Reply
Hurting. long :( (Right forum this time) Dorothy Martinez 5 kids; Pennsylvania 121 posts
6th Apr '13

Okay so my DH and I have been together for 10+ years. We've had our issues like all relationships... 2 years ago was a breaking point for me. we seperated after I found out he had been "messing around" with my "best friend" he denies it and so does she. We were still living together but both found separate relationships. He begged and pleaded to have me back... fast forward 2 years and we have since had another child, and are expecting our final (a little girl). The other night he went out with friends... we got into an argument when he came home and he told me numerous times to leave, that I wasn't what he wanted or what he thought he wanted. I would have left.. but have no where to go. The following day he was apologetic. Telling me he only said those things because he didn't want to argue.. (Pathetic I know) I told him how much he hurt me, how his words are always lingering in my head... that I want him to go to counseling and if he really wants to work things out that we need marriage counseling... He promised that this past week he would call around and find out prices.. He never did. He has been acting like everything is fine.. I struggle looking him in the eyes, giving him kisses good bye, sleeping in the same bed... because I am worried that he is just comfortable and not truly happy. Am I wrong for being upset? Am I wrong for not wanting to just push this to the back burner? I am 7 months pregnant with our 5th child... I am scared to be alone.. I am scared one day he will wake up and decide that he doesn't want to be here with us... with me... and leave....

ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
6th Apr '13

TBH you should have never had anymore children with him after you found out he was cheating on you. That just causes more drama between you two AND now involving more children.
If you think your relationship needs work, talk to him. Communication is key, & counseling wouldn't hurt either. But you can't live your whole life being worried your spouse will leave you.... that's not a fair life to live.

Dorothy Martinez 5 kids; Pennsylvania 121 posts
6th Apr '13

I said the same thing... he keeps throwing in my face that when we were seperated I said he was a mistake.. he says that by saying that I also meant that our children were a mistake... I dissapointedly informed him that while the older three were not mistakes my youngest and the one I am carrying now is.. clearly because we still have underlying issues. I do try and talk to him, he shuts down... we actually "talk" through email about our issues (again pathetic I know) but If I verbalize how I feel he locks down and it seems as though I am mothering him and scolding him like a child... I hate one way communication

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
6th Apr '13

In would be upset as well. To me, those aren't things you say out of anger or just to shut the other person up. He must have been thinking them previously in order to say them in the heat of the moment.
If you're going to make your marriage last, you need to be able to talk to each other. Without fear of the other person lashing out or leaving. Call and set up the appt yourself. Tell him when it is, and that if he wants your marriage to last that he should be there.

Dorothy Martinez 5 kids; Pennsylvania 121 posts
6th Apr '13

Good Idea! I am scared though I guess, scared he won't show up. :( Oh well... time to put the big girl panties on and deal.

user banned Due November 7; 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
6th Apr '13

Well it's a 2 way street. If you guys need counseling and he didn't get call and get the information, then YOU call and get the information. But yeah it sounds like a big mess.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
6th Apr '13
Quoting Dorothy Martinez:" Good Idea! I am scared though I guess, scared he won't show up. :( Oh well... time to put the big girl panties on and deal."


That is a risk. The way I see it: Either you take the plunge, he shows up and you try to work through your issues with each other; he doesn't show up, which will break your heart but also give you the freedom to focus on yourself, your children and eventually find someone who will always make you happy. Or you do nothing, and are stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life. The choice is ultimately yours.

Dorothy Martinez 5 kids; Pennsylvania 121 posts
6th Apr '13

It's a huge mess... I can only pretend things are okay for so long.. I then look like the bad guy when everything gets aired out... I know I love him... I know I would lay down and die to keep this family together... he may not have made the best choices throughout our relationship.. I have made my fair share of mistakes too, but he is a wonderfully dad to our children... Sad thing... when we separated the last time, I was happy... I was with someone who cared deeply for me... who wanted to be a part of my life and my childrens lives (although I would never let someone replace their father). But DH made me second guess my choices, made me feel like he would get the help he needs, that we would get the help we need... only to leave me here gasping for air... alone... I always thought I wasn't one of those women who needed a man... but come to think of it.. when the thought crosses my mind to leave... I automatically jump to "Well who's going to want me now? 5 kids and a messed up better part of 10 years under my belt, NO ONE... No one wants me... not even the father of my children" and frankly that's whats tearing me to pieces.

Dorothy Martinez 5 kids; Pennsylvania 121 posts
6th Apr '13
Quoting MommyToWesley:" That is a risk. The way I see it: Either you take the plunge, he shows up and you try to work through ... [snip!] ... you happy. Or you do nothing, and are stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life. The choice is ultimately yours."


Thank you. I will call first thing Monday morning and try and set up an appointment. I appreciate everyones input... I am not a very outgoing person so I have lived in this town for 8 years and have yet to make "friends" I don't have family... just my kids and DH and well... it's so hard to keep all these feelings inside.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
6th Apr '13
Quoting Dorothy Martinez:" Thank you. I will call first thing Monday morning and try and set up an appointment. I appreciate everyones ... [snip!] ... yet to make "friends" I don't have family... just my kids and DH and well... it's so hard to keep all these feelings inside."


We're always here to help :). Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!
I moved halfway across the country to DH's hometown, so my only friends are his friends. I understand the feeling of not really having anyone to talk to.