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custody - what is missing in my agreement? Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
7th Apr '13

What am I overlooking? Each point listed we talked about and agreed on. We still need to work on the Holiday agreement though. Also, he doesn't know that I added in the no overnights until he gets his own place, but knows I don't want him overnight where he's going to stay and is okay with it.



What am I missing? I want to be thorough before I email my lawyer.



loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; GoShox!, KS, United States 9199 posts
7th Apr '13

When he has your son, and something comes up and he needs a babysitter, he should call you FIRST, and if you're not available, then find someone else.

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting loser mom:" When he has your son, and something comes up and he needs a babysitter, he should call you FIRST, and if you're not available, then find someone else. "


That's a good one. If I'm not busy I'd much rather have my son than to have someone else be with him.

Lumen.Ash Due November 23; 1 child; Denver, Colorado 1272 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting loser mom:" When he has your son, and something comes up and he needs a babysitter, he should call you FIRST, and if you're not available, then find someone else. "


Good one. We have that in ours.

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
7th Apr '13

I added it. Are there any other key points that I'm missing?



He wants me to add that I can't file for child support, but that's a ridiculous idea. What if he stops coming around, paying for school, or whatever...no way.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3012 posts
7th Apr '13

I don't know if this is an issue or not
but not exposing your child to drugs or alcohol.



also, say you put your child in a registered program, swimming and one of the dates land on his visitation than he takes him to it.

or before registering in a program you and him both confirm...

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting thats me. :):" I don't know if this is an issue or not but not exposing your child to drugs or alcohol. also, say ... [snip!] ... of the dates land on his visitation than he takes him to it. or before registering in a program you and him both confirm..."


Oh yeah! Like birthday parties, sports, or school functions. Good one.

KristaAnne 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ, VT, United States 19465 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I added it. Are there any other key points that I'm missing? He wants me to add that I can't file for ... [snip!] ... file for child support, but that's a ridiculous idea. What if he stops coming around, paying for school, or whatever...no way."


not just that, if you go on assistance for any reason, the state will automatically file.



I wouldn't allow him to make me put that in there. What if you need things for your son and are struggling? You never know what could happen.

desert☮rain 1 child; Phoenix, Arizona 7674 posts
7th Apr '13

You should have pickup and drop off times on the days he has the kid, specific ones. Also state who will be picking her up and who will be dropping her off. That helps avoid a lot of conflict.

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 45011 posts
status 7th Apr '13

What the other posters are describing is "First Right of Refusal". The thing to remember is that if you put it in there for him, you'll have to abide by it as well.



Also: "Holidays will be shared. Christmas morning will be all parties together" - I would really rethink this. What happens if you and he both get married and have other children? Is everyone supposed to get together (spouses, other children, etc.)? It will be very problematic in the long run.



What about other holidays? Thanksgiving and Easter? Father's Day/Mother's Day?



What about birthdays? The child's, yours, his?



What about phone access?

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3012 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting desert☮rain:" You should have pickup and drop off times on the days he has the kid, specific ones. Also state who will be picking her up and who will be dropping her off. That helps avoid a lot of conflict. "



!!!

desert☮rain 1 child; Phoenix, Arizona 7674 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" What the other posters are describing is "First Right of Refusal". The thing to remember is that if you ... [snip!] ... Thanksgiving and Easter? Father's Day/Mother's Day? What about birthdays? The child's, yours, his? What about phone access?"

Also sometimes it helps to put it in:
Religion
Schooling ( who gets to choose? My neighbor had a HUUUGE conflict about this with her ex husband, it was awful)
Vacations
Summer time (maybe he could have her for a week or two in the summer?)
Discipline use

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 45011 posts
status 7th Apr '13
Quoting desert☮rain:" Also sometimes it helps to put it in: Religion Schooling ( who gets to choose? My neighbor had a HUUUGE ... [snip!] ... her ex husband, it was awful) Vacations Summer time (maybe he could have her for a week or two in the summer?) Discipline use"


:!::!:



You can also write in there that a new agreement will be negotiated prior to the start of elementary school.



Trust me, switching off that often will wreak havoc with homework, bed times, etc.

Spoonful of Jayson 17 kids; Morrisville, Pennsylvania 11627 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" What the other posters are describing is "First Right of Refusal". The thing to remember is that if you ... [snip!] ... Thanksgiving and Easter? Father's Day/Mother's Day? What about birthdays? The child's, yours, his? What about phone access?"


All good points! His father doesn't celebrate many holidays because of religion, so that's why we need to discuss further. Thanks!

desert☮rain 1 child; Phoenix, Arizona 7674 posts
7th Apr '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" :!::!: You can also write in there that a new agreement will be negotiated prior to the start of elementary ... [snip!] ... prior to the start of elementary school. Trust me, switching off that often will wreak havoc with homework, bed times, etc."

It all depends, as long as drop offs are around bedtime or before, and the parent takes them to school on time. My neighbor has a 2,2,5,5 arrangement with her ex, she hates it but that is what the judge ordered. Both kids are in elementary school. (2 days dad, 2 days mom, 5 days dad, 5 days mom)