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SansBraceFace 17 kids; Massachusetts 8582 posts
10th Apr '13

He hid it for 4 months...



It's not like it took him a couple of weeks because it's a tough subject.... it took him 4 months. I'd leave. He should have been more forth coming sooner. That's just too long of a period for me to excuse it as just being hard to talk about.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting JuJuLove:" Am I the only one who thinks it's a little bit shitty of him to start dating again before his wife has ... [snip!] ... is different. I feel for you, OP! That would be a very tough thing to find out. I hope you're able to figure everything out!"

I'm sure it's something him and his wife talked about before she got bad. DH and I have talked about it and neither one of us is sick lol I would want him to find someone that could take care of him, love him, care for him, help him grieve, make him happy, etc. I wouldn't want him to sit there and watch me die, I'd want him out living his life and remembering the good times we've had.



OP I personally wouldn't leave him but it would be hard. Like you said, he is still married and you guys can't move on until he isn't. You might be upset that he waited 4 months to tell you but honestly, at least he told you. I don't think it's to likely you would have found out on your own so he could have kept you in the dark forever.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting Madi's*Mama:" I'm sure it's something him and his wife talked about before she got bad. DH and I have talked about ... [snip!] ... he told you. I don't think it's to likely you would have found out on your own so he could have kept you in the dark forever. "


i know but it feels so weird and so morbid to be like now what? i wait for her to die. thats so wrong. i dont want to call it quits. but i dont know what to do

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting I Stab People:" i know but it feels so weird and so morbid to be like now what? i wait for her to die. thats so wrong. i dont want to call it quits. but i dont know what to do"

Yeah I agree it's weird and would be really hard. Maybe just be friends for now. Continue to get to know each other and stuff? Then see how you are feeling.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting Madi's*Mama:" Yeah I agree it's weird and would be really hard. Maybe just be friends for now. Continue to get to know each other and stuff? Then see how you are feeling. "


he came over last night and we talked alot. he said he would get a legal divorce if thats what i wanted, but i cant tell him to do that. idk what to do. i feel like i defiantly have to take a step back and reevaluate

************************* Chehalis, Washington 362 posts
11th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting I Stab People:</b>" he came over last night and we talked alot. he said he would get a legal divorce if thats what i wanted, ... [snip!] ... what i wanted, but i cant tell him to do that. idk what to do. i feel like i defiantly have to take a step back and reevaluate "</blockquote>




How serious are you guys? And 4 months means nothing to me, DH and I were engaged after 3 months lol

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting I Stab People:" he came over last night and we talked alot. he said he would get a legal divorce if thats what i wanted, ... [snip!] ... what i wanted, but i cant tell him to do that. idk what to do. i feel like i defiantly have to take a step back and reevaluate "

I would just be honesty with him but try to keep an open mind as well. In the end you have to do what's best for you. Good luck and I hope you are able to find a decision that makes you happy :)

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting JuJuLove:" Agreed. It's like...if you think about it from the wife's perspective, it's pretty horrible. Here she ... [snip!] ... husband is more concerned about finding someone new than caring for her and helping her through this difficult time? Not cool."


its not like that, im probably explaining it wrong because i just cant get all the words out. anyway, from what he told me, she had told him to leave over a year ago, which she was unable to feed/bathe/go to the bathroom by herself anymore. and he didnt, he said he feels tied to her because of their daughter, but their relationship was not good before she got to this state either, and that his family told him to leave her before. she was verbally abusive to his other 2 daughters, and treated the oldest like a slave when she was still living there (and unable to really do much, she was in a bed 90% of the time i guess). but yet he still stayed. he said when he met me it was meant to be a FWB thing, which is what i wanted, but then HE wanted to be monogamous, and HE was the one that wanted it to be serious... he said he didnt expect to fall for me.



im. so. f**king. confused. i cried when he left, it took him a hour past what he was supposed to leave at to actually leave, and his daughter was calling him, and i felt horrible but i could not stop crying and he wouldnt leave with me crying even tho i kept telling him to just go.



fml./

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting amkcr8667810:" <blockquote><b>Quoting I Stab People:</b>" he came over last night and we talked alot. ... [snip!] ... "</blockquote> How serious are you guys? And 4 months means nothing to me, DH and I were engaged after 3 months lol"


before he unopened this shit storm, i was really starting to see us together, like in the "Future" sense. i was going to introduce him to my kids soon.. i really care about him.. ive wanted to say " i love you" for a few weeks but havnt

NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6263 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting I Stab People:" sorry just catching up here.. shes been since for over 3 years now i guess and in a nursing home for ... [snip!] ... theyve been married for 9 i dont know how i feel right now, i dont think his life should just end because of her, but idk."


:(
See.. it's not just black and white. I hope you forgive him for this. It seems like he really cares about you (or else why would he tell you all of this??).. and he deserves to have someone care about him back

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting NICKEL☮POLIS:" :( See.. it's not just black and white. I hope you forgive him for this. It seems like he really cares ... [snip!] ... he really cares about you (or else why would he tell you all of this??).. and he deserves to have someone care about him back"

i know he does, and i know it was difficult for him to tell me, but now it seems like its such a release for him because i finally know "Everything" and im like f**king miserable over here and want to just lay in bed for afew days and cry. i feel like he just expects me to say okay and move on and i cant. he kept asking if it changed how i feel about HIM and it doesnt, but everything has changed now, and that future i thought we could have seems to have vanished idk. hes at work right now and it sucks. i just want him to come over and cuddle me again.

NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6263 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting I Stab People:" i know he does, and i know it was difficult for him to tell me, but now it seems like its such a release ... [snip!] ... could have seems to have vanished idk. hes at work right now and it sucks. i just want him to come over and cuddle me again. "


I honestly can't imagine what it feels like, what you feel like.. how torn you must be inside. Thinking about him, about his wife, feeling guilty etc.
But honestly.. from everything I just read about the wife, and their relationship prior, he seriously sounds like a really good guy. To not just abandon her and divorce her even though it's what she wanted.
Hopefully in a few days once your emotions have calmed down a bit you will see things more clearly and go from there.
I know it's basically beating a dead horse because I've said this pretty much everytime I've replied.. but I do think he is a good guy, it sounds like you care about eachother and I hope you get through this.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting NICKEL☮POLIS:" I honestly can't imagine what it feels like, what you feel like.. how torn you must be inside. Thinking ... [snip!] ... I've replied.. but I do think he is a good guy, it sounds like you care about eachother and I hope you get through this."


thank you. i still think hes a good guy too.



i almost wish he never told me tho

NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6263 posts
11th Apr '13
Quoting I Stab People:" thank you. i still think hes a good guy too. i almost wish he never told me tho "


Yeah but what if you guys got really serious and you found out by accident a year, or two down the road? I mean eventually if you got married and everything you would find out- his family knows, his kids know etc, it's a part of his life. You gotta take the good with the bad. He unfortunately was dealt a crappy hand of cards... your choice whether you stay or leave because of that.

************************* Chehalis, Washington 362 posts
11th Apr '13

It's such a shitty situation for both of you and while I do think he purposely withheld it from you, I can also understand why he did. Is this a secret relationship or how does his family feel about him dating, or her family?