the stereotypical guy, blah blah blah. Some weird, massive narcissism you have going on.
Not everyone wants the nice, safe, dude. Not everyone is ready for that, not everyone likes that. So, no, you shouldn't always be choice number 1. Do you want a pat on the back or something? Besides that, you don't come across as nice, in my opinion. You come across as weak, manipulative, egotistical, etc. I'm not sure what it is about you that sets off my weirdo alert---but it's on full blast.