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Vindictive 50 kids; Switzerland 30558 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Yeah, not really something you can ask about. That's just terrible. I hope they choose to seek legal ... [snip!] ... I work at a childcare/preschool and I could never imagine that happening and it not being the fault of one of the teachers. "


I know. :( I thought I was going to puke when I heard it was state run and he had been alone for awhile. :cry:

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" Well, most people either tell me they lost a child too and start to talk about theirs and ask about ... [snip!] ... but its usually always excessive talk without me even saying anything back to them to keep that particular conversation going. "


Okay. Well, your options are to mention it and expect questions, or not include the child in your count. I'm sorry there isn't a 3rd option, but realistically those are it. Eventually you'll probably get to the point where it won't hurt so much, but right now? The wound seems very fresh. You seem to still be hurting a LOT. I'm not saying yuo won't hurt later, but as time heals wounds it can be easier to handle, and talking about it doesn't seem so hard.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46831 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Oh, me too. They put in my paperwork that I delivered a deceased 22w+ fetus so I always feel bad when ... [snip!] ... I hear it. My own issue. She was my baby. My sweet sleeping girl. But to the medical world, just another dead fetus. Sigh."


Unfortunately, I think it's just the way they have to do things.
Medically speaking, they are correct in their wording.
A baby is technically a fetus until birth... right?

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46831 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Vindictive:" I know. :( I thought I was going to puke when I heard it was state run and he had been alone for awhile. :cry:"


We are not allowed to leave a child out of eyesight AT ALL. Worst any teacher does is send the preschoolers to wash their hands in the kitchen after art which is down the hall... but it's all an open floorplan, you can see them!

user banned Due September 18 (boy); 1 child; California 21617 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" Well, most people either tell me they lost a child too and start to talk about theirs and ask about ... [snip!] ... but its usually always excessive talk without me even saying anything back to them to keep that particular conversation going. "


So if it happens a lot why not just stop bringing it up? If people ask how many kids you have, say 2 and leave it at that. I understand that some people say things that are upsetting to you but I doubt that they are intentionally saying those things to upset you. Some people just don't know how to react and others don't know how you expect them to react. Unfortunately you cant bring it up and avoid the questions and those types of convos at the same time.

Vindictive 50 kids; Switzerland 30558 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Unfortunately, I think it's just the way they have to do things. Medically speaking, they are correct in their wording. A baby is technically a fetus until birth... right? "


Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?

Amelia [a Mom] 1 child; 4 angel babies; Tallahassee, Florida 15247 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?"

<--- habitual aborter :?

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46831 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?"


Yeah I had a molar pregnancy and the fetus died off around 7-8 weeks. I had a D&C at 11 weeks and hearing the term "abortion" really stung because it was as if they were saying it was a choice I had made... like I was aborting my fetus on purpose. You know? Ugh it was obnoxious.

Vindictive 50 kids; Switzerland 30558 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Amelia Margaret:" <--- habitual aborter :?"


:( uggh. That's even worse.

Vindictive 50 kids; Switzerland 30558 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Yeah I had a molar pregnancy and the fetus died off around 7-8 weeks. I had a D&C at 11 weeks and ... [snip!] ... as if they were saying it was a choice I had made... like I was aborting my fetus on purpose. You know? Ugh it was obnoxious. "


Exactly. It has such a salty undertone.

Lyssa Ashley 1 child; Sanford, Maine 139 posts
3rd Apr '13

I don't mind people asking questions about it, I just don't appreciate when the questions end up being a whole different conversation smack dab in the middle of one we were already having. Or when the conversation is 90% the other person talking about something I don't want to discuss, and the only way to avoid this discussion is to omit my late child who I want to include (because she is part of me and my family). I hate having to 'disrespect' my child by purposely excluding her from my answer just to avoid a conversation that may be uncomfortable for someone else.



Yes, I'm hurting. Yes, time will heal me. Although, when I'm 'healed' I'm sure these same conversations will still be happening and I'll still be getting annoyed at them lol

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46831 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Exactly. It has such a salty undertone."


I agree. When I think of an abortion I think of someone choosing to terminate a pregnancy. I always just refer to it as a D&C... not an abortion. Although, sometimes I worry when it's brought up mentioning I have had a D&C because I don't want people to think I aborted by choice because I had a baby less than a year after.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46831 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Lyssa Ashley:" I don't mind people asking questions about it, I just don't appreciate when the questions end up being ... [snip!] ... when I'm 'healed' I'm sure these same conversations will still be happening and I'll still be getting annoyed at them lol"


Then just tell them you don't want to talk about it!
If you choose to include your miscarriage as one of your children they are going to ask why you only have one here with you. It's only natural. If you don't want them to ask, don't mention it. If you do, and you think it's disrespectful not to include them, than you need to have the balls to stop the conversation if it starts going out of line.



I'm not sure what else you want anyone to tell you!?

Hathor + A Due December 23 (girl); 16 kids; Spring, Texas 12834 posts
3rd Apr '13

For me it is like the question "So don't have any kids?"



Most of the time I'll say yes but she isn't here then the conversation stalls and I say something about the silence to get a laugh.

Brandie Dawne Due November 10; 2 kids; Mt Vernon, Ohio 1234 posts
3rd Apr '13
Quoting Vindictive:" Yep. Just like a spontaneous abortion. The word abortion stings, even though that's technically what its called. Kwim?"

I've never had a MC but the Dr. is calling this pregnancy a threatened abortion and I can't stand the word.