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Seperation Angelica Marina Due May 1; 1 child; San Leandro, California 211 posts
7th Apr '13

My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and have been married for 2. Over these past 4 years we've fought non stop, he doesn't trust me, I don't really trust him, and hes super cold towards me. So basically our relationship/marriage is one huge argument. Yesterday was the first time in 4 years that we were able to sit down like adults and talk to each other about where our marriage is headed. He told me he has realized how messed up hes been towards me and I don't deserve that. This is huge because hes never admitted to anything...



Last year we broke up for about 2 weeks until I found out I was about 9 weeks pregnant so we got back together which at the time seemed like a good idea... We now have a 4 month old and it breaks my heart that he will either grow up to either parents that don't get a long or parents that are separated



I told my husband today after thinking very hard about the situation that I think we need to separate.. I really want to be with him but I'm not sure if its because I don't want to be lonely or because were just so used to each other and have been together the past 4 years of our lives. I want my family together but with all the fighting I don't think its a wise to stay with him. I'm at that point now where even though I know the decision was made for the best I'm hurting. I feel really awful for my son.



anyone going through the same thing or have experience... when does it seem to get better??

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45941 posts
7th Apr '13

A child is not a bandaid, staying together for the children isn't good for anyone involved.

Kelsie Lowe (Albrecht) 1 child; Saginaw, MI, United States 380 posts
7th Apr '13

Even though you have a child together dont mean its best to stay together. Its not fair to your baby to fight all the time in front of him/her.

lovemylittleladies 2 kids; Michigan 1271 posts
7th Apr '13

Never been through it but id say you guys made a very mature decision. Its better your son grows up with happy separated parents than stressed out fighting parents. I wish you good luck and hope for a better future for all of you.

Princess Celestia +1 1 child; Tallahassee, Florida 3636 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" A child is not a bandaid, staying together for the children isn't good for anyone involved."


:!::!:



Both situations suck, but I'd rather my children have divorced/separated parents rather than see fighting all the time.

MahmuhMahmuh 3 kids; Wichita, Kansas 6706 posts
7th Apr '13

A child is much better off with a happy mom and dad who aren't together, rather than married parents who argue all the time. I've went through a very ugly separation that hurt emotionally and financially, but that was 3 years ago and some change, he is remarried, I'm still an emotional mess sometimes, but life goes on, and my kids are doing just fine :-)

Angelica Marina Due May 1; 1 child; San Leandro, California 211 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting Kelsie Lowe:" Even though you have a child together dont mean its best to stay together. Its not fair to your baby to fight all the time in front of him/her. "


Last year I thought as dumb as it sounds that having a baby would make our issues go away but now I see that it doesn't. I think its just hard to realize this a year later..

Angelica Marina Due May 1; 1 child; San Leandro, California 211 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting lovemylittleladies:" Never been through it but id say you guys made a very mature decision. Its better your son grows up with ... [snip!] ... happy separated parents than stressed out fighting parents. I wish you good luck and hope for a better future for all of you."


thank you!

Goal_Digger 1 child; Charlotte, NC, United States 41196 posts
7th Apr '13

Have you tried marriage counseling ?

orchidlovingmama 2 kids; Santa Rosa, California 1769 posts
7th Apr '13

I left my first sons dad because he was abusive
. It worked out better in the long run because I found a man that I love and we hardly ever fight. I disagree with some of these people who say that a child is not a good reason to stay together. I think you should do anything possible to try to keep your family together for the sake of the baby but if all hell breaks loose and its absolutely impossible then sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I grew up with a single parent and it is hard on the children but s long as they have one loving parent it should work okay. Plus you will also have the chance too meet someone new and start a family that can stay together. I wish u the best:)

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45941 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting orchidlovingmama:" I left my first sons dad because he was abusive . It worked out better in the long run because I found ... [snip!] ... okay. Plus you will also have the chance too meet someone new and start a family that can stay together. I wish u the best:)"


Just because a couple breaks up doesn't mean that only one parent will be raising them.



There are many successful co-parenting families out there.



Staying together for the child, while both parties are miserable and exhausted all options is the best option for everyone.



Waiting around until "all hell breaks loose" is extremely stupid. A child is far more receptive than you are giving them credit for.

Kelsie Lowe (Albrecht) 1 child; Saginaw, MI, United States 380 posts
7th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Angelica Marina:</b>" Last year I thought as dumb as it sounds that having a baby would make our issues go away but now I see that it doesn't. I think its just hard to realize this a year later.."</blockquote>



None of us on here are in your position and don't live you life so we can't tell you what to do. Only give you support and advice. I hope everything works our for you.

orchidlovingmama 2 kids; Santa Rosa, California 1769 posts
7th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" Just because a couple breaks up doesn't mean that only one parent will be raising them. There are ... [snip!] ... around until "all hell breaks loose" is extremely stupid. A child is far more receptive than you are giving them credit for."</blockquote>




okay well by you saying that a child isn't a bandaid implies that she purposely got pregnant in order to mend her relationship which is extremely rude and stupid. If you read her post it said that she broke up only to find out later she was pregnant so she wasn't trying to use the child as a bandaid she was trying to make things work so her child would have a family. Big diffrrence. The divorce rste is so high nowadsys bcus people run away from problems instead of sitting down and trying to work things out. She said her husband WA Mahjong an effort to communicate and all I was trying to say was that she should try to make out work if he is willing for the sake of the child. If after all that effort fails then leave, but not until some effort is put in. and yes children are resilient but co-parenting comes with many challenges of its own and this can cause emotional problems in children.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45941 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting orchidlovingmama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" Just because a couple breaks up doesn't ... [snip!] ... are resilient but co-parenting comes with many challenges of its own and this can cause emotional problems in children."


Actually, I didn't imply that at all....Staying together for the sake of "being a family" or "because of the child" puts a lot of undue stress on that child.

oscarsmom Colorado Springs, Colorado 31 posts
8th Apr '13

Here's a great book that goes against the grain of other advice/suggestions . . . it looks at steps you and your hubby can take to possibly heal your marriage. I have personally experienced the emotional devastation of divorce and have sadly seen the impact on my kids . . . not that it always has to be that way, but I believe if someone would have suggested something other than the usual to me, maybe things could have turned out differently? Sending you hugs!!!



Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved: 12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship
By: Joe Williams, Michelle Williams