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Baby #2 and Cheating Dr. Angelface 2 kids; California 8236 posts
6th Apr '13

Lately I've been having little bouts of panic when I think about the new baby girl and how loving her will change (will it?) my relationship with my 4 year old daughter.
I know this is irrational and i know it runs deeper but yet I still have these fears.



I feel almost the way I would feel if I was cheating on my husband, if that makes any sense. Like loving the new daughter as much as I love her is a betrayal of my love for her. (I KNOW it isn't in my rational brain)



Tell me how this transpired for you? Did you have these fears? I imagine if I was having a boy I wouldn't feel as guilty.

NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6268 posts
6th Apr '13
Quoting Dr. Angelface:" Lately I've been having little bouts of panic when I think about the new baby girl and how loving her ... [snip!] ... Tell me how this transpired for you? Did you have these fears? I imagine if I was having a boy I wouldn't feel as guilty."


I have those fears.. part of the reason I hope this one is a boy. I'm sure they're unfounded though and you won't love your daughter any less. It will take some time for everyone to adjust but it will be okay. :)

Bawse Litchfield, NY, United States 70743 posts
6th Apr '13

The fears are normal. It's hard imagining that you could ever love another human as much as you love your first child, but it's really is true that your love isn't divided, it multiplies.
I have 4, and they are all my world. I don't love any of them less, just differently

Tara plus 3! Due October 10 (girl); 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Missouri 2773 posts
6th Apr '13

I worried the same with my second. I didn't even care much for the pregnancy bc of it. I didn't want my son to have less attention or feel I didn't love him as much anymore. Now he's 3 and my daughter is 10 months and they absolutely love eachother. I promise it will be okay.

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
6th Apr '13

I felt that same way when I had my daughter, and my first baby was a boy. It made no difference, I just felt like there was no way I could possibly love them both as much I loved my first born. Like if I fully loved dd then I couldn't have enough love to share with my ds. Silly. Like i only hav a finite amount of love to give my chuldren and making him share it was going to be a betrayal.
Honestly once she arrived I realized that its a different but equal love with each child bcasue thy are all individuals so your relationship with them reflects that. I don't feel that same way about each of my babies but I don't love anyone more than another. It's just different.

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 6192 posts
6th Apr '13

I have two boys. Having a second one didnt change my relationship with my first at all. I love them equally. I did feel guilty during my pregnancy, I felt like I was taking time, love, attention, etc. from my first son, but now that my second son is here I realized that love is multiplied. Not divided. And even though my attention is divided, Giving my older son a sibling is worth it. I see it everytime they play together, smile at each other, and make each other laugh.

The New Mrs. 2 kids; Lima, OH, United States 1301 posts
6th Apr '13

I also felt like this when I was pregnant with my daughter.
My oldest, 3 years old, is a boy.
My daughter is now 2 months old (on the 14th, at least)
but it isn't any different.. though, I had thought it would be.
Once baby is here, everything will be fine.

Dr. Angelface 2 kids; California 8236 posts
6th Apr '13

I'm so happy to hear i'm not CRAZY for having these thoughts!!

ρiηkie ρie 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Kentucky 21902 posts
6th Apr '13

I worried I wouldn't be able to love LO as much and I was also terrified that DD was going to hate me for having another baby too. But once I saw LO for the first time it was like my love doubled and all the fears I had just disappeared. DD still loves me too. Haha.

Mama to J ♥ 1 child; Atlanta, GA, United States 2039 posts
7th Apr '13

I only have one daughter...but I fear this too (If I have a 2nd baby)! In my brain it feels like she is MY WORLD....so how could 2 kids be my world? ha. It feels like if she is my #1 princess...etc....then I cant very well tell the new baby that she is my #1 princess. lol. It just feels weird for me....