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Vindictive Due July 23; 50 kids; Switzerland 31001 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" I'm more bothered by the fact that the conversation completely changes or goes off topic for a good 20 ... [snip!] ... may feel the same way as me. I don't get hurt by people talking about it excessively, I just don't like it. It bugs me is all. "


Honestly, I think you should consider not bringing it up. I weigh whether ot not to bring my daughter up every time I'm asked about my children, and she was a nearly term baby. I'm not trying to put down your miscarriage, because I have eexperienced that too.. but if you're willing to include your loss, you should be mentally prepared to answer the questions that are asked.



I'm sorry. :(

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47029 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting she nan igans:" Then you need to tell them you don't wish to discuss it. You just can't have it both ways. If you mention ... [snip!] ... then the best way may be to tell them you appreciate the concern but aren't really in the mood to talk about it right then."


Personally, if someone mentions an early miscarriage to me it would be reflex to assume they were looking to talk to someone about it. Why else bring it up?

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47029 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Fully developed fetus. Uggh. :("



I don't even call a baby past the first trimester a "fetus." I've always referred to them as my BABY.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47029 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Vindictive:" No one was paying attention. I don't have all of the details (too soon to ask yknow?) But I do know ... [snip!] ... I know they don't have the money to seek legal help so I'm scraping up whatever I can to help, if they choose to go that route."


Yeah, not really something you can ask about. That's just terrible. I hope they choose to seek legal help and investigate. I work at a childcare/preschool and I could never imagine that happening and it not being the fault of one of the teachers.

Vindictive Due July 23; 50 kids; Switzerland 31001 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" I don't even call a baby past the first trimester a "fetus." I've always referred to them as my BABY. "


Oh, me too. They put in my paperwork that I delivered a deceased 22w+ fetus so I always feel bad when I hear it. My own issue.



She was my baby. My sweet sleeping girl. But to the medical world, just another dead fetus. Sigh.

Lyssa Ashley 1 child; Sanford, Maine 139 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting she nan igans:" Then you need to tell them you don't wish to discuss it. You just can't have it both ways. If you mention ... [snip!] ... then the best way may be to tell them you appreciate the concern but aren't really in the mood to talk about it right then."


Well, most people either tell me they lost a child too and start to talk about theirs and ask about mine (and I'm not about to blow off someone who does want to talk about their own tragedy), or I have the people who get all nervous and blab on and on and on about everything they know about miscarriages and people they know who've had one, or the people who sit there and tell me just how sorry they were and sometimes attempt to get me to go to church ...



If I try to change the topic they just start talking about how hard it must be to talk about it and then apologize over and over and it's usually brought up near the end of the conversation with another apology. Maybe I just talk to some weird people, but its usually always excessive talk without me even saying anything back to them to keep that particular conversation going.

Vindictive Due July 23; 50 kids; Switzerland 31001 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Yeah, not really something you can ask about. That's just terrible. I hope they choose to seek legal ... [snip!] ... I work at a childcare/preschool and I could never imagine that happening and it not being the fault of one of the teachers. "


I know. :( I thought I was going to puke when I heard it was state run and he had been alone for awhile. :cry:

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" Well, most people either tell me they lost a child too and start to talk about theirs and ask about ... [snip!] ... but its usually always excessive talk without me even saying anything back to them to keep that particular conversation going. "


Okay. Well, your options are to mention it and expect questions, or not include the child in your count. I'm sorry there isn't a 3rd option, but realistically those are it. Eventually you'll probably get to the point where it won't hurt so much, but right now? The wound seems very fresh. You seem to still be hurting a LOT. I'm not saying yuo won't hurt later, but as time heals wounds it can be easier to handle, and talking about it doesn't seem so hard.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47029 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Oh, me too. They put in my paperwork that I delivered a deceased 22w+ fetus so I always feel bad when ... [snip!] ... I hear it. My own issue. She was my baby. My sweet sleeping girl. But to the medical world, just another dead fetus. Sigh."


Unfortunately, I think it's just the way they have to do things.
Medically speaking, they are correct in their wording.
A baby is technically a fetus until birth... right?

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47029 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Vindictive:" I know. :( I thought I was going to puke when I heard it was state run and he had been alone for awhile. :cry:"


We are not allowed to leave a child out of eyesight AT ALL. Worst any teacher does is send the preschoolers to wash their hands in the kitchen after art which is down the hall... but it's all an open floorplan, you can see them!

user banned Due September 18 (boy); 1 child; California 21617 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" Well, most people either tell me they lost a child too and start to talk about theirs and ask about ... [snip!] ... but its usually always excessive talk without me even saying anything back to them to keep that particular conversation going. "


So if it happens a lot why not just stop bringing it up? If people ask how many kids you have, say 2 and leave it at that. I understand that some people say things that are upsetting to you but I doubt that they are intentionally saying those things to upset you. Some people just don't know how to react and others don't know how you expect them to react. Unfortunately you cant bring it up and avoid the questions and those types of convos at the same time.

Vindictive Due July 23; 50 kids; Switzerland 31001 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Unfortunately, I think it's just the way they have to do things. Medically speaking, they are correct in their wording. A baby is technically a fetus until birth... right? "


Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?

Amelia [a Mom] 1 child; 4 angel babies; Tallahassee, Florida 18451 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?"

<--- habitual aborter :?

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47029 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?"


Yeah I had a molar pregnancy and the fetus died off around 7-8 weeks. I had a D&C at 11 weeks and hearing the term "abortion" really stung because it was as if they were saying it was a choice I had made... like I was aborting my fetus on purpose. You know? Ugh it was obnoxious.

Vindictive Due July 23; 50 kids; Switzerland 31001 posts
Apr 3rd '13
Quoting Amelia Margaret:" <--- habitual aborter :?"


:( uggh. That's even worse.